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Are you celibate/abstinent? If not, would you ever consider being celibate/abstinent, why/why not?? Under what circumstances??

Tags: celibacy

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Mesi and Lesy by those definitions of celibacy and abstinence, do you feel that implies choice of those things? I'm curious because I've been in a position where I am abstinent and celibate by circumstance not by choosing/ wanting to be, do you know what I mean?

I'd like to start dating and be intimate and all the rest, but I have not met anyone who's reached out. Or anyone at all. I have to learn about deliberately dating to go after those things, and it's not something I ever did before so I'm clueless where to start.

Up til now, I just met guys along the way of life here and there and friends too, and it feels artificial to me to go after it deliberately. And the idea of that is scary too.

Kind of at a crossroads here and so I think I'm abstinent out of fear somewhat and not being sure the safest positive way for me to meet folks.

yeah if sex workers aren't a choice for you--in a round-about way you're still choosing to abstain. :]

 

internet dating... it can feel ridiculous, but it's a reasonable option imo.  i used to feel really embarrassed when i told ppl my last and now my current person and I met through the interwebs.  the way to do internet dating in my opinion is to skip messaging a shit ton and just meet in person and in public, as soon as is convenient so you can tell if you're clicking IRL or not.  i don't think you need to pay for a dating site, but if you're low on time and patience maybe those pay-sites would be worth it--to help really wade through potential crap that you'd be bombarded with potentially on a free site.

also if everyone is paying then you know they're a bit more serious about finding a lasting relationship versus a bootycall.

I'm abstinent and the funny thing is that i'm surrounded by so-called "beautiful" people. I'm not compelled to seek sexual gratification when this should first happen in the mind. I'm a true believer in indulgence, yet the energy of some is well enough to curb one's appetite.

 

However, I do miss the days of blind ignorance and the fulfilling exploitation of novelty.

LOL I feel U on that boo.

AbbytheEmigrant said:

I'm abstinent and the funny thing is that i'm surrounded by so-called "beautiful" people. I'm not compelled to seek sexual gratification when this should first happen in the mind. I'm a true believer in indulgence, yet the energy of some is well enough to curb one's appetite.

 

However, I do miss the days of blind ignorance and the fulfilling exploitation of novelty.

Abstinent but not because I really want to be. It's a miracle that I am though. I would probably be all over the place.
i am celibate not of my own will. I would love to get laid i just meet assholes and then they leave before we get into it. Many People who arent even relgious have told me i should wait till i am married or i am just a good girl. So i would like to get to know the guy i am sharing my body with if only for just a couple of times. I really have to trust my body to you to give it up. The guys i meet treat me like shit so under certain circumstances i am celibate cause i have a bad stroke of luck.
i agree i do envy the causal sex ppl... I have some friends who are like that and they tell me to just turn your heart off... but even then they tell me not to do it at all.

Rosenda said:

Been without and celibate for just over a year. Playing with oneself is okay sometimes but don't really do the trick.

I can't get turned on by a total stranger, so I guess that's out, until I meet someone I really trust and connect with and someone who wants what I want, to build a relationship.  I think I rushed head first and heart forward with the wrong person at the wrong time.  I'm still recovering: just because you feel he's the one, he ain't unless he feels you are his one back and is ready to start something serious back with you.  Period.  I kinda envy folks who can have random sex cause that would be nice sometimes.  I just don't think that's meant for me, my body won't respond to someone I don't like or don't trust wholeheartedly.

 

Fuck.  I wanna meet a right person while I'm still young enough to enjoy it.

I wish I could turn my heart off, but I can't.  I've never been able to do that even once.

Well maybe that's a good thing.

You put this perfectly Ro. I've tried to be casual with people but I'm way too emotional. Also, i know what I want, which is an actual relationship. What's the point of putting myself into situations that aren't going to lead to what I want. And ones that aren't incredibly satisfying anyway. I'm so happy that there are people who understand how I feel on this. I feel like i'm over 30...i should just give it up, but in my heart, i want a relationship and casual sex will never be ok.

