"Music from The Scales to be featured in season two of "Black Folk Don't",
a web documentary series!!!
http://blackfolkdont.com/"
... the other Black experience
How do you get over a breakup?
Oh, just curious.
How do you get over a break-up?
I think falling in love and having your heart crushed is a universal experience. What did you do to get through these low times? Did it help? Did it make things worse?
I've seen some folks jump straight into another relationship.
Some collapse into themselves.
Drink, drug, and party the pain away.
Some people immerse themselves into activities like painting, reading, running.
People sometimes chase the long lost love...
And I've always wondered about those folks who never cry...Do they cry alone when no one can see them?
Do you become embittered? Or do you hold onto hope that love is still worth pursuing?
How do you get over a break-up?
I think falling in love and having your heart crushed is a universal experience. What did you do to get through these low times? Did it help? Did it make things worse?
I've seen some folks jump straight into another relationship.
Some collapse into themselves.
Drink, drug, and party the pain away.
Some people immerse themselves into activities like painting, reading, running.
People sometimes chase the long lost love...
And I've always wondered about those folks who never cry...Do they cry alone when no one can see them?
Do you become embittered? Or do you hold onto hope that love is still worth pursuing?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Sigh Sidhe on -
i find that vodka helps..
but seriously.. time is really the only thing that works i think..
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Permalink Reply by SirScribblez on -
Posting about it on the internet works sometimes. It took me a very long time to get over my break up, but I believe it took as long as it did in part because that was a very serious relationship that had a lot of time and love commited to it. There is no time table for how long it takes, for my ex it was a month (seeing as the guy she was cheating on me with grabbed her on the rebound), but for me it took two years, and afterwards I was very peturbed it took so much time and pain, but during that time I met a lot of awesome people, made a name/life for myself, and learned a lot about this effed up world. I've done/do a substantial share of boozing, partying,burning mattresses, and bar fights; but it's no remedy for a broken heart, in fact it's not much of a good idea because you don't want to associate pain with drinking and all that jazz. But before I ramble, and continue making grammatical and spelling errors, what I can tell you from personal experience is this: take some time just being happy flying solo, realize the importance of the other loves out there ( like for friends, family, puppys, etc.), remember how young you are and how that their was a special moment you had with whoever your ex is and just appreciate the experiences you had and remember the things you learned, and if you send me 3 monthly payments of $19.99 I can tell you more about this awesome time share in Cancun! But seriously know that you WILL be alright, pain is temporary and you're probably stronger and more awesome than you may give yourself credit for (atleast I am).
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Permalink Reply by Civilized Radical Films on -
"Drink, drug, and party the pain away"
I'd never suggest this. At all, because then you'd get depressed, and you lie to yourself that drugs and alcohol are the only thing "going right" with your life.
"Do they cry alone when no one can see them?"
You damn right.
"Or do you hold onto hope that love is still worth pursuing?"
Absolutley. I believe there's someone out there for everyone. Why let one expirence fuck it up for someone who'd appreciate you? ^_^
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Permalink Reply by LesYpersound on -
do something that symbolically lets you let go of the other person/relationship/depressing feelings.
and then go on w/ yer life.
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Permalink Reply by LesYpersound on
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also it's good to keep in mind that the person who you broke up with or broke up with you isn't the only person who will ever give you the positive things in the relationship that you miss (be aware of negative thought feedback loops ppl get caught up in and make up a mantra for yourself to say when that looping starts up and you know you dont want to go there).
