... the other Black experience
Essence Magazine & Reggie Bush
So in the February Issue of Essence Magazine they featured Reggie Bush as the " What is your Fantasy?" and a lot of black women became upset that he was chosen as a black womens fantasy because he's dating Kim Kardashian. I mean they seems to be pretty up in arms about this. My thoughts on it are.... why does it matter? I get that he isn't dating a black woman and he may or may not marry one. But why is interracial relationships involing black men and women of another race such a bitter issue? I don't see white women, hispanic women, asian women or any woman for that matter of a different race as " stealing our men". I feel if they want to this outside of the box and be open minded and date and experience another culutre then they should be able to do that.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on -
For black women interracial dating is still a loaded subject and it brings up all kinds of insecurities. Add into that black women are expected to "stand by our men" but what the hell is the point in that? If they want light skin and long straight hair they'll have it. There are plenty of non-black men who like our "ugliness". It's a crutch. I get up in arms when I see black women complaining about the color struck "brothas" (yet they'll do anything to appeal to and please the "brothas" with colorstruck standards and the world at large that treats us differently for not being bright, light and straight of hair like a broken mule, a whipped ass, a slave) who treat us like nasty cold leftovers but won't explore their own interracial options. We don't have to be victims or slaves or patsies or punching bags.
Kim Kardashian represents the perfect fantasy image of an ideal black woman. Skin not too dark, straight, long hair and a big booty (and european features). That's the perfect image of a black woman in our "culture". It's so sick, twisted and sad because she isn't even black but that's what many black men want. Especially the successful ones, they want these perfect women to show their status. Dark, negroid women with nappy hair are for less successful men. Sad but it's true. We're on the bottom.
Anyway, the women probably gout upset because if he doesn't want one of us why should we worship him. And I get that. Because I feel the same way. You don't want me, I don't want you and I'm not going to pine for your change or heart or hold out hope. "Fuck you".
It's odd though because I do date interracially and the FIRST people to say something to me about it in a snarky manner are the black men who rejected my black ass for something "ideal" (white girl, asian girl, hispanic girl)- mind you, these are men I've never seen with a black girlfriend. What does that mean?
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Permalink Reply by Arianna Garcia on -
I feel the thing with black women hating black men who are colorstruck but then on the flip side wanting to appeal to their standards is a double edged sword. I feel if it plays out in their favor then it's fine but if it doesn't and those colorstruck black men fall for the white, asian, mixed, or hispanic women then they are no good dogs. I feel that you should find someone who loves you inside and out, no matter color. I feel that if you stick to wanting to date purely black men, but then hate them for dating another race then you're just going in a neverending cirlce. Step outside your realm for once and explore. You might be surprised at what you might find. About yourself and about others.
Mlle d. Sade said:For black women interracial dating is still a loaded subject and it brings up all kinds of insecurities. Add into that black women are expected to "stand by our men" but what the hell is the point in that? If they want light skin and long straight hair they'll have it. There are plenty of non-black men who like our "ugliness". It's a crutch. I get up in arms when I see black women complaining about the color struck "brothas" (yet they'll do anything to appeal to the "brothas" with colorstruck standards) who treat us like nasty cold leftovers but won't explore their own interracial options. We don't have to be victims or slaves or patsies or punching bags.
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Permalink Reply by Fashionfreak on -
i'm torn with this topic as always.
i agree with arianna but i also agree with mile.
what about the asians, hispanics, and whites that date only amongst eachother? i don't think there is anything wrong with wanting just your kind.
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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on
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So many black people are totally immersed in Euro-centric beauty standards free thought about what really matter does not exist. Especially when the intra-hatred occurs in the small jabs within your own family to you and you're raised on that it can be impossible to clear all that smoke out- it'd be like trying to erase the last 700 years. We have been programmed since birth and few of us ever realize it. Plus, black women dating interracially is still socially punished in most parts. We're supposed to stick by our man and be punching bags for the world because we're on the bottom. Any aspect of our "black beauty" is drug through the mud and used to make us out to be hypersexual hoes. Which is also a product of the last 700 years.Not making excuses but to really understand how to change it you have to understand the forces at work that make it happen and make it happen on every level. No person can be an island because it's just impossible to live in a world full of societies outside of one, psychologically and literally.
Arianna Garcia said:I feel the thing with black women hating black men who are colorstruck but then on the flip side wanting to appeal to their standards is a double edged sword. I feel if it plays out in their favor then it's fine but if it doesn't and those colorstruck black men fall for the white, asian, mixed, or hispanic women then they are no good dogs. I feel that you should find someone who loves you inside and out, no matter color. I feel that if you stick to wanting to date purely black men, but then hate them for dating another race then you're just going in a neverending cirlce. Step outside your realm for once and explore. You might be surprised at what you might find. About yourself and about others.