Rosenda said:

I can't get turned on by a total stranger, so I guess that's out, until I meet someone I really trust and connect with and someone who wants what I want, to build a relationship. I kinda envy folks who can have random sex cause that would be nice sometimes.  I just don't think that's meant for me, my body won't respond to someone I don't like or don't trust wholeheartedly.

 

Fuck.  I wanna meet a right person while I'm still young enough to enjoy it.

 

I wouldn't say I was celibate/abstinent, I will say I was "GOOD" in that my girl friend had problems and issues, so we could never be together in the Biblical sense for a year.  No, neither she nor I were in jail or anything trashy like that.

 

During this time, "the really, REALLY hot chick" I had the hots for at work starts coming on to me.  She didn't even know I had a girlfriend.  She was working hard to get me interested.  Real hard.  This was after 9 months of no nooky.  But, as I said, I was good.  I wasn't even tempted (but I was thinking, sonofabitch, why weren't you interested a year ago?! and, damn, she's fine).

 

If you're in a committed relationship, that's the way it is.

 

Shit of it is, after about a year, when she got settled, we broke up 3 months later.  Damn.

 

That was a long, long time ago.  But a character moment I'm proud of.

Hmmm--I've been abstinent for going on 2 and a half years, and the person I finally decided to mess around with is someone I've known for a few years.  I've secretly had the hots for him for over a year, and finally got the guts up to ask him out a couple of times. He didn't even respond to that, until out of the blue last week he said he'd love to kick it with me. I asked why he was all of a sudden coming at me with this since he never sounded the least bit interested when I asked him out (actually I'd hung out with him and another friend a whole bunch of times,so maybe that's why he wasn't all that interested). He 'fessed up to not taking me seriously when I said it, but I honestly think it was because of this dress I wore 2 weeks ago to a picnic we were invited to. For the first time since I've known him, he actually gave me a compliment on what I was wearing, and I was secretly and quietly geeked up about it. Exactly one week later he 'fessed up about wanting us to kick it, and I was like, "WTF?" because he literally came out of nowhere and blindsided me with that. Spent all day with him, my other cool friend, and his family at a picnic where he cooked just about all the meat--that was some real fun.

I figured, what the hell, I know the guy, I've always liked him a lot, so I'm going for it. Right now I don't feel like being in a relationship--I let him know that upfront; I just want to date and do the sex thing now and then (in some ways, I'm still getting over the emotional fallout from an abusive-as-hell relationship I got the hell out of two years ago, plus I still hate my fucking fucked-up, I hope his current girlfriend, whom I saw him with, beats the shit out of him if he tries to beat her down like he did me, which I know his sorry,stupid,drug-addicted ass will try to do). I'm also letting that hold me back in some ways, but at least I know this and am trying to deal with it.

I'm also thinking that this is going to complicate our friendship, but at the same time, I'm like, "Fuck it, I'm going to do this, and let the chips fall where they may, gotdammit. I'm not waiting another almost 3 years to get some!" I'm still going over the pros and cons in my mind at this moment, and I've told myself that I'm getting too old to make an NSA situation more complicated that it really has to be ( I'm just on the other side of the big four-oh) and that I need to just woman up and take what's being offered to me, and stop giving myself a thousand reasons NOT to do it. I guess it's because he's not some random stranger off the street,but somebody I really like and respect, that's making it complicated for me. Whatever--I'm just gonna go through with i/go for it, because he's always been just plain fun as hell to hang out with, plus he's crazy and unconventional as an MF. Plus he treated for my birthday earlier this year, which was sweet of him. Oh, and he's single, a couple of years older than me, and dosen't seem to ever have been married, for whatever the reason. I ain't never asked him, 'cause I figured it's none of my business, but someday I'll throw it out there. Anyway, enough of my issues--have a happy july 4th!

I'm on year nine.  Weird thing for me is that it wasn't a conscious choice.  I just haven't dated anyone since 2002.  Also not a conscious choice.  I don't get asked out much and I'm kind of a homebody, which probably has a lot to do with it.  Per my friends, they think it's because I come off as intimidating . . . which is weird, because I'm so not.

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