DSC_8885%2072 2
... the other Black experience
On Trial by Hair
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by LesYpersound on -
i'm pretty sure this topic is buried in this board a few pages back. BUT yes i think ppl still judge others based on physical appearance. ...but i'm at the point where i don't really give a shit, but then again i don't want nor do i plan to work in a corporate atmosphere where my hair will be policed by my employers.
when it comes to grooming, i do it for myself not for others--so if ppl are bothered by it, whatever. luckily my family, at least the members of my family that i give a shit about, don't give me grief about wearing my hair naturally. my grandmother when she was alive lamented once or twice about how much nicer my hair was when it was blown out, but that's fine if she thought that b/c its her opinion but i continued and will continue to do me and she continued to love me. :]
...and the family members i care less about who degrade my hair style, my vegetarianism, and my politics--that's them, i can't change that, i can only tell them that there's nothing they can say that will change me and obviously no amt of reason or eloquence can cure their ignorance so just get over it and let's talk about other things that matter--OR i rib them in return for their "failings". whatever...it's family...can't change them--and my family isn't dangerous or abusive, so that amt of quirky-ness i can handle because i don't let it get to me and it's not in my face all of the time.
re: relationships/dating--guys or gals who don't like natural hair aren't the only ppl in the world and if they're so ignorant as to have these assumptions about me based on my hair they're not people i want to date let alone be friends with. the same definitely goes for people who praise my hair for being "good" or my ethnic/racial make up--this shit is incidental, i'm not responsible for how the hair grows out of my head or that my parents got together--and ppls' immature and ignorant reaction towards these things pushes them out of consideration for friendship let alone an intimate relationship.
...lol...did i cover everything? :P
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Permalink Reply by Fashionfreak on -
yup. i have an ever growing fro and it comes with a lot of assumptions...many of which people have assumed about me and admitted so:
1. i am some sort of aggressive black panther type chick
2. i can't afford to get a relaxer (WTF???)
3. i am gay
it's really freaking annoying but hey whatever. thankfully everyone in my immediate family all have natural hair and appreciate how we were born. i expect ignorance from high school kids but from grown folk it is ridiculous. yes, i do think you are judged by your hair. i can't count on my fingers how many times friends who meet my sisters (who happen to have really long curly/wavy hair) go 'damnnn they have some good hair, hell happened to you?' on top of that, i do believe it is harder for me to date guys because of my hair. majority of them do not like it AT ALL point blank! i am going to go further and say i think it's one of the reasons i am currently single -_-.
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Permalink Reply by Virgil Spight on -
I am going to assume that the WE that you mentioned is in regards to black people. I will expand on this to include "all" people. Of course we judge each other according to physical appearance. If it is in regards to hair first I don't do it myself but I do believe that a significant majority of people do. Now as far as black people. Everyone on this site knows that WE judge each other according to our hair. I think that hair is only one of several physical traits that WE key in on. I will say this about hair in the black community. It seems to be the great equalizer. I think that hair if your hair is "right", so to speak, you will be given a pass for other shortcomings. I understood this at a young age and have always used it to my advantage. I think that if people want to say, at least to themselves, that hair isn't really important then they are really kidding themselves. It is important to black men and it seems to be even more important to black women. The proof is everywhere. It is not difficult to research just how much money is spent annually on hair care products and styling in the black community. It is most likely a significant amount of money and is most probably disproportionate to the wealth of the entire black community. Finally, I would say in response to a previous post that I do not have preconceived notions about anyone but when I see black women with short or long afro's that certain questions do come to mind concerning just what type of persons they are. People are not defined by their hair but hair is an expression of the internal personality of people even more than clothing. In the current environment it takes a certain amount of courage to step outside of the norm in choice of hairstyle. Now that I think about it, I haven't even really seen that many black men with afro's either.
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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on -
I get asked "why don't you perm your hair?" A LOT. And "you'd look better if it wasn't nappy" Because i live in the south.
I don't really care because my hair is as healthy, thick and long as it's been since I was a perm-free toddler. I don't have bald spots and I will probably have hair when i get older. But they'd rather have all this instead of seeing nappy hair in the mirror. That's them. That's their hangup. Can't change but I correct if they bring ignorance to me.
