Double Standard in Dating

it's interesting to me how both males and females of non-white races are so quick to judge their counterparts on the basis of past experiences. IE say a black man has a bad experience dating a black woman and then swears off them or when an asian woman does the same with asian men. this is almost never the case with white couples. you dont have a white woman have a bad experience with a white man and stop dating them or vice versa.

it just illustrates how much we as minorities have come to internalize all the propaganda bullshit fed to us through the media everyday since we were born. in all forms of media, racial minorities are often portrayed as carbon copies of established stereotypes with very little variation in between. meanwhile, white characters are given a full range of emotions, personalities, and motives. each is unique in their own way and shown that they are each unique and represent the full range of humanity. because of this, when white people date other white people, they see each other as individual people, unique from the next potential person they may date in the future. in contrast, when we as minorities date minorities, we subconsciously check them against their racial identities, grouping them as one whole homogeneous group.

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Permalink Reply by void on August 17, 2008 at 2:33am

I get what you're saying for the most part. I can't really comment on this. I also agree that a lot of things are internalize we don't question it. :backs out of thread:

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Permalink Reply by LesYpersound on August 17, 2008 at 4:32am

i think when it comes to dating this stuff gets very confusing very quickly. of course i agree with the general sentiment that normalcy is whiteness and others are racialized/dehumanized...but to infer that white people don't receive some of the flac back when it comes to dating/sex isn't true as evidenced thru pop culture and the reality around us...

i feel like the folks who do this the most are garden variety racist whites and people of color trying to justify their preference for dating white people.

Also, there are white people who categorize other white people's relationship habits as a "white thing" (always in flux w/ POC of course--yet still defined by white normalcy).
and there are definitely people of color who categorizing white people's supposed habits as a trait belonging to whites.

in otherwords, imo, all of this cuts every which way.

and white women aren't exactly escaping unscathed from all of this when you have misogynist black men preferring white (or asian or foreign black) women because of an assumption that they are easier to control and dominate.

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Permalink Reply by celestial on August 18, 2008 at 11:11am

Nah, I have had white female friends and have had a couple of ex girlfriends that swore off white guys. I guess they where a little more urbanized than most which was a great factor in the mix but non the less whites do the same, its just not noticed as much. The only thing is and what i have come to realize is that white couple or people in general are a lot better at hiding things and keeping things to them selves than most. Besides from what I've read on here what white person would admit to swearing off someone of their own race for one of a minority anyway. As far as stereotypes and labeling most guys who get fed up with the ghetto mentality of some of these females out there. once you run into 4 and 5 in a row i kind of figure its human nature to steer away from that. I want to compare it to a rat trying to find cheese, only going to hit the wall that shocks it once or twice, after that its not going back that way.

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Permalink Reply by Rosenda on August 18, 2008 at 12:24pm

Jinsoo, I think that's just a human trait: when you start dating when you are young, bad and good things happen. Sometimes a lot of bad stuff happens in relationships, and your mind over time replays that in fear somewhat, before you start dating someone else. You think and feel "oh shit, I don't want that bad stuff to happen again, I'm so scared that it will".

I see that among all ethnic groups, and it's totally random in our human brains what connects with what (does our mind think it's all guys or just all white guys or just all black guys or just all latino guys or just all asian guys, etc etc etc etc, and vice versa for the guys too). I doubt it's just non-white people.

The theory you're getting at I think is more due to the ratio and numbers of just how many people one man or woman has dated outside their race. The more they have dated those in other ethnic groups, I think it's less likely to have that attitude with the next person. Also, the more good experiences that person has had in dating those outside their group, the less likely it is.

When you think of it, that is kind of the opposite of what you said. The person who thinks "I had a bad experience with someone outside my race so it must be just them" might also be ignoring those some bad experiences in their own ethnic group, when they clearly existed the same.

Does that make sense? I think dating within and without your own ethnic group is so random to posit a theory that works all the time, and it's hella confusing dating anyone period. You learn and discover what works and doesn't work for yourself over time, I think that's the best anyone can do in their personal life.

And best of luck to you and lady, Man! Right on. Your picture just reminded me of an older cousin of mine who has been married for a good 25 years to a Japanese man. Let me tell you, their wedding was A TRIP and such fun. We all went to the reception at a Chinese restaurant and our family was a lot of black people, japanese people, and quite a few Mexicans, and a couple Brazilians, who'd married into the family somewhere. ;)

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Permalink Reply by Rosenda on August 18, 2008 at 12:33pm

One more thing: I have a good example of all this in the oppsite direction, when it comes to parents. Parents usually want what and who they think is the best for their children, right?

A good friend of mine, who is Black and Filipina, went to university in Atlanta area many years ago, and she said when she was first dating, one time she went out with a white guy. When she told her Filipina mother about this, she chewed her out about it and said "you should only get involved with a Black man, they are the only ones who will treat you right. Stay away from those white guys, they are nothing but trouble."

!! She said it was pretty funny but she said she realized that, because she'd had such a happy life with her father, she'd rather assumed the best about all Black men, and wanted her children to stick with her wishes.

Jinsoo, I do see your point of how minorities do get affected by outside bad images and all stereotypes that the media puts out there and that people often repeat to others, including their kids.

I also think people brand those of another ethnic groups based on their good and bad experiences, whether we are talking of romantic dating or just platonic friendship.

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Permalink Reply by Gullah*Gotham*Glitter on September 15, 2008 at 10:21pm

You know what, I never really thought about it but you have a point. Most of the wiggers that I know have never dated other Caucasins. They just went straight to African Americans for whatever reason. So none of them ever have the excuse that their race did them wrong.

I really don't understand why so many minorities fall into this category. Why are we all so quick to turn against our own people? I do think it is propaganda that we are fed at a young age. From little things like "white Barbies" to out right having the "white is right" stereotype enforced into us.

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Permalink Reply by lyfenlyn on October 23, 2008 at 12:33pm

celestial said:

Nah, I have had white female friends and have had a couple of ex girlfriends that swore off white guys. I guess they where a little more urbanized than most which was a great factor in the mix but non the less whites do the same, its just not noticed as much. The only thing is and what i have come to realize is that white couple or people in general are a lot better at hiding things and keeping things to them selves than most. Besides from what I've read on here what white person would admit to swearing off someone of their own race for one of a minority anyway. As far as stereotypes and labeling most guys who get fed up with the ghetto mentality of some of these females out there. once you run into 4 and 5 in a row i kind of figure its human nature to steer away from that. I want to compare it to a rat trying to find cheese, only going to hit the wall that shocks it once or twice, after that its not going back that way.

That's funny, 'fed up with the ghetto mentality'. Like they stop dating ghetto black women for the ivy leage, country club uber rich white girls? NO they start dating ghetto white girls.

I met several overwight white girls who had stopped dating white men, basically because of their weight issues. Black men they said were more accepting of their weight. Yet, a black woman of the same size wasn't good enough for the same black man? hmmmmmmm. A black woman doing the same thing as the white one was critisized, and the white woman beyond repproach. WHAT IS THAT BUT BRAINWASHING?

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Permalink Reply by Brikachu on November 23, 2011 at 10:22am

So sad but true!

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Permalink Reply by LeStrange on December 3, 2012 at 4:18am

Don't know what world you are living in but I have seen whites that swear off dating other whites due to bad experiences. I have heard white women that date black men say they treat them better. Not to mention the white men that date outside the things they say about white women.