Is rejection the new romance?

A couple of months ago I saw the movie, 500 Days of Summer. From the previews it seems like a romantic comedy, but when you see it it's far from that. Mostly about the man character being rejected by Summer and not being able to process his emotions.

Last night I watched the movie Good Dick. When this film came out and interviews were done, the cast basically said it was about what the title said. But it's also far from that. The main character stalks a shut in woman and forces his way into her life. She doesn't want him, but he is obsessed with changing her.

Even with films like Medicine for Melancholy where the two leads are inimate but can't seem to get on the same page. We watch their dysfunction expecting the outcome to be happy. Not exactly.

So I see this trend in pulling away, and rejecting people. I assumed the writers were just writing about their experiences (as is made clear with 500 Days) but is the new 'He's just not that into you' the new norm?

Is romance passe' ? Or is it much more affirming to watch people struggling with rejection so we don't feel like such losers?

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Permalink Reply by lyfenlyn on June 7, 2010 at 8:07am

I think culturally that westerners are groomed to believe that physical attraction is what you build a relationship on. With no other foundation there is bound to be failure.

Im one of those dreadded people who didn't read the book but saw the movie. I saw this film in the theater when it came out, and then had to go back and watch it about every 5 years since. Unbareable Lightness is one of those complex films, I think emotionally truthful about how unexplainable attraction can be. That film to me depicted passion in its many forms.

LesYpersound said:

Eh to get you some insight into my weird little part of the world... I know I think two ppl, one who is a very, very close friend who is basically going to be in an arranged marriage and it's all practical and with the belief that love will soon follow. I don't doubt this, but it's fairly common w/ folks who are very religious (yes including christians)...

I think most folk have the idea of FALLING in love... like love at first sight and the working relationship coming naturally or something. Animal magnetism. Lust, desire, longing forever and ever, etc.

Maybe this trend you are picking out is just a round of bursting ppl's bubbles. Rejecting idealism...etc.

Except when it comes to love, I kind of like Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being... it has that completely irrational kind of love that "just happened" and neither one of them can explain when keeps them together--especially Tomas. It's a thinking person's insight into the love thing. Very cool book. It has a whole lot of rejection and confusion in it too. :] And his conception of love, at least for Tomas' wife is really about being ready to love and making it work--but w/ Tomas it's hard to judge... haha, it was just the right time, maybe? But Kundera and his characters never really accept the idea that it's fate or some b.s..

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Permalink Reply by CurvyDivaJC on June 7, 2010 at 12:18pm

It's smacking us back to reality. You grow up waiting for your "Prince/Princess Charming"...waiting to hear violins and see fireworks when you find the ONE. Some people never find the ONE or the ONE is not what they thought that person should or would be...there are no violins...no fireworks. I have to rent these movies now on my next slacker day!!

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Permalink Reply by Shawn Kemp on June 7, 2010 at 12:43pm

I never see a rejection romance that is actually real. You never see a guy just give up totally, and then thats the end of the story. Now thats real.

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Permalink Reply by LesYpersound on June 7, 2010 at 1:48pm

500 days of summer... the guy totally gives up.
but that movie isn't too realistic in a lot of other ways.

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Permalink Reply by lyfenlyn on June 7, 2010 at 2:14pm

Yeah if anything romances tell us guys keep trying. NO they don't. Only if they are stalkers.

Shawn Kemp said:

I never see a rejection romance that is actually real. You never see a guy just give up totally, and then thats the end of the story. Now thats real.

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Permalink Reply by Cindy on June 7, 2010 at 4:19pm

lolz yeah id definitely say its affirming. Especially in terms of 500 days of summer which i really liked. I can relate to that more than a movie like the notebook (and i liked the notebook). To me the notebook or titanic or runaway bride or most romantic comedies 27 dresses and the list is endless.. are more of exceptions. The movies you described above seem more realistic to me. I like romance and love songs reading about, the whole nine yards but i'm cynical about the whole affair. I don't think it really exists except for a small minority. Everybody else is just dysfunctional and we try to muddle our way through rejection, unrequited love, lust, all those other emotions in between, from the honey moon stage when everything is beautiful to the more realistic concept that being with another person isn't always running through the meadow realization, it takes work and its drama. The killer of any good thing is when people aren't on the same page and I think that 50 days of summer speaks to I understand that very well.

