... the other Black experience
That dirty word D A T E.
Naturally I can't help but think these men are scum, either they are A.) already in a relationship and want to cheat and not get caught in public doing so, B.) only interested in booty calls, but don't come right out and say it. or C.) men who are convinced they are too good to 'pay for sex' or D.) broke asses that have resigned themselves to getting as much sex as they can because no woman would ever be with someone so broke.
I have to not internalize this as a female as I understand I am a decent and highly desireable on many levels. However--that doesn't change this ugly trend.
Anyone else experiencing this?
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Compound Egret on -
Spookycreep said:
What does your question have to do with anything I said?
Compound Egret said:Spooky,
How does the "man is a disease" rap work out in dating and relationship situations??? If I was sitting across the table and a woman started up with that, I would really think she had a negative outlook and/or low self esteem. The world can be an ugly place, but I would rather be with someone who can see the beauty in things, even if you are watching ants marching orderly through a dead bird.
The thread's about dating. I'm asking how that attitude goes over in the dating process.
Something else that would occur to me if I heard that would be that this person is going to betray me somehow and then fall back on human nature as an excuse. Something like " I told you we were all bad at the beginning! What did you expect?"
-
Permalink Reply by DeAndre Woods on -
love is good......but wats wrong with jus getting a nut and going on with your life if the sex is good most people will stay i believe and you have to prove your worthy of the romance not jus be there there is always another female we are all jus one of many you have to prove your one of a kind a special to get that instead of just expecting something and if your not gettin the romance you want YOU''RE prolly the one doing something wrong or your pickin the wrong guys cause ive seen men go overboard for there women
-
Permalink Reply by Spookycreep on
-
In the first place, it's not an attitude and secondly, It's not something I'd just "bring up" for no reason but the times that it has come up led to no tramas. It's not like I'm dating men. Why would a woman feel offended by being told that they once ruled the world? And quite the country on your thought that a person saying things like this would use it as an excuse for shabby behavior_ such a person would be a con artist to begin with and would only be demonstrating that his "beliefs" are just a ploy to get what he wants out of women. That ain't me.
I think Lucifer is female. I'm not in the habit of betraying my Goddess. And I wouldn't betray any human one's I was interested in either. Such goddess are hard to find.
I wouldn't use the "I;m a dog so what do you expect" excuse because I know it would be bulllshit. Truth works pretty good in most situations. I'm not one to play games or to like being played with. Say what you mean, mean what you say_ not much to that.
Compound Egret said:
Spooky Creepy said:
What does your question have to do with anything I said?
Compound Egret said:Spooky,
How does the "man is a disease" rap work out in dating and relationship situations??? If I was sitting across the table and a woman started up with that, I would really think she had a negative outlook and/or low self esteem. The world can be an ugly place, but I would rather be with someone who can see the beauty in things, even if you are watching ants marching orderly through a dead bird.
The thread's about dating. I'm asking how that attitude goes over in the dating process.
Something else that would occur to me if I heard that would be that this person is going to betray me somehow and then fall back on human nature as an excuse. Something like " I told you we were all bad at the beginning! What did you expect?"
-
-
There is nothing in the world wrong with causual sex if that's what you want. The point is not all men or women are interested in this. I guess it all boils down to what ever floats your particular boat, some like crusie ships, some like boats built only for two. No reason both types can't have what they want.
(glad you liked the vids. currently working on one featuring black alternative males.)
DeAndre Woods said:love is good......but wats wrong with jus getting a nut and going on with your life if the sex is good most people will stay i believe and you have to prove your worthy of the romance not jus be there there is always another female we are all jus one of many you have to prove your one of a kind a special to get that instead of just expecting something and if your not gettin the romance you want YOU''RE prolly the one doing something wrong or your pickin the wrong guys cause ive seen men go overboard for there women
-
Permalink Reply by lyfenlyn on -
Hire more workers!they slow like the post office and shit.
Spookycreep said:You are right of course, you do have to keep yourself in harm's way, so to speak but in the end, there is nothing you can do to "make it happen." Like the Supremes said: You can't hurry love... But I agree, love needs to hire more workers.
lyfenlyn said:A friend was saying on FB that you dont find love, love finds you. Well love needs a new pair of glasses, a seeing eye dog or a new GPS because it aint found me yet! I think that whole just wait around for it to drop out of the sky randomly shit is not realistic. You have to have an intention and follow it up with positive action. Increase your likelyhood of finding someone by being out and about.
Safa Littleshinytrinket said:Yeah i hate seeing so many people jaded over love and finding the "right one" like me.
A-lot of people have bad experiences but those experiences shouldn't rule your life. But i find it very hard to find someone who is openly honest about their feelings and isn't a coward when it comes to making time or a commitment ...I just hope there's more sweethearts out there.
