... the other Black experience
MEN.. NO BLACK MEN LOLOL
Okay well we all know for a fact that men have egos.. and really big ones depending on the man.. now when it comes to african american men.. idk what it is but there egos cant be duplicated to any other nationality. but my rumbling is all for a reason.. i am currently dating this dude right.. and he is a few years older than me.. now i constantly feel like i am not doing enough or i always feel guilty for not doing enough.. Its mainly because he has constantly been telling me that im not doing enough.. which doesnt make any sense to me , because i am trying my hardest to be the best woman that i can be. Which also doesnt make sense because if he introduced me to any of his friends i would be victoria.. and not his woman. which doesnt make any sense to me.. but like the usual me could just leave him alone, if hes not acting right.. but with him... he would tell me the most off the wall thing or do something crazy to me.. and i would just except it and keep going with the relationship.. and i dont think that its healthy at all.. but im scared to leave him alone.. and im kinda in this puzzle of confusion.. idk what im going to do about this..
Tags: answer, black, confusion, ligons, like, love, men, relationships, victoria
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by EclecticEssence on -
egos are horrible, regardless of the color of the man....
is the relationship really worth the trouble? If he is coming at you as if he is doing you a favor by "being your man", then that is a big problem.
If you are accepting his various behaviors that you are not cool with, then that is just giving him the okay to keep on treating as he is.
Relationships should be mutual, both people should be benefiting from the companionship. Relationships are never perfect, we all know that, but you are going to have to make the conscious decision regarding if those imperfections are worth your troubles.
Think about your own self worth, what you deserve and what you do not deserve. That should be a helpful point for analsysis.
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Permalink Reply by Sigh Sidhe on -
that sends a bunch of red flags flying in my head..
if he's talking to you like that now, trust that he will be talking the same way for as long as you're together..
and i know what its like to be with one of those kinda guys.. and you're most likely better off without him..
*this is gna sound kinda fucked up*
but if you're saying the two of you are dating, but he never introduces you as his girlfriend/woman/significant other.. he's basically saying you're just some girl..
which is a shame because you seem really quite awesome!
so yea.. keep being awesome and let him be someone else's problem..
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Permalink Reply by Velour on -
You're effin HOT!
Leave this dude!
He's probably scared that you'll leave him seeing how great are you are. He's making you feel like you're not enough so you won't realize it yourself. DIS NIGGA knows how good he has it and he sounds like he's scared to lose it and thus he's going about this all wrong. If you weren't enough for him he'd leave you but he hasn't...hm hm hm
In fact, it's probably an ego boost seeing this already beautiful woman trying to be even more for him, which is low.
We could all go on and on about this, but if you're here worrying about this then the balance a good relationship should have is gone...
He is replacable...you can find scared boyfriends around every corner, but that's not what you want.
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Permalink Reply by Compound Egret on -
I'm definitely not an expert on love, but it's not good for you. He's chipping away at your self esteem little by little. Probably on purpose. The other posters brought it up, but if there were so many things that were really wrong with you, why is his supposedly perfect self still with you?
Beyond that, men of all races do this. I think it's called "negging".
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Permalink Reply by Obsidian on -
Wow. Everyone is an individual. Just cause a Black guy is an asshole doesn't make all Black guys assholes. Dump him and move on if he makes you so unhappy you start "racially stereotyping" with your thoughts toward men. I have no sympathy in this corner, just a very big frown. Obviously he is psychologically abusive on some levels. Go to a local Women's Resource Centre and get some help to jolt you out of your current reality.
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Permalink Reply by victoria diane ligons on -
OH WELL THANKS EVERYONE FOR RESPONDING BACK.. yeah i completly understand.. i dont know why i am still tripping on it.. im not scared .. i just want this to work.. you know... its like a puzzle that you are trying to finish, but you lost the last piece.. and thats mainly it.. oh AND BTW SORRY IF IT SEEMED LIKE I WAS BEING STEREOTYPICAL.. didnt mean too.. i just know alot of black men who have big egos.. lolol.. but umm your absolutely right, all black men are not like that.. and i dont believe that all of them are like that.. i think men are all different. but alike loll (if that only made sence lmao) but you know what... it all depends on where you live... like AZ .,.. we dont get alot of real people out here unless they move out here.. but oooh thanks VELOUR.. =) YOUR SOOO SWEET... that was really nice.. but again THANK YOU..=)
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Permalink Reply by Fashionfreak on -
you're pretty <3
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Permalink Reply by victoria diane ligons on
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awwwz thank you.. your so sweet
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Permalink Reply by Brandon on -
He is playing mind games, or he is just a really inconsiderate person. Dump him. Get someone else.
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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on -
"Okay well we all know for a fact that men have egos.. and really big ones depending on the man.. now when it comes to african american men.. idk what it is but there egos cant be duplicated to any other nationality."
It's that whole "black stud" depiction of the prized/perfect male lover that has been around since the 1920s (think pimps).
"Its mainly because he has constantly been telling me that im not doing enough.. which doesnt make any sense to me , because i am trying my hardest to be the best woman that i can be. Which also doesnt make sense because if he introduced me to any of his friends i would be victoria.. and not his woman."
I wouldn't like that, either. That sounds "funny". Not as in "funny haha" but as in "someone's playing games".
"he would tell me the most off the wall thing or do something crazy to me.. and i would just except it and keep going with the relationship.. and i dont think that its healthy at all."
You know it's not healthy and that's all you need to know. What exactly are you scared of? That there'll be no more men after him? You have your whole life ahead of you and you shouldn't waste one second on a guy who can't even introduce you as his girl but then tells you you're not doing enough.
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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on
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victoria diane ligons said:OH WELL THANKS EVERYONE FOR RESPONDING BACK.. yeah i completly understand.. i dont know why i am still tripping on it.. im not scared .. i just want this to work.. you know... its like a puzzle that you are trying to finish, but you lost the last piece.. and thats mainly it.. oh AND BTW SORRY IF IT SEEMED LIKE I WAS BEING STEREOTYPICAL.. didnt mean too.. i just know alot of black men who have big egos.. lolol.. but umm your absolutely right, all black men are not like that.. and i dont believe that all of them are like that.. i think men are all different. but alike loll (if that only made sence lmao) but you know what... it all depends on where you live... like AZ .,.. we dont get alot of real people out here unless they move out here.. but oooh thanks VELOUR.. =) YOUR SOOO SWEET... that was really nice.. but again THANK YOU..=)
I know the cycle of abuse is hard to stop but why would you "want this to work"? You're pretty and could probably get dudes tripping all over themselves. I think he knows that which is one reason he's fucking with your head. You're questioning leaving him like you can't do any better and that's exactly what he wants! Show him.
Lianne La Havas - Is Your Love...?
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