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Permalink Reply by Arianna Garcia on
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And I totally see where you're coming from with asians, hispanics, and whites dating within their own race. I've noticed, especially with asians that's it's int heir culture to stay within they're race. It's highly frowned upon, and they won't just get a slap on the wrist but virtually disowned and left on their own in they try and push those boundaries and date outsdie their race. I feel with hispanics it has a lot to do with family. Young hispanic women a lot of the times end up marrying or bearing children with men they've known since they were kids and grew up with or were family friends. They are very about they're hispanic culture and religon and that can be a hard thing to fit into, especially if you're an outside race trying to come into that close knit family setting. And not to sound so cut and dry but with white people it's a lot about how they grew up and not being around a lot of different races as children, being sheltered by their parents and not experience other races and their cultures. So in order to protect themselves and their children from the big bad black experience, etc, they date, mingle, and socialize within their race and social rank. Because you notice how a lot of white children who do mingle with other races are definitely more cultured and understand a lot better than their " whiter" counterpart.
Fashionfreak said:i'm torn with this topic as always.
i agree with arianna but i also agree with mile.
what about the asians, hispanics, and whites that date only amongst eachother? i don't think there is anything wrong wanting just your kind.
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Permalink Reply by Q.A.Bradford on -
I think that the issue is that when it comes to pleasing Africanate women, i is quite difficult for most men. Of all the populations of women on the planet, those with the highest African fidelity have always been quite strong. Therefore men are intimidated. If as a woman, you have the power of intimidation, cultivated, what a mad desires does no longer matter because its your desire is what counts.
To be honest, a fantasy of an empowered "Black" woman revolves around the idea of power. Men have the fantasy of doing what they want--romanticizing or ravishing--a woman. On the other hand women continue the passive role of wanting to be pleased. The Reggie Bush problem wouldn't be a problem if American Africanate ladies would stop objectifying themselves and moreso objectify men. Reggie Bush is going out with Kim Kardashian. Who cares? A misandrist view is that hes a gigolo anyway, he'll fuck anybody.
Women have to adopt more physically misandrist views and desires in order to combat the misogynist views abound in male culture. You have to fight fire with fire in this case. When male viewership looks at a magazine, they hold the domain of the romancer and typically the qualities in consumtion media are not personality based, theyre appearance based. You have to be willing to wittle a man down to his appearances and let his personality be the sugar on top, if his physical qualities are on par with what you want.
The game here isn't good or bad; fair or unfair in this paternalistic world ladies. It is a rule of fuck or be fucked. Even a gay man will tell you that. Question of a woman is, are you going to continue being a top or a bottom.
Woman on top ladies, women on top. Even if you have to be a misandrist about it.
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Permalink Reply by Fashionfreak on
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ok race aside...
this is a beautiful face...whether it be pink, yellow, or orange.
just sayin lol.
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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on
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Yeah but when it becomes a preference it's a serious problem and when people have that preference they're not seeing her real beauty they're seeing their psychological attachment to what they think is beauty and a possession. She is the ideal black woman, tho. For whatever it's worth that's the ideal abstraction of what a black woman "should" look like.
She can do better than Reggie Bush, lol.
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Permalink Reply by Fashionfreak on
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i totally get what you're saying she def is the epitome of what alot of black men desire...i was just making a sidebar comment lol. it's one thing to acknowledge someone's beauty (in this example i find her gorgeous white or not) but it's another to lust after them simply because you find your own people repulsive (not saying reggie does i don't know him personally obviously this is a general statement).
ON THE FLIP SIDE...i do notice something. a lot of my darkskinned guy friends say darkskinned women don't find them as appealing as lightskinned girls do. is it because darkskinned women don't see beauty in their own complexion so they don't see it in a darkskinned guy? just curious...
oh and the funny part about this is the white guys i have come across don't find women like kim k appealing. maybe she has had that experience with her own kind and decided to date black..because they don't find her non orthodox caucasion looks attractive that black men do find attractive? something to think about.
Mlle d. Sade said:Yeah but when it becomes a preference it's a serious problem and when people have that preference they're not seeing her real beauty they're seeing their psychological attachment to what they think is beauty and a possession. She is the ideal black woman, tho. For whatever it's worth that's the ideal abstraction of what a black woman "should" look like.
She can do better than Reggie Bush, lol.
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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on
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Yeah, probably. Kim has said she and her sisters have serious self esteem issues from being held to white beauty standards and rejection in the past- I'm sure her dark complexion didn't help. I don't think white dudes in general dig her figure, some do but most don't. I think she's hot but who don't I find hot? The world just needs to stop putting people into compartments. But it won't so. ...get yours and get out is all I can say.
The white guys I've come across don't find Kim K appealing either because if they like my type then of course, she wouldn't be their type. Maybe it's not even racial, maybe it's another social illusion. I know some men like booty every where but other men don't and that got turned into something racial. As always.
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Permalink Reply by Compound Egret on -
The whole phenomenom of Black athletes and non Black spouses is worthy of discussion, but I think a key word is "fantasy". Even if Reggie Bush had never dated anyone but Black women, what are the real odds of any individual woman actually meeting, let alone getting with him in a long term relationship? A big part of many fantasies is wanting something you can't have.
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Permalink Reply by Fashionfreak on
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^^^^ no idea. they were good though, now i feel like going to download some music for my itunes.
Lianne La Havas - Is Your Love...?
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