-
Permalink Reply by lyfenlyn on
-
Sometimes there is a gray area with sex. You meet someone you are chemically attracted to, and you have amazing sex with them, but not much else works with them. But the sex is off the chain and satisfying in the moment. But that isnt that easy to find.
Spookycreep said:There is nothing in the world wrong with causual sex if that's what you want. The point is not all men or women are interested in this. I guess it all boils down to what ever floats your particular boat, some like crusie ships, some like boats built only for two. No reason both types can't have what they want.
(glad you liked the vids. currently working on one featuring black alternative males.)
DeAndre Woods said:love is good......but wats wrong with jus getting a nut and going on with your life if the sex is good most people will stay i believe and you have to prove your worthy of the romance not jus be there there is always another female we are all jus one of many you have to prove your one of a kind a special to get that instead of just expecting something and if your not gettin the romance you want YOU''RE prolly the one doing something wrong or your pickin the wrong guys cause ive seen men go overboard for there women
-
Permalink Reply by Rosenda on -
Well said, lyflyf. And with that said, I have a lot of work to do on the couple areas of my life I can do something about.
I've proven to myself that if I do the picking, I do not make good timing or choices thus far. I don't wanna wait but I have to for "love to find me" so I just gotta get out and about as I can for my own amusement. Like you gotta quit looking so hard and just give up in a way and learn to deal with being without and frankly in the past that's when surprises come up and about. I sense that is way different now, because everything is in sharp relief in my life, and I gotta work it one thing at a time. It feels nice to actually notice dudes again. Gotta lay in the cut and see what's out there when I go different places. ;)
I'll say this, I gotta learn to shut my mouth on the subject, cause nobody wants to hear the broken record anymore from me, and I get the feeling it drives people off. If I go there now, I gotta play it close to the tight vest and only with a few close friends who truly understand it. I don't think anyone is learning from or being helped by me sharing this kind of stuff about myself anymore. It hurts to hold it in, but only action on my part and someone else's will change it, my situation.
It's good to know what you want and need, but you are better able to achieve it if you been around the block a few tomes and know how to play the game. That's the way it all looks from here to me.
lyfenlyn said:A friend was saying on FB that you dont find love, love finds you. Well love needs a new pair of glasses, a seeing eye dog or a new GPS because it aint found me yet! I think that whole just wait around for it to drop out of the sky randomly shit is not realistic. You have to have an intention and follow it up with positive action. Increase your likelyhood of finding someone by being out and about.
Safa Littleshinytrinket said:Yeah i hate seeing so many people jaded over love and finding the "right one" like me.
A-lot of people have bad experiences but those experiences shouldn't rule your life. But i find it very hard to find someone who is openly honest about their feelings and isn't a coward when it comes to making time or a commitment ...I just hope there's more sweethearts out there.
-
Permalink Reply by Kodachi on -
All this stuff sounds like what I've read in Sarah and Angelina Grimke's works (they're from the 1800s but the stuff they say sticks like crazy glue today) that if girls aren't taught to think beyond what shade goes well with their eyes, they're bound to become dolls inside and out. Those kind of girls annoy me.
I don't care for money, I already have my own. I just want a guy who's smart and can keep up with me. The best date I was ever taken on was to a comic book store because I (and my guy (well, ex)) loved comic books. That didn't require money and frankly he was a little surprised that I wasn't trying to empty his pockets. I prefer free events over paid stuff because I feel weird otherwise, like you're paying me to keep you company. I just wanna be happy, not earn a check I don't need.
I've always been told I would scare guys off because I have a "strong personality" and very "masculine" in that I have opinions about stuff such as politics and don't care for the flighty stuff such as makeup and celeb gossip. Basically, even as a girl who wears petticoats, I've been told people would mistake me for a guy easily because I don't sound like an airhead.
Now I prefer the guy be smart, not crazy and keep up with me intellectually. Too many guys I have come across would tell me all these boring facts and such and expect me to go "Oh geez, you're so smart!" when really I'm thinking, "This guy's got the IQ of a broken candlestick," because a lot of them tell me that other girls are impressed by such redundant information. Heck, one guy was trying to tell me about his garmin phone (someone bought one of those, lolz) and how it's an android and how he paid lots of money but then it got stolen and such and such and such. Ugh, I thought he was never gonna shut up. I'm part of the Android OS community so I was kinda laughing he bought such a dud at a more expensive price than my unlocked Xperia x10 mini pro that you can't even get in the States. And I'm pretty much humiliating him with his little bit of knowledge because there's no way that crap is gonna impress me.He didn't even know what firmware is cell phone was and it wasn't even truly unlocked. I guess he thought because I have about 10+ cell phone charms on my phone including a realistic life-sized ice cream cone and teddy bear the size of your hand I'd be charmed but sheesh, man, shuddup if you don't know anything. This guy then started talking about how his shoes are so expensive and how he's only worn them twice and how they're $200 and I just remarked "Add $100 more and you could prolly buy one of my dresses." (I'm into lolita fashion) because that nonsense doesn't impress me at all. I know guy friends tell me that usually stuff like this work but man, if a guy doesn't does show any brains and think he's McFly, all I'm going to do is turn him into a joke until they get flustered and embarrassed and walk off or until I'm bored with Mr. Bricks-for-brains.