i suppose you've got to be determined to get to a point where you let go of the baggage (symbolically ^^^ [as i mentioned above])--and the process of letting go involves grieving. so work on cooling down and plowing through those memories/emotions/etc so you can get to that point where you're ready and open to that new relationship where you can have the positives and be aware and stop any negative patterns you've noticed via past failed/try-out relationships. :]
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Permalink Reply by Velour on -
Can I pay you in cabbage? Glad to see you're doing better. You sound like you've made a great name and life for yourself ^-^
Thomas Sean Sawyer said:Posting about it on the internet works sometimes. It took me a very long time to get over my break up, but I believe it took as long as it did in part because that was a very serious relationship that had a lot of time and love commited to it. There is no time table for how long it takes, for my ex it was a month (seeing as the guy she was cheating on me with grabbed her on the rebound), but for me it took two years, and afterwards I was very peturbed it took so much time and pain, but during that time I met a lot of awesome people, made a name/life for myself, and learned a lot about this effed up world. I've done/do a substantial share of boozing, partying,burning mattresses, and bar fights; but it's no remedy for a broken heart, in fact it's not much of a good idea because you don't want to associate pain with drinking and all that jazz. But before I ramble, and continue making grammatical and spelling errors, what I can tell you from personal experience is this: take some time just being happy flying solo, realize the importance of the other loves out there ( like for friends, family, puppys, etc.), remember how young you are and how that their was a special moment you had with whoever your ex is and just appreciate the experiences you had and remember the things you learned, and if you send me 3 monthly payments of $19.99 I can tell you more about this awesome time share in Cancun! But seriously know that you WILL be alright, pain is temporary and you're probably stronger and more awesome than you may give yourself credit for (atleast I am).
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Permalink Reply by Velour on
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Thanks for the tip about negative thought patterns as. It's so easy to blame the other person or think of yourself as the complete failure instead of having a balanced view of the whole thing. I've had to keep a close eye on that and thankfully I've had some great people keep me from leaning too much in one direction or the other =)
And about the positive things I miss. Well, I'm working on staying open. He was the right person at the wrong time so it's eh...difficult to see myself as happy as I was with him with another person....but we'll see.
LesYpersound said:also it's good to keep in mind that the person who you broke up with or broke up with you isn't the only person who will ever give you the positive things in the relationship that you miss (be aware of negative thought feedback loops ppl get caught up in and make up a mantra for yourself to say when that looping starts up and you know you dont want to go there).
i suppose you've got to be determined to get to a point where you let go of the baggage (symbolically ^^^ [as i mentioned above])--and the process of letting go involves grieving. so work on cooling down and plowing through those memories/emotions/etc so you can get to that point where you're ready and open to that new relationship where you can have the positives and be aware and stop any negative patterns you've noticed via past failed/try-out relationships. :]
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Permalink Reply by Velour on
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Oh I love this idea.
Closure.
I never got that. He left me saying he thought he was making a mistake because he still loved me. Of course, with those words I was left hoping.
But 2 weeks later he was dating another gal so I think it's time to be free of the weight of the failed relationship.
LesYpersound said:do something that symbolically lets you let go of the other person/relationship/depressing feelings.
and then go on w/ yer life.
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Permalink Reply by SirScribblez on
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I do take cabbage, plus it'll be another odd story to tell people as to why I'm walking around with cabbage
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Permalink Reply by LesYpersound on
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and probably smell funny... they'd probably know it was the cabbage, tho.
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Permalink Reply by SirScribblez on
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Very true (but little does she know about my time machine that runs on cabbaga mwahahahahahaha)
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Permalink Reply by Lelani on -
I personally am still trying to recover from heartbreak. I was involved with someone for almost six years and they say it takes half the amount of time you've been with someone to get over them. I'm finding this to be a bit true. It's been a very long process and I think I've gone through many different phases of the recovery. I've completed the 'collapse into myself' and the 'drink, drug, and party' phases. Those took almost a year, sad to admit. But luckily, I was able to gather my strength and put my focus into my friends and family who were there for me every step of the way. I think having a strong support group can get you through, don't be afraid to lean on them. I don't believe in jumping into another relationship, I have to take time to myself before I can open my heart to the next person. So now I'm pretty much focused on getting my inner self strong again, not letting the negative thoughts get the best of me. Focus on the things that make you happy and take time to love yourself again. Remember that there will be someone out there that will love you the way you need.
Lianne La Havas - Is Your Love...?
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