... the other Black experience
Another post about interracial relationships
I've been reading the few post on this subject and have recently dealt with something in this arena.
People have been talking more about black male/white female relationships, which is understandable because they are much more common.
I had been in an argument with the guy I thought I had something with. He's white and in an email he said that we all have our problem with relationships and there was some other stuff too but I won't get in to it. I was furious. I thought, "you are a white male that is attracted to mainly white females how difficult could it be for you?" I wanted to try to explain how big race can be in relationships, but I knew he wouldn't understand. I asked him to watch the movie in hopes he could get something out of it. He won't.
I've just had unpleasant experiences with black men. I'm not completely closed off to black men, but I'm wary. Everyone should have a fair chance to show who they truly are.
Most of my friends are white so this is lost on them as well. I was wondering if any women have ever been in situations with white men, and what came about from them? Thanks
People have been talking more about black male/white female relationships, which is understandable because they are much more common.
I had been in an argument with the guy I thought I had something with. He's white and in an email he said that we all have our problem with relationships and there was some other stuff too but I won't get in to it. I was furious. I thought, "you are a white male that is attracted to mainly white females how difficult could it be for you?" I wanted to try to explain how big race can be in relationships, but I knew he wouldn't understand. I asked him to watch the movie in hopes he could get something out of it. He won't.
I've just had unpleasant experiences with black men. I'm not completely closed off to black men, but I'm wary. Everyone should have a fair chance to show who they truly are.
Most of my friends are white so this is lost on them as well. I was wondering if any women have ever been in situations with white men, and what came about from them? Thanks
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Ken-K on -
Cierra W. said:I've been dating a white guy now for a year and a half, and things are going great. We don't much talk about "race", we just click. We like the same music, we like to do the same things, and everything just fits and I'm happy! We both are. I've actually never dated a Black American guy, but my first love was this guy from Nigeria, and I'll never forget him...though I got bored of him because I realized we couldn't connect on a lot of things like musical tastes/activities/sense of humor/wit/etc. The cultures were just too different, and he was the same "race" as me!
And things like that are important, common interest, etc. Granted, you can still vibe with certain people when you don't have many common interests. But it sounds like you're happy with your man, and that's the most important thing.
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Permalink Reply by LesYpersound on -
hai guys! i was looking for books to swap on good reads and came across this:
http://www.goodreads.com/list/show/1984.Interracial_Romance_Ebooks_... ...96 IR-romance books that are BW-WM.
i was floored and saddened not necessarily by the fact that there's so much BW-WM romance fiction in the world but that the only ppl commenting on this shit are black women... and yeah maybe that there's such a demand for this that 96 surely crap books could be listed (lol). :/ i'unno that's just my gut reaction. what do y'all think? i wonder if it's a fetish for the fans of these novels... and if it a sexual fetish is it really that wrong? hmm... i'unno. i think i'd giggle and have a passing judgement flash through my mind if i ever met a person with a whole shelf of these kinds of books in their living room, but in the end i wouldn't give a shit. :P
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Permalink Reply by Rage_Proletaire on -
LesYpersound said:hai guys! i was looking for books to swap on good reads and came across this:
http://www.goodreads.com/list/show/1984.Interracial_Romance_Ebooks_... ...96 IR-romance books that are BW-WM.
i was floored and saddened not necessarily by the fact that there's so much BW-WM romance fiction in the world but that the only ppl commenting on this shit are black women... and yeah maybe that there's such a demand for this that 96 surely crap books could be listed (lol). :/ i'unno that's just my gut reaction. what do y'all think? i wonder if it's a fetish for the fans of these novels... and if it a sexual fetish is it really that wrong? hmm... i'unno. i think i'd giggle and have a passing judgement flash through my mind if i ever met a person with a whole shelf of these kinds of books in their living room, but in the end i wouldn't give a shit. :P
I would assume it transcends something that could be called a "fetish", but as you pointed out, there's the pitfall of judging (too harshly?). It's certainly not shocking, although I don't have numbers to refer to, as far as s cultural diagnosis may be concerned. But in any case, it's harmless in my book, 'cause like you, I wouldn't give a shit. Pornography taught me all I need to know about what makes people tick in their loins; I think I'd have a flash of judgment too, though, if I'm honest...
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Permalink Reply by kifaru on -
Supply and demand. Supply and demand.
