... the other Black experience
Taking A Break later posts by me, my progress.
(12-20-08)I just corrected a line I didn't realized that I left words of of.
My family advised me not to go to his party or talk to him regularly IE daily (he usually immed me) b/c what he said hurt my feelings. He did apologize, but he missed the window of opportunity to where it could have looked sincere. I did apologize, but that's when he felt it was best to take a break. His lost. :P
I do care if he doesn't come back, but I'll get over it. He seems ok with not having me around. But I dunno. I assume that he's angry that I'm not ruining my life just to have him like the other girls he's dated.
That and he's angry b/c I hurt his ego with the situation he could have averted by not putting his foot in his mouth.
I think that might change all these posts....
I'm currently dating someone right now. Everything was fine even after we ended up seeing each other every week.
When I was trying to set up a day where he could meet my friends (I was leading to that revelation), he said that he had some worries that I might becoming too attached to him too early.
Now flash forward to Sunday. His birthday party. I didn't show up b/c even after he corrected himself that we should take things slow (he really hurt my feelings), I was advised not to show up by my family. It sent him some signals however. I'm not sure what kind of signals.
I told him why I haven't seen him on that day nor talked to him lately. I was basically giving him his space that he wanted.
He then said that what my family suggested wasn't a bad thing and to give it time.
He voiced that he needed a break from our relationship.
Now when you say 'I need a break'. Does that mean you want to break up with the person or does it really mean, "I need some breathing space?"
I'm just curious on the different perspectives on this matter.
I've been in a 'I need a break' sort of thing before so I know how to handle it. I'll let him be. I just dunno if my current emotion is the best one for this situation.
My family advised me not to go to his party or talk to him regularly IE daily (he usually immed me) b/c what he said hurt my feelings. He did apologize, but he missed the window of opportunity to where it could have looked sincere. I did apologize, but that's when he felt it was best to take a break. His lost. :P
I do care if he doesn't come back, but I'll get over it. He seems ok with not having me around. But I dunno. I assume that he's angry that I'm not ruining my life just to have him like the other girls he's dated.
That and he's angry b/c I hurt his ego with the situation he could have averted by not putting his foot in his mouth.
I think that might change all these posts....
I'm currently dating someone right now. Everything was fine even after we ended up seeing each other every week.
When I was trying to set up a day where he could meet my friends (I was leading to that revelation), he said that he had some worries that I might becoming too attached to him too early.
Now flash forward to Sunday. His birthday party. I didn't show up b/c even after he corrected himself that we should take things slow (he really hurt my feelings), I was advised not to show up by my family. It sent him some signals however. I'm not sure what kind of signals.
I told him why I haven't seen him on that day nor talked to him lately. I was basically giving him his space that he wanted.
He then said that what my family suggested wasn't a bad thing and to give it time.
He voiced that he needed a break from our relationship.
Now when you say 'I need a break'. Does that mean you want to break up with the person or does it really mean, "I need some breathing space?"
I'm just curious on the different perspectives on this matter.
I've been in a 'I need a break' sort of thing before so I know how to handle it. I'll let him be. I just dunno if my current emotion is the best one for this situation.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by lyfenlyn on -
*sigh* (no diss intended)
Does someone have to shake you to wake you up? I know it's harsh sounding, but let me preface it with ---in my 20's I wasted YEARS waiting for some dude to wake up and realize how wonderful I was. It never happened. Mostly because young men are really selfish animals.
Naturally I wonder if you telling him why you haven't seen him or talked to him lately involved YOU making the call/ contact. Cause if he doesn't call---DONT CALL HIM!
Now with that said, MOVE ON! Pining away for this wishy washy dude isn't going to change things. Just a note: I need space is code for 'I'm really not that into you, and I want you to back off, but...when I get bored/ horny I want you to come running.'
Ask yourself. Is this who you want to be? If so, that's on you!
You deserve better. YOU CAN HAVE BETTER!
Check this site out www.manmistakeeraser.com
sign up for the newsletter. It can offer you some helpful insights on certian behaviors and how to deal with them effectively so you don't continue getting your heart jerked out of your chest.
Good luck sis.
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Permalink Reply by Obsidian on -
Yea, just don't bother with him and go seek the "anti him" - another p-erson who makes you feel happier than you were with him. You'll see the grass is greener and it's better than the yard you were in before. His asking for space is a godsend in that you can seek the comforts of someone else without anymore of his bullshit. Basically, wheneer I tell someone I want space it means I want to be friends but really I'm done with this whole making a relationship with you thing, for now anyway.
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Permalink Reply by MER on -
I see. Thanks guys. I borrowed some books from the library to help me out in my matter. I'll read the newsletter, but only the free stuff. I unfortunately don't have the money to read all of that.
Wow, I guess I was super bad at being HIS gf O_o I'm being sarcastic. Anyway, forget him. I'll manage. On to the next guy and all that rot.
But till then, I think I need some serious overhaul b/c I'm sick and tired of getting dumped. I need to find out what happened why I all of a sudden I turned into the victim.
