... the other Black experience
For Black Males under 30.........
I have a question.
ever feel under assault constantly? Like nothing in this society will ever fit (as if the puzzle is being cut up)
I have been having insmonia and panic attacks (heart palpatations and shortness of breath) for about 2 years now worrying about wheter or not I'll ever be able to start a family and provide for them. Seeing as though 66% of Black couples break up due to financial matters (read that in 2004, could be different by now) and the state of the economy, chances look slim for many Africa blooded males in America...in terms of sustaining a traditional relationship.
It hit me yesterday (extremely hard) because I was at a festival an I saw numerous people I went to high school with (majority Mexican and white) and most of them have families of their own. My mother made a joke regarding if Ill ever give her grandchildren. Although it was a joke, it was heavy. It made me think about life, stagnation, opportunities, social relationships. The fact that due to the world around me, the chances of finding a woman (that will stay with me through hard times), starting a family, being abe to do things outside the cycle of job loss, depression, escape negative encounters with Black women, be able to keep a woman long enough to build the love necessary to start a family....the chances of these things dont seem realistic.
so Black males under 30....ever get stressed due to the fact you feel as though youll never be able to start a family and be a provider??
Speak....type...blog
ever feel under assault constantly? Like nothing in this society will ever fit (as if the puzzle is being cut up)
I have been having insmonia and panic attacks (heart palpatations and shortness of breath) for about 2 years now worrying about wheter or not I'll ever be able to start a family and provide for them. Seeing as though 66% of Black couples break up due to financial matters (read that in 2004, could be different by now) and the state of the economy, chances look slim for many Africa blooded males in America...in terms of sustaining a traditional relationship.
It hit me yesterday (extremely hard) because I was at a festival an I saw numerous people I went to high school with (majority Mexican and white) and most of them have families of their own. My mother made a joke regarding if Ill ever give her grandchildren. Although it was a joke, it was heavy. It made me think about life, stagnation, opportunities, social relationships. The fact that due to the world around me, the chances of finding a woman (that will stay with me through hard times), starting a family, being abe to do things outside the cycle of job loss, depression, escape negative encounters with Black women, be able to keep a woman long enough to build the love necessary to start a family....the chances of these things dont seem realistic.
so Black males under 30....ever get stressed due to the fact you feel as though youll never be able to start a family and be a provider??
Speak....type...blog
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Christopher Irving on -
Man I felt like that when I was in my mid-20's!!
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Permalink Reply by Ghettopunkrocker on -
Everyone has that. I have plans, the missus and I have been planning something out family wise. This just makes me want to work harder on my projects.
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Permalink Reply by gs56ca on -
to be honest, I'll tell you . I don't feel like raising children in this bigoted racist world. Id rather not. I've made jokes about ending my family's bloodline. If you want to raise a family then do it and stop reading statistics, they'll get you more worried. If I were you, I'd make my own world and through that raise my own children. If you know what I mean. Not ignore the world around you, but make a situation where your not constantly worried about what's happening outside. Some statistics could be biased you know, only focusing on those that are in the lower class neighborhoods, so its best you don't follow. Remember there is probably someone like you of the opposite sex , thinking the same thing. You both miss a chance if either one of you , loses hope.
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Permalink Reply by Sekou on -
yeah, my mentor and I were discussing that...how certain peole in this generation are gonna let thier family line die out.
Thats a very deepconcept to me. The concept of having your family line die out due to changing social issues in the modern world.
I look at my situation (as a Black male) and think between the women with all thier little American social hang-ups, the fact that I live in a nation that offers me no real opportunities to start a foundation to start a family of my own (with the exception of joining the military, and even thats a crapshoot) and I gotta deal wit the fact most people of my generation are anti-family/pro-individual........the outlook is scary.
gs56ca said:to be honest, I'll tell you . I don't feel like raising children in this bigoted racist world. Id rather not. I've made jokes about ending my family's bloodline. If you want to raise a family then do it and stop reading statistics, they'll get you more worried. If I were you, I'd make my own world and through that raise my own children. If you know what I mean. Not ignore the world around you, but make a situation where your not constantly worried about what's happening outside. Some statistics could be biased you know, only focusing on those that are in the lower class neighborhoods, so its best you don't follow. Remember there is probably someone like you of the opposite sex , thinking the same thing. You both miss a chance if either one of you , loses hope.
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Permalink Reply by LesYpersound on -
sorry to intrude, but i'm curious: i'm not totally understanding why other ppl's hangups concern your ability to make a family work (esp some ppl not wanting to have children). yeah a lot of external factors affect finding a partner to build with, but after that?
and from my perspective a lot of clear thinking and ambitious black women i've known who are college-bound, in college, or have graduated want stability and a family with a good, honest, hard-working man who is anywhere near their level. :]
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Permalink Reply by Sekou on
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Peoples hang-ups (based upon foolish social paradigms) make the dating world a lot less safer for us all.
Basically:
Hang-ups + not wanting to have children + Black man/Black woman infighting +media propoganda + negative preconcieved notions of almost every Black male= disaster
in a sense self-genocide and ending the family bloodline of a lot of folks. In modern times we see the effects of this, hardcore.
You say "but after that"....what happens if there is no "but after"???
LesYpersound said:sorry to intrude, but i'm curious: i'm not totally understanding why other ppl's hangups concern your ability to make a family work (esp some ppl not wanting to have children) :]
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Permalink Reply by Compound Egret on -
There are married men with families on this site. You could PM them and ask for advice. Where did they meet their wife, how did they know she was the one, how do they stay married, how do they make a living, etc. etc. Join the AP Parents group and ask there. Unless it's rhetorical.
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Permalink Reply by Busted Stitches on -
i'm not a black male.... sorry.... but i would like to respond. i do understand what you're saying..... as a black woman, or just a woman in general, i have no problem staying strong for my man when he is going through hard times; i have hard times too.... but children? more and more people i meet just dont want babies.... myself included.
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Permalink Reply by Sekou on
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well having children for me is a spiritual thing that I feel is part of my duty on this planet as revealed to me by some of my mentors throughout the years.
Why the anti-child movement?
Busted Stitches said:i'm not a black male.... sorry.... but i would like to respond. i do understand what you're saying..... as a black woman, or just a woman in general, i have no problem staying strong for my man when he is going through hard times; i have hard times too.... but children? more and more people i meet just dont want babies.... myself included.
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Permalink Reply by Obsidian on -
Here is an nteresting case. I met a man on my isle. He is in his late thirties and when he was in his early 30's he decided he wanted a child of his own. Knowing that waiting for the right woman t come along would be a challenge he'd rather not endure, he essential "hired a womb". he offered a foreign woman a chance to work on the isle and some money in exchange for having a baby for him and giving up her parental rights (the baby secured her some citizen rightts). Well his plan was a success and he now has a happy, hyper five year old son and the motther is happy and woorking on the isle and no tension has yet to surface.
I use this story to illustrate that perhaps if you let go of traditional notions of what constitutes a family, maybe then you'll be able to find what you are looking for.
Also, why the rush to have a family so young? Twenties is still adolescent in this world where securing a decent job and a roper home take a long arsed time - longer than generaions before. A more appropriate age would be late thirties to 60 and in the meanwhile enjoy the burdenfree life of not having kids as they are a huge responsibility. Perfectly cool to wnat one though. Also, there are plenty of youth out there up for adoption who could use someone who desires to share their love.
Lianne La Havas - Is Your Love...?
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