LesYpersound said:hai guys! i was looking for books to swap on good reads and came across this:
http://www.goodreads.com/list/show/1984.Interracial_Romance_Ebooks_... ...96 IR-romance books that are BW-WM.
i was floored and saddened not necessarily by the fact that there's so much BW-WM romance fiction in the world but that the only ppl commenting on this shit are black women... and yeah maybe that there's such a demand for this that 96 surely crap books could be listed (lol). :/ i'unno that's just my gut reaction. what do y'all think? i wonder if it's a fetish for the fans of these novels... and if it a sexual fetish is it really that wrong? hmm... i'unno. i think i'd giggle and have a passing judgement flash through my mind if i ever met a person with a whole shelf of these kinds of books in their living room, but in the end i wouldn't give a shit. :P
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Permalink Reply by Compound Egret on -
LesYpersound said:hai guys! i was looking for books to swap on good reads and came across this:
http://www.goodreads.com/list/show/1984.Interracial_Romance_Ebooks_... ...96 IR-romance books that are BW-WM.
i was floored and saddened not necessarily by the fact that there's so much BW-WM romance fiction in the world but that the only ppl commenting on this shit are black women... and yeah maybe that there's such a demand for this that 96 surely crap books could be listed (lol). :/ i'unno that's just my gut reaction. what do y'all think? i wonder if it's a fetish for the fans of these novels... and if it a sexual fetish is it really that wrong? hmm... i'unno. i think i'd giggle and have a passing judgement flash through my mind if i ever met a person with a whole shelf of these kinds of books in their living room, but in the end i wouldn't give a shit. :P
Can't comment on the quality of the books, but one of the members used to post up her press releases...
http://www.afropunk.com/profile/AuthorStephanieMorris
Men are interested in similar combos, but the coupling is usually "less romantic" and on DVD or a tube site.
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Permalink Reply by Veronica Loves her KnOttY Locks on -
Eh, I don't discriminate. I've dated the rainbow...but have dated more white men than anything. Why? Because where I'm from that's what there is more of....that and Latinos. My relationships with white men have been great and I was even engaged to one....but I think our lives were going in different directions that's why we decided against marriage and we're still friends to this day. Love isn't always enough. *shrugs*
Race was never an issue. Some questions pertaining to race and why I did things a certain way and vice versa would come up...but that's what you do when you want to learn about someone; you ask questions. With that being said....I always run..(not walked) away from any white male who says things about loving my physical features because they're more ethnic, exotic, etc. Really? Are you serious? You think I'm exotic? Get the fuck outta here. Miss me with that lame shit. I'm not your experiment, no really, buh-bye. Those are the ones you want to stay away from...IMO. In the end (in my experience) they won't appreciate you at all and will always be looking for the next best thing. Feel me? It's all about the physical and what booty shaking reh-dic-u-lous-ness MTV and BET are shoving in their faces. They want to see what it's like. End of story.
Also...I'm sorry I have to disagree with some of you who say there's always going to be "something missing" if we're not dating black males. My opinion: you're lame too. Why? Because some of the ones spouting this rhetoric are males who have no idea...you're not women, so please recognize that what you say is pretty much an opinion that's not even based on experience. You'll never know...unless you lost your dick along the way and magically formed a vagina. Even then...you'd never know. You sound silly boo boos. I saw a couple of women saying it...good on you. You know firsthand. I'd believe you before I believed a male on this subject. And yeah...I've dated SOME (note not ALL I have dated) black men that don't have the first clue about how to treat a woman period. Black, white, brown, yellow...they just don't get it. (same goes for a white man) So there is absolutely nothing I would be gaining from them. Just because they are the same skin color does not mean they automatically have a solid understanding of ME or MY struggles as a black woman or a human being at that. I wasn't aware that being black made all of us kindred spirits. Absolutely fucking not. It doesn't work like that. That's ridiculous and your reasoning makes no sense.
Stuff like this just annoys the hell out of me. I'm a product of an interracial relationship and i turned out to be a beautiful, productive, caring, loving, wonderful and well adjusted human being. When people talk against race mixing it offends me...I wouldn't be here if my parents thought like some of you do. I joined this site to find some intelligent like minded (and what I thought would be more open minded) individuals who looked like me...who I could I identify with....make some new friends.....I'll just say I'm disappointed at some of the things I've read.
That's all. K thanks.
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Permalink Reply by Sekou on -
just goes to show you that white supremacy is very strong (yet subtle) if Black people find it this hard to link up....
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Permalink Reply by Arianna Garcia on -
I've been in quite a few relationships with white men and even one on again off again fling with one for 3 years. Growing up in the area I live in it's mainly comprised of black/ hispanic people, so growing up I was only around black/ hispanic people obviously and hadn't had my first real white experience until high school where the school I went to was full of white people. Not saying I'd never seen a white person until I was in high school, not at all, but just being over run by them was in high school most definitely. I've dated white males of the bmx rider type, metal head type, and stoner type. They didn't seem to have a problem with me being black or at least mixed. For awhile it seems that it was only in my head that I was having these thought that " Oh is everyone staring at us because we're only 1 of a handful of interracial relationships in this school?" And believe me we were 1 out of 3 interracial relationships in the school and probably that whole side of town.