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Permalink Reply by Rosenda on -
Mlle I live in LA and people say that shit out here too. It's a common theme. There are prejudgements and opinions based on whether we straighten our hair or wear it natural. Sometimes extreme judgements that are all kinds of wrong about the individual being looked at. Whatever, I live for those moments when some sister almost whisperingly and apologetically on the bus or on the street (like she's ashamed to admit she LIKES my natural nappy hair all picked out) says to me "I LIKE your hair. It's BEAUTIFUL."
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Permalink Reply by the outsider on
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My mother is exactly the same way about my hair...she constantly asks me when I'm going to get my hair permed which really annoys me because it's my hair. I currently wear it in a weave right now and I find that it works for me because it's easier to manage. At the end of the day, it's only hair.
Mlle d. Sade said:I get asked "why don't you perm your hair?" A LOT. And "you'd look better if it wasn't nappy" Because i live in the south.
I don't really care because my hair is as healthy, thick and long as it's been since I was a perm-free toddler. I don't have bald spots and I will probably have hair when i get older. But they'd rather have all this instead of seeing nappy hair in the mirror. That's them. That's their hangup. Can't change but I correct if they bring ignorance to me.
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Permalink Reply by lyfenlyn on -
(gasps) what happened to you????? OMG! See how we do?
Fashionfreak said:yup. i have an ever growing fro and it comes with a lot of assumptions...many of which people have assumed about me and admitted so:
1. i am some sort of aggressive black panther type chick
2. i can't afford to get a relaxer (WTF???)
3. i am gay
it's really freaking annoying but hey whatever. thankfully everyone in my immediate family all have natural hair and appreciate how we were born. i expect ignorance from high school kids but from grown folk it is ridiculous. yes, i do think you are judged by your hair. i can't count on my fingers how many times friends who meet my sisters (who happen to have really long curly/wavy hair) go 'damnnn they have some good hair, hell happened to you?' on top of that, i do believe it is harder for me to date guys because of my hair. majority of them do not like it AT ALL point blank! i am going to go further and say i think it's one of the reasons i am currently single -_-.
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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on
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Yeah, everyone wants me to "fix" it, almost as if it's more black female community property.
the outsider said:My mother is exactly the same way about my hair...she constantly asks me when I'm going to get my hair permed which really annoys me because it's my hair. I currently wear it in a weave right now and I find that it works for me because it's easier to manage. At the end of the day, it's only hair.
Mlle d. Sade said:I get asked "why don't you perm your hair?" A LOT. And "you'd look better if it wasn't nappy" Because i live in the south.
I don't really care because my hair is as healthy, thick and long as it's been since I was a perm-free toddler. I don't have bald spots and I will probably have hair when i get older. But they'd rather have all this instead of seeing nappy hair in the mirror. That's them. That's their hangup. Can't change but I correct if they bring ignorance to me.
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Permalink Reply by Sekou on -
its always sad to see an older Black woman with a scarf on her head, hiding her blotchy, picked scalp...due to years of chemical treatment/hotcombing.
:(
honestly...does straight hair FEEL better?
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Permalink Reply by lyfenlyn on
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It IS community property.
Madamoiselle De Sade said:Yeah, everyone wants me to "fix" it, almost as if it's more black female community property.
the outsider said:My mother is exactly the same way about my hair...she constantly asks me when I'm going to get my hair permed which really annoys me because it's my hair. I currently wear it in a weave right now and I find that it works for me because it's easier to manage. At the end of the day, it's only hair.
Mlle d. Sade said:I get asked "why don't you perm your hair?" A LOT. And "you'd look better if it wasn't nappy" Because i live in the south.
I don't really care because my hair is as healthy, thick and long as it's been since I was a perm-free toddler. I don't have bald spots and I will probably have hair when i get older. But they'd rather have all this instead of seeing nappy hair in the mirror. That's them. That's their hangup. Can't change but I correct if they bring ignorance to me.
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Permalink Reply by LesYpersound on
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not srsly, right?
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