Childfree AP

Anyone else here childfree? No plans of being in the parenting way ever? No "I had kids and don't want anymore". No adoption. No deadbeat moms/dads who bail out. No "Well maybe if I marry someone who already has kids". No fencesitting. Heck, I'll even take it to hardcore levels, no donors, no giving up kids for adoption. NO BABIES EVER.

What made you decide that a childfree lifestyle was for you? What reactions have you had from friends and family members if you've told them of your decision? Anyone been "bingoed" on a racial basis or because of the lifestyle or subculture you subscribe to? Do you want to get fixed? Anyone here been sterilized, especially if you are 30 or younger? Has being childfree impacted your romantic relationships?

Tags: 'bout, I, babies, birthin', don't, know, no, nothin'

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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on December 29, 2009 at 5:35pm

I'm 21 and I've known since I was 17 that kids are not for me. I'm already noticing a difference between me and my friends. I just want to worry about me and live for me. Some people see girls who don't want children as selfish and unattractive: RUN, don't walk away from these backwards individuals.

People have looked at me like I was crazy when I told them I didn't have kids. I've had people see me at work and come up to me with charitable contributions thinking I'm 1)black female and 2) working so I must have kids. It's odd. Especially the odd looks from women when I tell them I don't have kids.

It's something I don't really know what to feel about. I think the way society handles young mothers is just 7 shades of bullshit and a symptom of a male focused society that expects us to be privy to male whims (have their babies) and expects us to go away afterwards and not make any changes based on what "they" want us to do.

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Permalink Reply by Obsidian on December 29, 2009 at 11:35pm

I am childless. Anti teen pregnancy education scared the living daylights out of me and then they forgot to tell us a time when it is actually okay for us femmebots to procreate. I guess they just assumed once you hit "adulthood" it's automatically okay and all the scare propaganda fades away. Yea right ...

I can relate to mlle as my female peers around me all have children. All the women I work with have kids, including the ones younger than me. When I started the job everyone thought I was 16 or 17. I think that lack of babies is what made them think that way (and still slip up into thinking that).

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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on December 29, 2009 at 11:56pm

Everyone thought I was 14 or 15 and my not having babies adds to me being considered "younger" when I'm actually older. And a lot of the time, in a weird way, I get treated like I don't count in a lot of situations because I don't have a baby.

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Permalink Reply by letinstar on December 30, 2009 at 12:05am

i'm well over 30 and i've know for a looong time that i do not want children...most people do not believe me when i say this and will still say that "there's still time" when i say i'm now too old to have children...i'm sure people think i'm selfish and my mother tries to quote (unsuccessfully) the part in the bible about being fruitful and multiply...whatever..i have one nephew who i adore and tons of cousins and friends kids that i'm fine with, but i'm not interested in babies for myself....

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Permalink Reply by Morgan on December 30, 2009 at 2:56am

with kids..... i'm like i dont want any but later in life if i accendently get pregnant i shall keep it and take care of it......... i watch kids at my school end up pregnant...... especially after prom..... shit happens but damn pregnancy is going around like the flu at my school....... i'm not that girl that picks out names for future kids and talk about the future that includes marriage...... if it happens then it happens..... i dont care..... i just wanna live life for TODAY.... i dont even think about tommorow.......... cause it just might not come.... and i'm so tired of females thinking just cause they get pregnant that they gonna stay with their boyfriend forever........ cause i see people break up all the time because of that....... it'll be best to just WRAP IT UP........ its not that hard.......

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Permalink Reply by DJPimpHard on December 30, 2009 at 4:11am

Hm....I've been on and off with the kids things since about 14/15. 14/15 me decided that I would be destined to be a loner forever, 18 year old me wanted babies more than anything else, 22 year old me was like if it happens it happens and now soon to be 26 year old me, is anti baby again.

It wasn't something that I just decided on...like I wasn't like "Fuck babies" one day. It just kind of evolved...there is too much to for me to do....babies are awesome but it would put a wrench in my life at this point.

As far as romantic relations, most suitors think it's cool that I don't have a passel of bastards trailing behind me. The ones that have kids think it's cool until I tell them I don't intend on having any in the near future. Bleh, not worried about it as I only talk to childless men for the most part anyway.

