why are you posting these topics in this sub-board--this sub-board is about the new msgboard/website?
but it's great that you have a friend like Kendrick and you've got your dreams. :]
I just have this restless energy all the time. I'm in school and I work and that seems to be it. I just feel like life is happening and I'm waiting for something to happen. As I'm waiting i'm not that enthusiastic about the things i do now. My job is for money so more or no less and even when i want to do fun thing i feel like its constantly cock blocking me. Responsibility and all that crap. Im not particularly fond of fueling the consumer machine that is retail. School is eh (im a commuter so I just pretty much go for classes then I leave) def not what i was expecting. I feel let down and I'm studying to be a social worker. But I just feel like a blip in the greater scheme of things the conditions and capacity for human suffering and just life's crap just seem to get me down / depress me most of the time. What's the point.. for the most part I just try to put one foot in front of the other I guess. On top of that I feel like i bitch too much, things could be worse at least I have a roof over my head, a job, and im able to attend school. Ugh well as a sidenote: Hold on to those dreams my dear Mr. Hughes spoke the gospel when he preached about a dream deferred. They give us purpose and light. My only dream is to truly find my niche in the world, be able to support myself, and that career in the future gives me wiggle room to work to live not to live to work. That Biggie and Tupac song is constantly circling in my mind "am i dying to live or am i just living to die.."
What I have realized with my restless as well as unmotivated thoughts especially looking to my past history is I felt I HAD to know right away what I wanted to do in anything in my life. I had to know why I was interested in someone and control that situation, as well as school and want career I could get into. Others in my life made it seem like it is easy to arrive at these things in life but it is not.
It takes patience and silence, writing down dreams and/or goals (short to large; because you can), being confused or stuck, listening to yourself and your intuition, knowing what works for you at the moment (not what someone else has told you) or not knowing, in control and not in control, and many more.
I had always noticed others especially celebrities I admire who knew exactly what they wanted to do as a career and they ENJOY what they do, I can see that. So I always would get frustrated at myself for not knowing exactly and being successful with what I wanted to do. However after frustrations, experiences, changes internally as well as externally, dealing with others, writing in my journal daily, etc I have learned life cannot be controlled. Life takes patience as well as actions, and deal with changes even if they are difficult or wonderful. Life is about experiences. I am still learning of life everyday but my explanation above is what I am acknowledging within my life.