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Permalink Reply by LesYpersound on -
yea i agree w/ moving on and keeping your options open. i've seen friends strung along by stupid men who don't know what they want and it's a huge waste of time and energy (anxiety).
and don't go too neurotic w/ laying the blame squarely on yerself, maybe a part of it has to do w/ the men you're choosing?
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Permalink Reply by MER on
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Yea, I'm going to evaluate what men I keep attracting and why. My sister mentioned that we were both on a rebound and somehow crossed paths. But all in all, in some way I felt restricted to be able to do things with him. I'm not going to name them, but in a way it's part of what I enjoy. I'm sure he'll find love like I will, just not with each other apparently.
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Permalink Reply by lyfenlyn on
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MER said:I see. Thanks guys. I borrowed some books from the library to help me out in my matter. I'll read the newsletter, but only the free stuff. I unfortunately don't have the money to read all of that.
Wow, I guess I was super bad at being HIS gf O_o I'm being sarcastic. Anyway, forget him. I'll manage. On to the next guy and all that rot.
But till then, I think I need some serious overhaul b/c I'm sick and tired of getting dumped. I need to find out what happened why I all of a sudden I turned into the victim.
I only get the free stuff and it's quite helpful.
You are going to come out just fine.
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Permalink Reply by MER on
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I will.
I'm just shocked that this sort of thing happened to me for a 2nd time. I really lost my bite after the 2nd guy.
lyfenlyn said:MER said:I see. Thanks guys. I borrowed some books from the library to help me out in my matter. I'll read the newsletter, but only the free stuff. I unfortunately don't have the money to read all of that.
Wow, I guess I was super bad at being HIS gf O_o I'm being sarcastic. Anyway, forget him. I'll manage. On to the next guy and all that rot.
But till then, I think I need some serious overhaul b/c I'm sick and tired of getting dumped. I need to find out what happened why I all of a sudden I turned into the victim.
I only get the free stuff and it's quite helpful.
You are going to come out just fine.
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Permalink Reply by MER on
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Thanks guys for your support. My family has also been there for me, giving me support. On Wednesday, I grieved, on Thursday, I picked myself up and continued with my life.
I'm gladly to the point where I couldn't care less if he came back or not. I'm going to enjoy my merry go round of life. B/c the carnival guy isn't going to stop it just for me.
I'm actually ok with being alone now. It took a while to adjust it, but I'll continue to hold my head high and make sure others don't try to walk all over me.
If they do, I'll be sure to put them in their place.
I'm to that point and I'm feeling great :)
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Permalink Reply by MER on
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O-o I just received a comment from him about my status.
My Status, "Melissa got out of work at 1 pm due to no work for her, but still get paid for 7 hours! WooHOO!"
His reply, "ya, you paid for those hours....with your taxes".
Sounds like an insult, doesn't it?
Yes/No?
But either way Yes/No, it's not going to pop my happy balloon (not even anyone else). And if I ever get sad or unhappy, I go in my little hole to be alone with my terrible thoughts, and later with motivational thoughts, then I'm happy again. Hence if I'm in a situation, I get sad or upset for a while then I become happy again. That's just how I've always have been.
So people of the world, if you're trying to start something with me, it's going to do nothing more than raise your heart pressure b/c I'm not going to get angry b/c you said something negative.
As my mom would say about the negative comments I receive every now and again, "Ahh They're just being jealous."
Maybe my fault for sharing things with others, but I know when and when not to share them. If I'm happy about something, I'm going to boast about it to the world b/c I'm happy. If you get jealous, get over it, b/c I can get jealous to you about something. But I won't take it out on you :P
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Permalink Reply by Compound Egret on -
I think a larger red flag that seemed to be glossed over was your man "advising" you not to go to his birthday party. Ouch.
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Permalink Reply by MER on
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Actually, my family advised me not to go b/c he hurt my feelings. He wanted me to go. I'll make that clear in my first post.
Compound Egret said:I think a larger red flag that seemed to be glossed over was your man "advising" you not to go to his birthday party. Ouch.
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Permalink Reply by MER on
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Yea I would say #2 and since he's the typical guy, a little of #1.
The problem is.
1.I'm a very affectionate person. I just heart people, it's in my make up.
He's probably confusing affectionate with being 'attached'.
2. Not saying "no" every so often.
I don't have anything that might keep me away from doing stuff with others. I don't have a set schedule for things. IE If I were to declare Laundry to be ALWAYS done on Saturday.
He's confusing 'not saying no' with me with being eager to see him.
I only urged to see him 'ONCE". So I asked him out. Other times it was him who wanted to see me.
Indeed stepping back seems to be a good plan. So far, nothing besides that comment I mentioned that he said to me happened.
I also noticed that although I'm still friends with him, I've been taken off from his status updates from Facebook.
I'm doing the same with him. I guess he moved on and never heart me either*shrug*.
So, you know, I feel like doing an experiment.What happens when he doesn't see my status reports?
Let's find out.
Dwayne said:I've read many of your posts about this dude. I see two possible things happening
1.He only wants you around when he feels like it.
OR
2. You may be giving him more attention than he would prefer (to put it nicely)
I think that you should step back and think what you are doing and how he is reacting to it.
Lianne La Havas - Is Your Love...?
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