Lovin Past Enemy Lines

There are some kids at my school that are teasing me because I like a boy who is not the same skin tone as me. He is one year older than me and we've been best friends for about three years... and I mean Bonnie and Clyde, dont do anything without each other, attached at the brain, best friends. He went to my school and when we were friends, no one confronted us. He has since graduated. So a couple days ago, he told me that he was in to me and I was like... cool! But I told some kids who I thought I could trust and they told EVERYONE. Now all the black kids( and there are not too many) are calling me a "traitor" and the white kids keeping telling me to "stay with my own kind"! Note that I only have like one friend at my school and people that have not talked to me in my life are now bullying me! Since he graduated last year so he doesnt get the verbal abuse but I still have a few more months to go until I graduate... Is it wrong to love him? Did I break some weird code of conduct ? What would you do if you were in my position? I guess racism is more alive than I thought... and its not just white people anymore!

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Permalink Reply by 3amConspiracy on January 31, 2009 at 10:02pm

If you're up for the dealing with the haters go for it. Don't let other people dictate who you like. I'm been out of HS almost 10 years, so from where I stand now I'm saying do what makes you happy. If they are bullying you and harassing you that tough though I think it's time you told some administrators at the school.

You haven't broken some code of conduct, your just dealing with small minded people. At this point what would not going after the guy you like. The people you go to school with have already made up their minds about you so do you. Sorry I don't have any advice other than that.

FYI racism was never just for white people. There are racist of all shades of the rainbow, but thats a diff post. GOOD LUCK THOUGH!!

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Permalink Reply by V on January 31, 2009 at 10:49pm

It isn't wrong to love him.

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this, but some people are just not open minded enough for what you're doing.

If I were you I'd just focus on my studies and getting out of high school. That's what I did in my senior year and I was one of the people who got into a better college. I know it hurts, but I know you can be strong enough to get through it all.

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Permalink Reply by Rosenda on February 1, 2009 at 1:06pm

Damn, some things don't change, do they?

I went through that a long time ago, and yeah it's painful, Colette.

But Colette, focus on what's important to you. Do you like him? Does he like you? Is he nice to you and do you two have fun together? If the answer is yes to all three, then enjoy yourselves. Even in the middle of putting up with other's people's shit and drama over you being together, have a good time in spite of them. People who make you happy and are good for you are a blessing in life, whether they are within your own ethnic group or not.

As for your question about some rule of conduct: whose rules are you going to follow? Your own, not somebody else's. Especially when it comes to your PERSONAL life.

Unfortunately, you two still being in a school environment means everything you do is paid attention to and commented on more often. That is what makes it HARD for you, to have some kids calling your names and putting you down for the fact you are close with a boy who is different from your group. Until you graduate, you will have to deal with people "all up in your koolaid and don't know the flavor", so to speak. Just keep on with your studies and graduate and move forward. All those people will not bother you so much. Hang in there!

You say people who don't normally even talk to you are getting all up in your business about it? Fuck them. Do not waste ANY of your personal energy and time and thoughts on their commentary, Colette. I know it's hard to deal with that kind of thing, it's happened to me at different times in my life (whether it was the guy I dated or friends I was hanging out with socially).

Love is never wrong if it's good relationship with both of you. And the only role of conduct you need to follow is what works for you and your life. When bad shit like this happens in life, that is the time you know who your true friends are who respect you as you are and your choices: be thankful for the good people cause it balances out all the crappy people you have to deal with.

Racism is among all groups of people. But you cannot let other's biased feelings rule your own life. You do have to learn how to deal with it, in such a way that you don't base any of your important life decisions on that, and that you make yourself stay FOCUS on what is most important and right and good for YOU.

It is easy to get distracted by other people putting you down for something they don't agree with. But keep your mind and heart where it needs to be......with you and those who are good to you. Peace and good luck.