... the other Black experience
Does weight REALLY matter??
So, last night I was just searching around the web like I usually do when I can't sleep and stumbled upon some threads (on other websites) where females asked men "Is 5'5 180lbs too big?" "Do men consider 5'7 190lbs too fat?" "I'm 160lbs, am I thick...do guys like thick girls?".
I'm not going to lie, I'm not skinny by ANY means. I'm thick, but I don't consider myself fat. A lot of guys on these threads were so...so...shallow! I was so angry I had to shut off my laptop.
A. People distribute their weight differently. You can be 5'5 and 160lb and not even look it and then there are some you can definitely tell and it looks unhealthy.
B. The average American women is 5'8 I believe and like 150-160, about a size 12-14. How is that big?!?
C. Short and thick does NOT equal fat.. >.<
Why do we idealize thinness? Is being average size/weight really a turn off? I have a theory..the guys who are the shallowest probably have nothing to offer them selves. I understand that sexual attraction is what draws two people to each other in the first place but there is a fine line between sexual attraction and just wanting a "trophy" girlfriend on your arm. In that case I want a Reggie Bush on my arm (-__-) I have had insecure moments where I dated guys my weight or a little smaller but it was not that big of a deal and those who found me "fat" were just shallow, douche bags who dated girls that wore make 24/7 and got made up for classes like they were going to the club lol I was just too down to Earth I suppose =P.. I could go on and on all day lol.
I would like to hear others opinions... Is weight/size really THAT BIG of a deal when it comes to dating someone? Is it all about arm candy? And would you ever date someone heavier than you (guy or girl)? How much is too much?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by GarageBandKings on -
It's a huge epidemic in the gay community. I myself am considered a "chub". There is a bear community and when I first moved to Chicago I thought finally I could meet some guys into guys that look like me. But then I started going to the bear nights and it was all glorified on the chubby white boy or "daddy". bear. Being black dudes were very rude to me too. Either they want a chubby white boy, a chaser, a bottom boy, or someone over 40. Even the fact that I look younger than what I am turned lots of guys away too. Luckily my boyfriend now loves me the way I am and adores me. It just sux for the other chubby black boys out there still looking for Mr. Right
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Permalink Reply by Rosenda on -
GBK, I never knew that about the bear dudes. Now that you mention it, some flyers I saw once in the retail office once for a private film company that was selling Bear compilation DVDs, all of them WERE white bear dudes. That sucks. Perhaps that speaks to some larger discrimination issues among some men.
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Permalink Reply by Rosenda on
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About the bigger general weight question. For me, I think it matters most to deal with how I feel about my own size at any particular moment, because now I fully see the fact that I cannot control what other men or women think of my weight, but I can do something about how I feel about myself and my weight.
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Permalink Reply by 3ri5xqnnu48l6 on -
I so agree with you!
Rosenda said:About the bigger general weight question. For me, I think it matters most to deal with how I feel about my own size at any particular moment, because now I fully see the fact that I cannot control what other men or women think of my weight, but I can do something about how I feel about myself and my weight.
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Permalink Reply by Patrick Thunderbreath Chappelle on -
It's not a big deal. People talk because that's what they do. You like what you like, and that's all there is to it.
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Permalink Reply by ismokejane on -
my future afro-punk wife betta be that thick
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Permalink Reply by Gullah*Gotham*Glitter on -
I think todays society has become too politically correct. Because for the longest fat people where ridiculed now things have reversed and want to feel sorry for them. I don't. Weight is something that matters to me, not just because of physical appearence but because of health and well being. I want to live a long and happy life with my future spouse. When you're overweight and out of shape you reduce your life expectancy via a shit tone of health problems.
I agree people carry their weight differently. I firmly belive that people need to find a weight that is both healthy and comfortable for them.
I've noticed the problem with a lot of Black Women is that we want to be "thick" for our man. So you have Black Women out there maintaining and/or eating themselves to unhealthy weights to appeal to their man. Yeah you may have a man but you can't breathe when going up stairs, you can't do basic activities, and you're bursting out of your clothes. I have a friend is 5'8 and at one point in time was over 200lbs because she said her man liked her that way. She eventually admitted that she was uncomfortable and felt unsexy at the size that she was. Regardless of what dudes said to her still looking good, she felt very unattractive. I'm 5'3 and at my fattest I was 180lbs. I felt the same way. Men told me all the time how good I looked but I way incredibly uncomfortable with that much weight.
People know what they want and what they are attracted to. Are there shallow people out there, yes. But you can't always hate on someone for what they like just because you don't fit those standards. There is someone out there for everybody. There are men more attracted to Venus then they are to Serena or Rihanna then Beyonce. Just because a dude isn't into thick women doesn't mean that he's shallow.
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Permalink Reply by Brie Nicole Holt on -
um yes where I live that i super common. But I am a thick girl and all my bfs have been muscler.
Michael Sylvester said:You hear about guys being into fat chicks, but never about girls in fat dudes. Does that ever happen?
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Permalink Reply by Brie Nicole Holt on
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If everyone was the same size there would be no diversity. And just because you aren't skinny doesn't mean you are out of shape, I am "over-weight" but I can run as many miles as my skinny friends. Those are stereotypes. No one shouls be made to feel unattractive for the size they are. And thats why your friend feels uncomfortable. In parts of Arica, Italy bigger woman are thought to be more attractive we live in a country where we have a white eurpoean standarded of beauty and the more pressure is put to look that way less people will be that way.
Gullah*Gotham*Glitter said:I think todays society has become too politically correct. Because for the longest fat people where ridiculed now things have reversed and want to feel sorry for them. I don't. Weight is something that matters to me, not just because of physical appearence but because of health and well being. I want to live a long and happy life with my future spouse. When you're overweight and out of shape you reduce your life expectancy via a shit tone of health problems.
I agree people carry their weight differently. I firmly belive that people need to find a weight that is both healthy and comfortable for them.
I've noticed the problem with a lot of Black Women is that we want to be "thick" for our man. So you have Black Women out there maintaining and/or eating themselves to unhealthy weights to appeal to their man. Yeah you may have a man but you can't breathe when going up stairs, you can't do basic activities, and you're bursting out of your clothes. I have a friend is 5'8 and at one point in time was over 200lbs because she said her man liked her that way. She eventually admitted that she was uncomfortable and felt unsexy at the size that she was. Regardless of what dudes said to her still looking good, she felt very unattractive. I'm 5'3 and at my fattest I was 180lbs. I felt the same way. Men told me all the time how good I looked but I way incredibly uncomfortable with that much weight.
People know what they want and what they are attracted to. Are there shallow people out there, yes. But you can't always hate on someone for what they like just because you don't fit those standards. There is someone out there for everybody. There are men more attracted to Venus then they are to Serena or Rihanna then Beyonce. Just because a dude isn't into thick women doesn't mean that he's shallow.
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Permalink Reply by kifaru on -
It looks like Brie is putting in a vote for that never happens. Women are just as prejudiced about body type as men. It's human and there's no denying it.
Brie Nicole Holt said:um yes where I live that i super common. But I am a thick girl and all my bfs have been muscler.
Michael Sylvester said:You hear about guys being into fat chicks, but never about girls in fat dudes. Does that ever happen?
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Permalink Reply by X-D-D-M*9 on
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I'd agree men & women are equally biased or open. Women will look past weight for certain often non-physical characteristics and men will to a point.
The greater majority of Black men I know (myself included) are attracted to thicker size on Black women and women of color mostly but not solely. White women rarely fill out as well when they gain weight. I take them as I see them; my last girlfriend was an athlete and loved everything about her physique but I've dated bony to extra thick women.
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