... the other Black experience
Another post about interracial relationships
I've been reading the few post on this subject and have recently dealt with something in this arena.
People have been talking more about black male/white female relationships, which is understandable because they are much more common.
I had been in an argument with the guy I thought I had something with. He's white and in an email he said that we all have our problem with relationships and there was some other stuff too but I won't get in to it. I was furious. I thought, "you are a white male that is attracted to mainly white females how difficult could it be for you?" I wanted to try to explain how big race can be in relationships, but I knew he wouldn't understand. I asked him to watch the movie in hopes he could get something out of it. He won't.
I've just had unpleasant experiences with black men. I'm not completely closed off to black men, but I'm wary. Everyone should have a fair chance to show who they truly are.
Most of my friends are white so this is lost on them as well. I was wondering if any women have ever been in situations with white men, and what came about from them? Thanks
People have been talking more about black male/white female relationships, which is understandable because they are much more common.
I had been in an argument with the guy I thought I had something with. He's white and in an email he said that we all have our problem with relationships and there was some other stuff too but I won't get in to it. I was furious. I thought, "you are a white male that is attracted to mainly white females how difficult could it be for you?" I wanted to try to explain how big race can be in relationships, but I knew he wouldn't understand. I asked him to watch the movie in hopes he could get something out of it. He won't.
I've just had unpleasant experiences with black men. I'm not completely closed off to black men, but I'm wary. Everyone should have a fair chance to show who they truly are.
Most of my friends are white so this is lost on them as well. I was wondering if any women have ever been in situations with white men, and what came about from them? Thanks
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Edgea22 on -
The worst of it happened last year. I don't want to go to it but it was bad. I realize it was just one guy and one isolated incident, but still.
Other than that basic catcalls calling me oreo and when talking to/hitting on me I'm not a person I'm just a prospect for the night.
I really want to date a black guy in the scene, if I can just find one.
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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on -
Oh yeah, I've been there. He won't understand because 1)he is white and 2) he is male and he's so wrapped up in his label identifiers her won't come out of that protective shell and actually learn something.
You know, I think it's really related to the way minority women very rarely experience racism and misogyny seperately.
It's so hard to find anyone; you have to wary of those of other races who will exotify you and reat you like a war bride but you also have to protect yourself from and black boy in the scene who gets bored, hooks up with you, then tosses you aside for a white chick at the drop of a hat. Or worse, the black boy who exotifies you just like any closet racist white boy would just because you are different. They all want toys.
I wish I could give answers (I and I'm sure tons of other chicks on this board are in the tug of war) or something nice, pretty and sweet to say but I just can't. As a woman we always have to deal with a certain amount of alienation in romantic relationships whether it be tiny (and not so tiny) slips of male chauvanism or heaven forbid the molotov cocktail of racism and male chauvanism. It'll never be perfect.
But I can say back off from trying to communicate your stance to him; his mind is closed. Maybe back off from him. Run, don't walk away. I know it's really hard. I can't put it into words but I know exactly what it feels like and I'm sure you're not alone with that on this board but I really don't think any dude could be able to understand it.
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Permalink Reply by DanielaInfinity on
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i've dated practically everything except for what i am (latina) and have found that even if race isn't an issue between the person i am dating and myself, it is inevitably an issue with their friends/family/world around us.
just date who you want and when people start acting stupid, call them on it. if the person who you are dating doesn't acknowledge or respect your need to talk about race, then they are probably not worth your time.
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Permalink Reply by Obsidian on -
Reply by Hell Cat 11 hours ago
"You know, I think it's really related to the way minority women very rarely experience racism and misogyny seperately.
... or heaven forbid the molotov cocktail of racism and male chauvanism. It'll never be perfect."
So that's what that feeling I get is all about whenever I am around males of different ethnicities. It's the whole being kicked down because I'm a woman AND being kicked down because I am a Black woman. It's a feeling I get a lot and I try to throw it off by being just not giving a what and showing no one any interest, but it can still beat me down.
But to the topic. I never seem to have any problem finding Black guys in the "alt Black scene" (if not necc punk, but then again I think I would just draw it out of the dudes I dated and they got to explore some of their non conventional sides). You just have to be bold is all. If they reject you, then ah well. The point is that we're all Black and we should all be cool with each other regardless. If we can't be, well then fuck us. You get gems and you get toads no matter what ethnicity you go with. To be post human in your relationship stance, screw ethnicity, and embrace complete understanding because if he is legit then he should respect and want to understand the deal with being Black (especially if kids come into the picture, god damn is that so important). I mean, isn't that what any good relaitonship is about - true interest in one another?
