Being Selfish?

There is this man I have been dating for almost 2 years now. Back in February he was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. Since then it seems he hasn't been able to work a lot and is steadily getting worse. I have all but gone through all of my savings and am living pay check to pay check. I had to pull my little girl out of private school and send her to live with her father. I feel like I can not do this any longer, although I love him as a person I am starting to resent him and I want to leave him. Is that kicking someone when they are down? Am I being selfish? There are just things I want out of life and I do not feel like I will accomplish them staying in this situation. plus I really miss my daughter :(

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Permalink Reply by K on August 9, 2011 at 4:02pm

I am sorry to say this...but you were being selfish by not putting your daughter first from jump street. Even if you love this man, do you love him more than your daughter? Taking her out of private school (interfering with her eduction which will help determine her future) and then sending her away to live with her dad (self esteem issues), you seemingly put the love/loyalty you have for this man before your daughter. Kids catch onto things very quickly and she may internalize this and feel that you love this man more than you love her. In a child's mind's eye, you should not have sent her away.

You did a good thing by standing by this man who you love, but on the other hand your daughter should have been the number one. After giving the most to your child, whatever you had left over, you could give to your man.

But since you did not make a commitment to this fellow, you can walk away. You can decide that your daughter is the number one in your life and tell him you need to do what is best for you and your daughter.

It is also possible to work this out with him, if you love him. You can still be there for him, but your priorities need to be to your child and your self.

Does he not have health insurance? There are some services that assist person's who don't have the money to pay for their treatment.

I hope this helps.

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Permalink Reply by Mäkkonen on August 9, 2011 at 4:03pm

We'll I feel "you two" should have a talk. Not to sound cruel,but to me it looks as if his disease is manifesting itself in your life. Being that you're seemingly struggling/exhausting yourself alongside him, it's doesn't look like it will have a good end well.

On the matter of "selfishness", this is a very complicated term for myself at least. Do you feel you have anything in abundance to offer to him in this particular circumstance--Other than support? Anyhow i feel you two should just have this conversation.

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Permalink Reply by kifaru on August 9, 2011 at 4:53pm

Cut him loose and get your baby back....or don't. Hanging with someone through the thick and thin is what love is about. The thing is there is no guarantee that he will appreciate it. There is a therapy he might try. It involves intentionally infecting himself with worms. This seems to give relief to some crohn's suffers due to it being an auto-immune disease.

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Permalink Reply by LesYpersound on August 9, 2011 at 7:00pm

no you wouldnt be selfish. you gave more than is reasonable--esp time w/ your daughter

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Permalink Reply by Mark Clemons on November 15, 2011 at 9:34pm

U have to look out 4 U in the long run.Not to many chicks would let their kids live with their fathers,I know my son's mom wouldn't.I've had chicks try to take food out of my sons mouth but I wasn't having that shit! U AIN'T MARRIED 2 HIM!!!!!!!