18 yr olds dating 14-15-16-17 year olds (or seniors dating freshmen)- "wrong"?

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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on September 11, 2009 at 4:18am

I get hit on by a lot of boys who don't seem to realize that I might look 14-1-whatever but actually be 21. And some of them are very attractive athletes. I have no idea how to tackle that one. I'd feel guilty but on the other hand, me not going out with a younger boy is not going to stop all the guys who prey upon impressionable, easy to manipulate young girls. I guess let live and let die.

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Permalink Reply by kifaru on September 11, 2009 at 7:37am

I've thought about this issue alot seeing since I have teenage nieces and nephews. As far as I know the senior freshman thing is never an issue. It's an american norm. If you're in highschool you can date someone else in highschool. I'd ask anybody to examine why they think it's right or wrong to engage in that activity and then move on from there.

I've heard the physical argument. "He's 18, and she's 15 and he could "damage" her because she's so small." That's probably not generally not true if you're just talking about intercourse. Most men's parts develope and thats it. Not everybody's parts develope at the same rate or finish at the same time so there are some 15 year old guys walking around with all the dick they are ever going to get which means they have man-sized dicks and they are doing just as much "damage" as a grown man. I have been the same height since I was 13 and I'm pretty sure my penis is average sized for a man and I'm pretty sure it hasn't gotten any bigger since I was 15.

The emotional/exploitation argument makes more sense to me. "He's gonna leave her or he's gonna take advantage of her."

If your 14 yr old is having sex with a 17 yr old she's having sex with a fully physically grown man. Can you see the slippery slope? No one really cares if it's a 14 yr old boy having sex with a 19 yr old girl.

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Permalink Reply by Death is Drunk on September 11, 2009 at 8:58pm

If I were a parent I wouldn't want my kid to date someone that's 3 or more years older than them or vice versa. 2 year difference is more than enough. A 18 year old dating a 15 or 14 year old would definitely get a raised eyebrow from me. Kid years are like dog years to be honest. A 20 year old dating a 24 year old is nothing to me but a 20 year old dating a 16 year on the other hand I don't know I just won't allow it. A 16 year old mind is different from someone who's 20 whether the person is mature or not. By the time I turned 20 my views, and perceptions changed greatly within a 4 year time frame. That's just my 2 cents. It's kinda hypocritical of me I guess since the guys I dated were much older like 12, 15, 22 age difference lol

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Permalink Reply by X-D-D-M*9 on September 13, 2009 at 2:33pm

I wonder because I have relatives entering high school and I see the difference and interactions that occur within the schools I've worked at. One thing I see is that the girls are growing taller and faster before high school and by the time they get there, it's a crazy social environment. The boys & girls seem more aggressive today and popular culture isn't promoting discipline & control.

Know the laws in your state. And if you're in Georgia, don't even think about dating anyone younger if you're 18. You'll get locked up for sodomy (especially if your Black). Shoot, it's on the books in GA that you can't have oral sex or sex at all with anyone other than your spouse. Yeah, it doesn't get enforced often but it can if you get a biased-enough redneck cop or judge.

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Permalink Reply by neophrates on September 17, 2009 at 1:23pm

i'd be more worried about the "to catch a predator"-type, then high schoolers going out with other high schoolers. and considering i was a senior who asked both a junior and a sophomore (at different times), and failed... well, yea.

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Permalink Reply by XiaMin on September 18, 2009 at 3:13am

I'm not gonna read all the posts so forgive if I repeat but

I think it's wrong. Not just because it's illegal - and can find a young guy/gal stuck with a sex offender tag forever , or find a young gal/guy with a kid s/he's not prepared for - but mainly because

there is a BIG difference between 18 and 14.

I think it's wrong whether the guy or girl is 18.

at the jr/sr level the line is blurred...17 vs 18 is not that big a gap.

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Permalink Reply by Rosenda on September 19, 2009 at 6:13pm

Same here Xiamin. My point though is a practical one.....another reason to wait til your date is 18 like yourself, is this. If it goes wrong and she/he gets mad, or someone in their family not approving finds out, the one who is over 18 can get in real trouble.

I knew of someone long ago that has to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life because when he was 18, he dated a girl who told him she was 18, they got intimate and they later broke up. But when a family member of hers found out, they reported him and he got arrested and charged for underage sex. And unfortunately even though he's probably past his early 30s now, he has to pay for that mistake for the rest of his life. Because he didn't know for sure she was 18, and because she wanted to be with him enough to lie that she was over 18 in the first place.

But Drew frankly, when you are both past 18, and past high school, your life environment and thus your mental state is rather different too. It's probably just more enjoyable to date later on without the hemmed in feeling of high school drama and the dating someone under 18 thing can cause you both problems, but mainly only if both you are having sex. I never saw it as a problem when I was young but after a few years out of high school, I could feel easier about dating in general.

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