= I confess that for the first time I had a problem I only heard about before: I found ants in my car. Yeah, nasty. I had heard of that before with other folks and always thought "what kind of sloppy fool has insects in their ride?" ha, how 'bout me. It apparently happened because I was eating some food and some dropped on the floor, when I found a piece those ants were having a picnic. They had a Disneyworld-ride length line leading to the goods out to the grass where they came from.
There's one crazy upside: I cleaned my car more thoroughly than I ever had before. I didn't have repellent so I grabbed a can of Lysol and unloaded nearly the entire can on those freeloading pests. Wiped the inside out 'til there was no sign of any ants anywhere. Then I went to the car wash & got the deluxe hot wax. Then I used the mechanic's car vacuum to suck up any left along with all the crumbs & debris. Then I topped it off by doing something I would not do until I sold the car: cleaned out the armrest compartment & door containers of excess trash.
My ride was like brand new when I was done. Shiny, fresh-smelling, dirt & insect free. You'd think I had a hot date or something (might have to work on that...) it was so tidy. I now have a personal rule of no eating open food in the car by anyone, not me or anyone else. This should keep me from (another confession) grubbing on the road with one hand on the wheel.
Thanks ants. Hope y'all enjoyed the snacks, your sacrifice got me on some OCD ultra clean & hygenic car stuff.
I have no ass, and sometime when i listen to music, i pretend i'm on a stage performing for thousands of people.
One of the funny things about being a metal fan is the disgust and revulsion your peers express upon any contact with it. It's the media player equivalent of bringing the frog or lizard from the backyard. I can't be the only one that feels that way.
Forgive me Godfather, it has been 5 months since my last confession but I was having so much fun, ha...
= I confess I am too happy to not have to buy a bunch a gifts this holiday season. Just my Mom & bro. Working at the school I had find inexpensive gifts for 4 other women small ones for the students in my class. I love them all but shopping for them was a hassle & costly. I wish them all the best and they should be relieved to not have to get me anything either
Have to say the holidays went way better than I was expecting. I still had my moments...At the metal show, amongst the crush of high precision noise, talk of feudal warfare and "doorways to darkness" I thought of you, but not just the common thoughts of blankets, comforters, warmth, and acceptance. I thought of going to a museum with you and laughing as our kid pointed out that the Gaugin painting looked like you. Luckily no one noticed my tears or I would have been asked to relinquish my metal credentials and exit the venue immediately. It was a little bit strange to be in an actual museum looking at an actual Gaugin a few days later, but it didn't knock me down like it did at the metal show. Too much activity, too much interesting art and people around me.
It's just that occasional quiet moment that gets me, coupled with knowing I'm not going to be able to update you on how good things are going when I get back to the desert. I still really miss you. I hope someone out there is treating you well and making you feel beautiful.
"I wish more people would read and understand more about autism and Asperger's syndrome syndrome before opening there mouth."
I once had a plan to make a trilogy album about Asperger's Synderome, just so people would understand more about it. I think people will be more inclined to learn, as long as it is connected with a popular medium because some people get their stuff from movies, music, tv and music all the time. You get me? So, as a musician, I seem devoted to the idea of creating an album or two around that. I don't know if I am overreaching by wishing to have members with Aspergers, just so I can have some kind of on what I am making or saying.
Now, to get my project off the ground...
I'm tired of being the voice of reason.
I seriously don't care what race or religion you are. Why does that give a person a license to be an asshole?
I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs in the middle of the night.
I wish more people would read and understand more about autism and Asperger's syndrome syndrome before opening there mouth.
I like to eat a lot of bran, cabbage, dairy and beef and go into a Hot Topic and let out a horrendous expulsion of gas...how's the for punk rock? If you took that seriously then you really need a sense of humor.
I don't like to take pictures without my sunglasses.
After "Talk to Me" I really hate Don Cheadle. If anything, they should have had Roger Guenevere Smith play Petey Greene. Cheadle didn't look a fuckin' thing like Petey and that movie was bullshit anyway.
I'm trying to get this band project off the ground by having a jam session this Friday. I'm in the midst of Kick Out The Jams and WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!
= I don't dance very well & I'm often very self-concious about it. I know it's about letting go and just feeling the music but when it comes to asking a woman at a club to dance, hoping she says yes and being worried that I'm not dancing well it can be a less than enjoyable activity for me sometimes.