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Permalink Reply by LesYpersound on December 30, 2009 at 1:53pm

"Some people see girls who don't want children as selfish and unattractive"
guys get this too. ha.
selfish and egotistical/immature/childish.
abnormal.

one of the clients at the shelter asked so sincerely if i had any kids.
i was like... "wow... y'know what, no and thank goodness for that."
i said wow because for the first time it really hit me that a lot of my peers and folks in general start having kids as young as 14, 13, or even 12...yeah. no thx, but i definitely have respect for folks who are good parents and for people who consciously chose to not have kids.

but i won't respond here any further because i know if i'm able to biologically have a kid i'll have one eventually--and my reasoning behind it is to have a human experience i'm curious about in terms of the pregnancy but i'll hopefully maintain that the child is a separate person and keep my core identity independent of being the child's mother (as opposed to idea that the child is a little me in the world to keep my "self" going after i'm dead... blah OR to produce a child who i can exploit for unconditional love ...cruel).

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Permalink Reply by ScremingMimi25 on December 30, 2009 at 5:35pm

I'm a selfish ass. I enjoy coming and going as I please.

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Permalink Reply by Rosenda on December 31, 2009 at 8:36pm

I am. I want a family but not like you think, I just want a wonderful man who loves me in my life forever.

And now that I think of it, I also think the reasons I chose not to have children before and never wanted to, are really that firstly I questioned my ability to be a good parent and children are far too serious and important to bring into the world in a half assed manner that I thought my mind was in back then, and also I was never with any man before that made me want to start a family with. Hell, no one ever even turned me on enough to want to go all the way sexually until I was later in life, and before then as much as I wanted to, I couldnt make myself do something I didnt want to do that was so intimate and trusting and important to me. I never had baby fever, that desire to have and raise children no matter what, whether it was alone or with someone. I don't think it's ever affected my relationships thus far but I have not had very many serious ones so that's all I can answer about it.

So ain't now way it could have happened anyway. Now that I'm older, 47, I want a lifetime relationship, a serious boyfriend who would ultimately want to be my husband and do it. My fear is somebody rejecting me cause I don't want kids. If he got kids already, and we get along, I would like that and I'd actually be totally fine with it. I probably would enjoy the hell out of it because I'd never had my own anyway. Just cause I never chose to have children or wanted to have children before, I still like children in general if we get along okay, just like with adults.

I do think a lot of people my age, especially in the black community who are more traditional and conservative, they have implied heavily and made it clear that they have some kind of anger or confusion at me never wanting to have kids before now.
That hurts my feelings and pisses me off. I remember telling my mom awhile ago, that I thought something was wrong with me that I didnt want to have children yet or at all, and she said "not everybody is ;meant to have kids. You're no less of a woman that you don't have any. Some people have no business having children and still they do it. Just be a good person. And you are. :) "

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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on January 2, 2010 at 4:08am

So the swinging, carefree bachelor archetype is gone, good to know, it's finally caught up with the men.

The way "society" sees it people without children are odd and can't possibly know anything about being a responsible adult no matter how old they are. What a sad herd mentality. It's almost as if you don't count if you don't have children.

Reminded me of an article I read a long time ago about accomplished people feeling pressure to run out and have kids or else all their hard work means nothing.

I think people should have less kids.

LesYpersound said:

"Some people see girls who don't want children as selfish and unattractive"
guys get this too. ha. selfish and egotistical/immature/childish. abnormal.

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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on January 2, 2010 at 4:14am

When I think of the millions of people having kids in loveless relationships or half formed, faulty and doomed relationships, it makes me appreciate people who just didn't do it.
And it's sad that people can still make you feel like your less of a woman for not having kids, as if that's our cause for existence. It's not said as much as it used to be but it's still said in not so many words and many people basically feel that way.
There's too many messed up people bringing people into the world. That is the level 1 problem with the world: pointless pressure to reproduce.

Rosenda said:

I do think a lot of people my age, especially in the black community who are more traditional and conservative, they have implied heavily and made it clear that they have some kind of anger or confusion at me never wanting to have kids before now.
That hurts my feelings and pisses me off. I remember telling my mom awhile ago, that I thought something was wrong with me that I didnt want to have children yet or at all, and she said "not everybody is ;meant to have kids. You're no less of a woman that you don't have any. Some people have no business having children and still they do it. Just be a good person. And you are. :) "

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Permalink Reply by ScremingMimi25 on January 4, 2010 at 1:15am

We allow ourselves to be pressured. Also, many of the people who are having children irresponsibly are usually younger people who have not been educated about their sexual behavior. Considering I see more and more teen parents, and also that teen pregnancy has risen a significant amount parenthood has been in some ways romanticized or made humorous. Children have even become "trendy".