Baby Baby - Haters
... the other Black experience
Single Black Educated Women: Are you waiting in vain?
Saw this article and thought of the many great AP discussions around this topic.
Women: Are you waiting in vain?
Men: Are we holding 'our' women back?
Waiting in vain?
Irony aside I would welcome your views.
Black men dating white women in the UK has long ceased to be unusual. But the reverse doesn't happen too often. Apart from the death of the black meme is there any good reason why a black women shouldn't date inter-racially?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Rage_Proletaire on -
"Apart from the death of the black meme is there any good reason why a black women shouldn't date inter-racially?"
Nope.
I'm unsure of what you mean by "the death of the black meme", though...
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Permalink Reply by Obsidian on -
I read the article.
Hmmm ... I really do not know what to say as it does not apply to me. It specifically aims at a subset of black females I suppose in their mid 30's and up or of a specific background. Perhaps it's more of a US thing. I always feel that the definition of a "good man" is flawed. Even of the "perfect marriageable woman". As a consequence many people wait in vain, or couple with the wrong sort of person because of this notion. All of a sudden, changing the skin color suddenly lifts the curtain of narrow mindedness and the definition of "good" or "bad" gets broad enough to find someone that will make you happy.
Case: My boss is black and his wife, my other boss, she's white of strong Italian heritage. He revealed to me, I suppose because I'm not judgmental about such things, that he was fed up with black women after what he went through with his ex wife and other black women as they only became interested in him when he had money, and thus married his former high school and college companion. Was I angry? Mad? Hurt? You know, since I'm a black female. *shrug* Not really. We all have our excuses to love, and he is so obviously in love. I just answered him logically and told him perhaps he was just going after the wrong sort of woman and only became open to a different (the right) sort when the skin color changed - the sort who could be a friend and business partner. Perhaps he forced himself to go for black women (or the money digging variety )instead of the right woman, who just happened to be his white friend from high school. And now he appears happy, if hugely flawed in reasoning. I had fun seriously poking at him about how he will raise his black daughter from his first relationship and his mixed daughter now to grow up and not become "one of those black women he gave up on" as it is claerly an issue he needs to get over (which he probably never will).
It is only human to categorize. It is not fair when Black women get the heat for being "terrible" when really it is just men being unwilling to try a different sort of women. The same token, there are lots of good black men out there (I find so many it is ridiculous and I look at articles like this with so much awe - dudes are like grains of sand on a beach), they just may not be of the "good man" stereotype. There are lots of good men out there in general. Categorizing based on the "good man" stereotype will just end in disappointment and, well, whatever the hell some women are going through right now - alienating the right sort of guy from your life. Just go for the individuals (the more far out, the better).
And ignore the evil drunk bum guys in your life with the poopoo single loc growing out the back his head who strolls into your job and curses that you like white boys cause you don't give his stank ass any attention. Yuck.
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Permalink Reply by LesYpersound on -
aye....what is the black meme?
I'm tired of this topic.... :( is being overly concerned about it a problem in itself? i think yes... as whoopi goldberg is quoted in that Post article--ppl date who they're around.
hardwired aren't you british? so, this is a problem over there too? :/
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Permalink Reply by Q.A.Bradford on -
A lot of non-black people date all over the place and in the end marrying within the same ethnic group.
And even if someone does, just make sure that you involve your partner and his family into as many black cultural institutions as possible. send the kids to HBCUs, make your church or place of worship one that's in a black community, etc. The problem is not so much race as it is culture and values.
A lot of time for African culturalists, we get reamed if we date outside our race when our priority was the Afircan cultural institution--which supports all black people. Its like supporting soil enrichment of the garden and not just two or three plants.
And then if you're a complete racialist, many times you'll settle for any or only a specific type of Black person and in the end you get the worst candidate or no one at all--lest you're lucky or very practical. Cause you're at the produce table knocking on melons to see which one is just right.
When people focus less on saying "I'm Black" and focus more on the "I'm an African" part, the world will open up and be a kinder more multilingual, multicultural, multiracial place instead of the crusty ol' box that you continue to let some people keep you in.
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Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on -
I feel educated (or just a certain kind of "smart" in general) women of any race are all waiting in vain, sorta. Ever heard the phrase "smart girls don't get married?". Call me cynical but I feel it's true.
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Permalink Reply by kifaru on -
I think this article is hitting on nothing new. I will say this though any black woman who think she's going to find love in the arms of a person of different race because they are of a different race is fooling themselves. Likewise she needs to understand that if she wants to look at it as a market situation like the article put it she is in competiton with a lot of women that may be willing to do a lot more than she says she is willing to do for a brother. It seems like it to me when I see interracial couples that make it that they are willing to go the extra mile to make it work. This also seems to be the reason why I see mono-racial couples make it.
This article focuses on well educated black women and quotes that 3 to 1 ration of educated black women to men. Well you know what? White women are getting higher education at rates higher than white men too. The problem is not a black female problem it's an educated women problem.
I will say something that a lot of women seem to be oblivious to. Looks count. Standards count. Just like I think a lot of black women price themselves out of the market for black men they are not going to meet the standards of a guy of any race if they are not pretty enough. You can delude yourself if you want but people in general are going to go for the best deal and looks are part of the deal. Your PhD does not count worth a shit if you are fat and unattractive and you want to date a man who has got one too and he has enough wealth to attract good looking women. Most men have absolutely no problem with dating a woman with less education or who is making much less money if she is attractive. Women for some reason do. The thing is they think that their money and education is enough to get an attractive man. Those rules apply for men at this point but right now not for women.
I meet educated women of all races all the time and the ones who complain about not being able to find a date are always the least attractive. A man who's making $100,000 a year is generally not going for slightly overweight Keely or Jan even if Keely and Jan are supersmart and making just as much money or more than him if he can attract Milly who has a hot body and is willing to work and is not dumb. Not only that Jan and Keely's stock are lower because Mr 100G a year knows that he can have sex with Keely or Jan without making a committment. Yeah he'll "date" Jan and Keely but that ain't who he's looking to marry. Jan and Keely are going to have to have a shit load more on their resume if want to get Mr 100G. We haven't even got to the point where we talk about keeping him around yet.
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Permalink Reply by Compound Egret on -
Date who you want, but be realistic. Sometimes people have this shopping list of qualities that their mate MUST have, but don't really consider what they can offer that person if they were to meet. I would sound stupid demanding someone that's well traveled if I've only been to Arkansas and Disneyland.
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Permalink Reply by Tiffany on -
Life goes on, and we all eventually succumb to old age and later death. It's sad to think of women putting their lives and happiness on hold, waiting for something that will never come. Nobody is going to wake up and magically see the beauty, and amazing qualities these women have to offer, that have been denied for so long. If it hasn't happened yet, obviously there's a flaw in their reasoning. I find people who lead busy, and productive lives don't spend nearly as much times worrying over these issues. They especially don't wait around for the kind of treatment they believe they deserve, from those who remain less then concerned.
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