This goes back to junior high and how hard I & others got clowned for not knowing the latest dance or not doing it well enough. The early 80's were very rough in that respect but hella fun in others. Well not the 80's so much but middle school at anytime but that was my junior high era. I'm sure that I exagerrated this whole social situation but at 11-14 years old, every little bump is a severe crisis. This can go into the similar stories some AfroPunk's tell of not being as traditionally "hip" and "Black" as what their more mainstream "Black" friends were. In my case I loved all the Soul/Hip Hop music my majority Black peer group liked, I just couldn't dance very well with a girl on the floor in front of everybody. And I did practice alone in my room, in bathroom, by myself until I was semi-confident I had one move down.
Then I'd go to the jam and hold up the wall all night.
After 3 decades I'm only slightly past that. I will dance on the unique occasion I'm really in the mood but all the elements and planets must align and that's not often. Funny because sometimes I'll see folks being self-conscious at parties and wonder what their problem is...then I remember I'm standing by the speaker with a cranberry juice watching the dancers also.
Not to say I don't dance at or never do. It's just the whole go-to-a-club-and-ask-a-chick thing has never been that fun for me. I actually like going to a venue and listening to a group or DJ perform whether Hip Hop, soul, rock, etc. And I might be there rocking out hard. But the whole nightclub scene & posture ain't my thing but still go every now and then. When I do get a woman to mercifully dance with me, I'm in my mind the whole time I'm thinking: how do I look? am I going it right? she thinks I'm corny...I've been doing the same move for 5 songs...can grind in against her? maybe...
The reason I'll go at all is because there are women there. And I'll go wherever they are, ha. The club environment still isn't my favorite place to hook with ladies but if they're there, then I will drag myself in and put myself through the literal "mating dance" since I want to uh, "mate" with someone. I probably go to as many dance clubs as I do concerts/musical performances which ain't that much. I'd go to more shows if the acts & gladly pay to watch & dance in a crowd alone for 2 hours if the acts I like came around more often. It's just not as easy to meet women at these events. Strange that I'm less nervous about stepping to a woman on the street I don't know than asking that same woman to dance in a club.
That said, in a bit I'm heading out to a club in a few to hopefully dance with some women (wish me luck) or at least sip some juice by the wall.
Good luck on the dancing and clubbing thing, XD. If it's any consolation, it is even more uncomfortable for us old fashioned women who have to wait for a guy to ask us to dance. That is probably why I don't go alone to any dance club, because I don't feel comfortable dancing along on the floor. And that is why, on the occasions I do go, I HAVE to bring a friend with me, one of only a few I know who will, who is cool with dancing with me on the floor. I guess us women can get away with that more than the guys, but it has always been my GURANTEE that I have a dance partner and when the groove HITS? I can grab my friends hand and say LET GO DANCE!!!! Unfortunately, I have very few friends who will go these days. They live traditional family living responsiblities, and they just dont go out like that anymore.
It is getting weird for me but I still go to shows either alone with friends. If I like the music I'm going.
I secretly LONG to meet someone compatible that we are happy together AND likes dancing with me.
I can't dance either but I never gave a shit. Big crowded dancefloor? No one ever said shit to me even I looked dorky.
Music makes me happy. I am kinda ashamed I can't do that club scene alone comfortably, but every now and then I can convince a couple friends to go with me to certain clubs, especially the soul or ska or hip hop ones, and I LOVE IT.
XDMM9, it bears saying: try to learn NOW to dance with the music you enjoy and not give a damn what others think of you. Its not the teen years anymore, the bad memories still hurt me to but I rarely think of them. I am in the moment when GOOD MUSIC AND BEATS come on, and I am incredibly happy on the rare opportunities I get to be out there dancing.
If you are feeling good with the dance partner lady on the floor with you, wear that with confidence!
Thanks Rosenda. I actually had a cool times at the club over the weekend (meet some ladies, no #'s though, ha). Moved a bit alone to the music but not tearing up the circle this time. Just have to get to that 'whatever' state at each club outing.
= I have recently tried to ignore news reports about about the perils our young brothers deal with because it's often too painful to deal with. The ongoing Trayvonn Martin trail starting I'm not watching directly because it's guaranteed to be ubiquitous, there isn't a place you hear about it since the Boston bombings are cooling off as a hot story.
In Rolling Stone mag they did a current story about how often brothers are killed for little reason and I had to flip past it. I don't feel like walking the street all day mad at every white person I see over something they did not directly do. It just makes me angry & frustrated, I got enough angst if my life I'm trying to reduce & eliminate. At some point will see that film about the Central Park 5 who were falsely conspired against by the NYPD and courts and accused, persecuted, arrested and imprisoned for raping a white woman back in the late 80's. But I'm not rushing it, gotta be mentally & emotionally ready for that.
True we must stay awre of these ordeals because it effects us directly, we all have young people in our families & lives. But I need some insulation from the massive depressing media glut of negative facts & stats.