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Permalink Reply by Golem_3 on June 7, 2010 at 4:20pm

a lot of people in our generation (and younger) need to be careful not to get too cynical. Romance doesn't just happen.
You make romance.
Today, we have more options (lifestyle choices & such) with less patience, as opposed to what our grandparents had. Not to say that they never struggled with infedility, but when they romanced.... they really fuckin romanced.
I'm sure a lot of people will disagree, but so be it... there is NO such thing as "love at first sight".
What we think we see (at first) is just infatuation. Not love.
Love comes later on. Like, when I have to hold her hair while she's throwing up over the toilet.

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Permalink Reply by Cindy on June 7, 2010 at 4:33pm

lolz yeah thats gross but. i agree even when its not a pretty sight your there and you want to look out for and care for that person thats love. you cherish them faults and all and you both allow each other to be human beings not over idealized representations of how our popular culture tells us it should be.

Golem_3 said:

a lot of people in our generation (and younger) need to be careful not to get too cynical. Romance doesn't just happen.
You make romance.
Today, we have more options (lifestyle choices & such) with less patience, as opposed to what our grandparents had. Not to say that they never struggled with infedility, but when they romanced.... they really fuckin romanced.
I'm sure a lot of people will disagree, but so be it... there is NO such thing as "love at first sight".
What we think we see (at first) is just infatuation. Not love.
Love comes later on. Like, when I have to hold her hair while she's throwing up over the toilet.

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Permalink Reply by LesYpersound on June 7, 2010 at 4:43pm

srsly y'all need to pick up Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being. :)

i think Kundera's point is that our will is half free and most of our lives are made up of serendipitous scenes/moments/meetings and all of it in the end is meaningless. the more i think about it the badder ass this book seems. seriously that romantic, inexplicable kind of love isn't fate, it's timing and you can't will that stuff into being. i mean i remember pushing back on some of the stuff i read in bell hooks' All About Love... even if outwardly I was cynical about love at first sight or whatnot, I still didn't think that you can Will the kind of love to die for into being... and to me it seems to exist (be it at first sight or really blooming as the relationships hits its bumps and survives), but it definitely doesn't happen to everyone...
i guess my question lately has been should i force the issue? or just do me, get to that point where i'm somewhat ready for love via truly loving myself and being who i wish to be and see what happens.

Cindy, like you were saying--it's all about timing... but i don't think the problem w/ Tom and Summer was timing. Summer didn't feel the same way about Tom and Tom was in love with his idea of her.
I mean I'm sure loads of us have been confronted with a person who seems really nice, perfectly fine human beings who you wished you were attracted to but aren't and that's just that... don't settle. Summer didn't settle... good for her on that I suppose.

...and speaking of the cross parts of love--I'unno if it's true but I can imagine it being true--but those minor things even little annoying things that don't escape ur attention because it bugs you are the ones you'll miss in your everyday life. i can imagine that stuff being 10x true for a significant other because it was pretty true for when my aunt and grandma died.

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Permalink Reply by Rage_Proletaire on June 7, 2010 at 7:11pm

LesYpersound said:

srsly y'all need to pick up Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being. :)

I will! I will! :P

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Permalink Reply by JamadianUK on June 30, 2010 at 4:39pm

I happen to have 500 days of Summer as my movie of 2009.

Yes rejection is the new thing, and people love it. I belive it's why I love romcom more than science fiction, we need the drama and sense that not everything is going our way. No super heros in sight, just Tom or Olu and Cherry and Anabella getting on and off and walking different paths in the end.

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Permalink Reply by Drew on October 20, 2010 at 10:01pm

well, which would you prefer, that or the Sleepless in Seattle/ Boomerang routine over and over again. where the movie ends after a SINGLE fight and we're supposed to believe that everything goes along smooth as silk forever and forever. flicks like 500 Days of Summer, Annie Hall, Good Dick, etc bring a more real approach to the "romance" genre, which lets face it, is boring as hell. i watched Scott Pilgrim not too long ago, and decided that the movie would have been better without the excess "and they ended up together" crap. typical romance movies leave you with a lame feeling of "oh...they're happy...the end". failed or strange romance flicks where the couple doesn't always end up staying a couple, force you to look at two character'r growth (or lack there of) after the end credits start to roll.