Buuuuuut there are a lot of toads out there. Have. Fun. Just have a lot of fun and you never know what you will find. Don't need to rush into getting a relationship that dizzys you too much. Have a bunch of good male friends 9and female). Defy some conventions and deal with your emotions. Blah blah blah blah blah.
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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on
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I actually take back some of what I said: I believe it's entirely possible for a white woman to be treated similarly by a man of another race.
I believe that all women very rarely experience racism and sexism separately.
It's always going to be in a pair; it's like how if you hate a people you'll rape their women it's no different in any race or group. When there is hate women get it with a nice maniacal edge of sexism.
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Permalink Reply by tafi on -
what came about with my tryst was a beautiful son and a man who has another biracial child yet only mentions his white ones :(
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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on
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Maybe there's a Marc Bolan somewhere out in space to thwart the balance of pricks.
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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on
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I think a lot of men (and women), regardless of race, do that disproportionately.
Given the background of the world you're probably right but also given the background of human nature fetishism is not limited to inter-racial relationships; argueably ANY "type" wheter it be breast size or any other thing you're sexually attracted to is a form of fetishism/playing with a toy. If physical attraction (what 90% of the start up of most relationships are based on) isn't for entertainment I don't know what else it would be. I think we all know what men think about when they see any chick they are attracted to and that idle fantasy is closely akin to "playing with a toy"; consult your local sex psychoanalyst for details.
Because of idle fancies of fake rules many of us refuse to admits any of this.
A lot of also kinda want to turn a blind eye to the fact that it's just something men do, only amped up by race-sex politics.
Or the other side: where a white girl is just a meantime fuck not to be taken seriously until a black girl wanders onto the radar.
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Permalink Reply by Edgea22 on
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Thanks everyone for replying. I'm glad people have opinions on this. The thing that started the argument was I got upset he didn't tell me about some girl he was fooling around with last semester, before we started hanging out. It kinda exploded from there.
The thing is I'm obnoxiously straight edge, not that I try to convert people or anything just how I hold myself to it. But it's a turn-off for many, ( the ones that know what it is.) So that with the fact of race, and who it is that I'm attracted to makes it difficult. I guess.
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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on
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I don't know. ..I think you'd be able to find any guy to do that sort of thing, any race. lol
They just sort of. ...do that, especially in teenaged years and early 20s and probably beyond if they think it shouldn't matter. They fool around; mothers back in the day used to sit down and have long talks with their daughters about why not to get upset about the carnal/flippant nature of boys. It's probably best not to take the wondering eye/short attention span personally (or to even get upset) because it'd be impossible to co-exist with men if you did.
But seriously, yeah I understand where you're coming from but look at it like this: at least you're not a radical feminist; those chicks never find compatible guys and always have to settle for far less. Simply because that kind of man would be some sort of crime against nature.
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Permalink Reply by THE VIOLENCE on -
my boyfriend is white and my dad is a jew i havent dealt with any race issues with my boyfriend of 8 years nor anyother guy ive been with for that matter i guess mainly because it doesnt matter to me...nor should it! if someone dates you its because they like you and if you date someone i hope that its because you like them aswell and if race is the reason that two people are together i guess that would be were the trouble will began i think to much stock is put on interracial relationships because were all the same race....HUMAN!!!!
XOXO
GIA
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Permalink Reply by Rosenda on -
In the past, I did date and actually was married for a few years to a white guy.
I did not assume the worst about all white guys, just because it did not work out with any of the white guys I dated.
I did not assume the worst about all the black guys, just because it did not work out with any of the guys I dated.
I dated a couple of Latino guys too, and I did not assume the worst about all Latino men, just because it did not work out with them.
I am dating a Persian Jew, we have known each other for 8 years, and just because he's really wonderful to me and I enjoy his company, I do not assume I'd get along with every other Jewish dude, no matter where he's from. Also, if we go our seperate ways in our future, I am not going to assume the worst about all Jewish guys if it don't work out for us.
You can't go down that road. It's the guy's or girl's personality, actions, that are gonna attract or repel you. That is what it's gonna come down to, over the course of the time you are dating someone, no matter what race they are.
All human beings are gonna naturally get judgements inside about who they like and who they don't like to date, based on what good and bad things happen with them and various ethnic people. And don't forget attraction: some people are definitely gonna get preferences on who they think the most Fine. It might be just looks, but it also might be something they emotionally feel and experience with a particular person of that group..........and Pow! they are just so "INTO" that one type for a long time (white, black, latino, asian, etc etc.)
Lianne La Havas - Is Your Love...?
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