Then one day while hanging out with my white boyfriend, his white best friend, his white girlfriend, her white bestfriend and her white boyfriend who 2 years and 7 months later became my boyfriend, were chilling in the park and my boyfriend passed me his cigarette to take a puff off of and as they watched me smoke the cigarette his best friend shouted with a laugh, " Stop N****r lipping the smoke!".... and I was kinda taken aback. Anyways I brushed it off and went on about my day, and for about a month, which was the entire duration of our relationship, I would get this mundane comments or statements thrown my way and wondering what the hell for? Such as, " Oh she's black, mexican, and italian? She'll steal your tv, cut your lawn and put a hit out on you.", or at the time I had ridiculously long hair and being asked , " Is that your real hair?"...... " What are you mixed with? I know black, but what else?". And one time my boyfriend got kicked in the nuts by this little kid and while me and his friends, me being the only colored person within a mile probably, stood there to comfort him I told them to back off and give him air and they proceeded to say, " you better listen to her, she might have the homies come up here and cap us.".
So, as you can see I haven't had many great experiences with white men in relationships. And believe me I could go on and on, but what I'm trying to give you black females who choose to date these white males who have no idea what it means to be black other than what they see on MTV is.... if you're willing to go through with it you either have to take the good with the bad or confront him and let him know that you are black, this is a difference in your relationship, and you're gonna be getting enough bullshit from people outside of you and even your family and friends in some cases and that the last thing he should do or be doing is making " jokes" or talking shit.
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Permalink Reply by kifaru on
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Just noticed this and it is profound.
Sekou said:just goes to show you that white supremacy is very strong (yet subtle) if Black people find it this hard to link up....
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Permalink Reply by Fashionfreak on -
honestly, i am really irritated with black women always saying 'ohh yeah f black men i wanna date the white man'....seriously there's not that much of a difference men are men at the end of the day. it's very hyprocritical to put all black guys in a box when you dislike black guys putting you in a box. no one should date interracially because of disliking their own but because they love a person for who they are. but i guess these girls won't realize that till they date another race and are disappointed. sorry to burst your bubble people but it doesn't make a difference !!!!!!!! i've had PLENTY bad experiences with every race esp black but guess what i've learned that worshipping someone else is not going to 'solve my problems'. i look at personality first before color it really doesn't matter. if you're hot and have a great heart let's get it haha.
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Permalink Reply by Arianna Garcia on
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For you to say there isn't much of a difference between black men and white men is definietly you putting them into a box. It's like saying if this mans a dog then every man must be a dog. I mean yes men are men and they have they're wants and needs. But things definitely differ when it comes to a white man and black man. I love every race and I've dated many. Do I have a personal favorite? No. I just date who I find interesting.
Fashionfreak said:honestly, i am really irritated with black women always saying 'ohh yeah f black men i wanna date the white man'....seriously there's not that much of a difference men are men at the end of the day. it's very hyprocritical to put all black guys in a box when you dislike black guys putting you in a box. no one should date interracially because of disliking their own but because they love a person for who they are. but i guess these girls won't realize that till they date another race and are disappointed. sorry to burst your bubble people but it doesn't make a difference !!!!!!!! i've had PLENTY bad experiences with every race esp black but guess what i've learned that worshipping someone else is not going to 'solve my problems'. i look at personality first before color it really doesn't matter. if you're hot and have a great heart let's get it haha.
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Permalink Reply by Fashionfreak on
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there are douche bags of every race and there are kind people of every race. that's basically what i was implying.................................................
Arianna Garcia said:For you to say there isn't much of a difference between black men and white men is definietly you putting them into a box. It's like saying if this mans a dog then every man must be a dog. I mean yes men are men and they have they're wants and needs. But things definitely differ when it comes to a white man and black man. I love every race and I've dated many. Do I have a personal favorite? No. I just date who I find interesting.
Fashionfreak said:honestly, i am really irritated with black women always saying 'ohh yeah f black men i wanna date the white man'....seriously there's not that much of a difference men are men at the end of the day. it's very hyprocritical to put all black guys in a box when you dislike black guys putting you in a box. no one should date interracially because of disliking their own but because they love a person for who they are. but i guess these girls won't realize that till they date another race and are disappointed. sorry to burst your bubble people but it doesn't make a difference !!!!!!!! i've had PLENTY bad experiences with every race esp black but guess what i've learned that worshipping someone else is not going to 'solve my problems'. i look at personality first before color it really doesn't matter. if you're hot and have a great heart let's get it haha.
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