There is also the gender effect here......Alpha male as strong leader/warior, Alpha female as unfeeling, abnormal, grasping.
A woman is far more likely to attract criticism for having A-type characteristics. Having the courage and strength and determination to recognise what you want and go for it is not a negative thing and should not be in my opinion for male or female. But I do question whether these A and B types really exist at all, especially in 21st century.
Madamoiselle De Sade said:
LesYpersound said:i would prefer not to... i'm undeniably a Type B personality who really dislikes stupid bossy Type A personalities.
I was reading this thread trying to get a handle on other things but this keeps standing out. This is the only way non-type A personalities describe type A people always as "stupid" and "bossy" or similar berating words yet they never see any of the "pragmatism" and genuinely good traits of people with a full tank of self perpetuating gas. Meanwhile, Type B people are almost universally praised for not being "bossy". As a type A person I am offended not only in a superficial way but on a deeper level. It reminds me of an article I read about how the western world, particularly America and Canada, is moving towards embracing a form of mediocrity (not that it's actually mediocre, mind you) while discouraging any "rebellious" hyper activity because it's more "laid back" and therefore "cool". And in my personal life, I find people frown upon people who aren't "laid back"and tend to "go get" it's a huge pet peeve of mine because to me, it ties into a belief that all type A people are the same and that type A people are robots while to be type B is to be truly human.
I used to pretend to be Type B to fit in and it took me almost 20 years to embrace my true way of wanting things- I think the real world frowns on Type A people and discourages us from using our true potential. And now that I think about it, all my enduring legends are Type A. At least 4/5ths of the Marx Brothers were undisputed Type A cannon balls and they were not "stupid", yes a little "bossy" but that's a turn of the century New Yorker thing mixed in with a healthy disrespect for authority and rules.
Then I'm reminded of how I hate the "New york" mentality of rushing, shoving, being rude/thoughtless and I realize that's what most people think of when they think of Type A personalities. I wonder what's responsible for the misconception.
I constantly come across men who understand "strength" to mean swagger. Part of their reason for developing and defending their "Alpha" image is that they believe it makes them attractive to women and because it gains them respect of their peer group. But it also provides them a safe place to be - in control and without vulnerability.
I can't speak for anyone else but I think strength is all about knowing yourself and being that self inspite of the crowd. Someone said it takes strength to stand up to your enemies but even more to stand up to your friends.
A beautiful (tall, dark, intelligent, martial-art-practicing) black man I dated not so long ago told me he would find it difficult if not impossible to admit in a group of his peers, that giving oral sex is part of his normal, healthy, happy sex life. Now this is a 40 year old father of a black man (17). We were having a discussion about Jamaican Dance Hall culture and he had brought an article about the prevalence of rape in JA to my attention.
I don't find "being laid back" particularly attractive as a description of a personality. It suggests a lack of commitment and engagement to me. But when I come across sosmeone who just HAS to go there with the "I can piss higher than you" mentality I get very, very bored.
Hell, I could write about this stuff for ever. Feel like its the discourse of my entire adulthood!! Just a reflection of where I am on my journey.
I am a relatively well educated woman with a relatively successful career (although this recession is a humbling experience and the universe is throwing some challenges my way). Everybody black tells me that I am limiting myself if I look for a black man...........There is something really distoibing about that. No?
@Mile and Les,
Since I was the one who said "Type A" first I take some of the blame for not wording that better. Society needs both types. You both pointed out the negatives of both types. I would like to modify my earlier statement by saying "out of balance Type A negative behavior." Very few people are full on type A or B. Both types can consciously adapt traits from the other. I, myself, am a textbook "Type B" (visibly laid back, ultra calm, not concerned with materialism, walk slow, artsy, the whole 9...). That said I can be somewhere on time, will tell somebody they're out of order, can and will defend myself and loved ones when called for. Things I learned from my lovely Type A folks. The issue I see is not handling your biz, but being a bull in a china shop about it. As a male I resent over-aggressiveness/ hyper masculinity (overcompensating) becoming the standard of Black "strong behavior."
I'm really glad you both are participating in the discussion. I put this out there because I wanted to see how women viewed the article and get an idea of you thought a strong black male is versus what the average rap video say. I think the definition of strong back male got broken when mass amounts of dudes stopped being dads and shirked their responsibility. That left a lot of black boys and girls uneducated as to what expectations of the black and family are.
Sorry my lack of clarity derailed the conversation. To all reading this, I'm learning a lot and I hope everyone else is benefiting as well. Please let's continue.
Wow, it sounds like they're telling you to lower YOURSELF just to make someone else happy. Assholes.
Everybody black tells me that I am limiting myself if I look for a black man...........There is something really distoibing about that. No?
Not black, but a guy some would call an alpha male.
Much respect for him finally coming out and the loving reactions of his wife, parents, coach, and teammates.