Then there was the fool who I think was trying to chat me up in the martial arts weapon shop. I was testing out the iron fist striking pad and he's sitting there basically asking if I know how to use one of those (I'm testing it right then and there, idiot.) and how he kinda trains (code for "Haven't trained since Hector was a pup") and talking to me about all the Wing Chun books in front of me - which is my training style. He couldn't get the terms right, didn't know what he was doing and couldn't identify most of what he was looking at and just relied on "Hey, I used this technique once" stories that I could easily top. I guess the guy was used to telling girls this and they swoon for some reason. I just wanted to price the Wing Chun poster in front of me and see how well the pad worked (it was pretty solid and in a pretty color too), not have some fool talk to me about stuff I already know.
I much rather guys who are not so laced up in whatever status quo they're trying to maintain and to be themselves. I've met just too many who are very immature, stupid, think money is everything or telling someone how you met Kanye West one day is appealing. And I haven't even dated any of them (why should I? They were already a waste of my time just talking to me) or wanted to talk to them, just had the bad luck of being in their line of vision. If the guy is respectful and talks to me like a person, sure I'll chat with him, there's a chance he might actually be able to hold an intellectual conversation. And if I can't see someone as being a friend, there's no way I could even fathom the idea of them being a boyfriend. Plus he's gotta be okay with being dragged to drag shows and having independent ideas or there's no reason for him to be there.
If the guy expects that girls just want him for his pockets, I have a feeling that's the approach he's gonna take. There's not a lot out there that are willing to just be themselves but then complain when someone isn't to their note. I dress in lolita fashion, go to drag shows and attend concerts frequently but I detest drinking and drugs, most guys are not going to spend time on getting to know me and when I key into that, that's when I start just making a spectacle out of them for my own entertainment because hey, if they were smarter, they would've left me alone. I don't like to put up an image to unravel later because if I'm going to ultimately date you sooner or later, the image is going to go anyways so no need to bother, no bait and switch and I would like the guy to do the same. If they're the wooing type, they should go for it but if they're not, stop trying to play the part because then it becomes a chore it seems. That's why I loved my ex-boyfriend (loooooong and complicated kinda story how it all fell apart) so much because he was himself and smart and unique and what I would prefer to date, not ignore or pick at.
I'm gonna be myself, imperfections and all, I expect the same.
-
Permalink Reply by AfroCuban on -
"...even if you are watching ants marching orderly through a dead bird."
Nice.
Compound Egret said:Spooky,
How does the "man is a disease" rap work out in dating and relationship situations??? If I was sitting across the table and a woman started up with that, I would really think she had a negative outlook and/or low self esteem. The world can be an ugly place, but I would rather be with someone who can see the beauty in things, even if you are watching ants marching orderly through a dead bird.
-
Permalink Reply by AfroCuban on
-
"I've always been told I would scare guys off because I have a "strong personality" and very "masculine" in that I have opinions about stuff such as politics and don't care for the flighty stuff such as makeup and celeb gossip. Basically, even as a girl who wears petticoats, I've been told people would mistake me for a guy easily because I don't sound like an airhead."
Lame, just lame. Our society is lame. I met a couple of women, that filled the "dumb and hot" stereotype. One talked about her nails for 1/2 an hour and couldn't be budged to talk about anything substantial at all. It's un-American I know, but she immediately came an order of magnitude less attractive.
The other women was making small talk and I sensed she had a brain. It took way too much prodding, but I figured out that she was actually very intelligent and and substantive thoughts and opinions. She said what is almost implied by the quote above, "guys like dumb girls". She was thrown for a loop, confused that I thought she was more interesting with a brain.
Life is easier it seems when you fit into the stereotypes people put on you, and a shit-load more difficult to tell them all to piss off and call them on their crap. Most times, I don't get the opportunity. I'd just like to have people stereotype me, treat me according to their stereotype and then get schooled on their stupidity and suffer the consequences. Not that they'd change, but they all need to be slapped by life regularly and with force.
Kodachi said:
All this stuff sounds like what I've read in Sarah and Angelina Grimke's works (they're from the 1800s but the stuff they say sticks like crazy glue today) that if girls aren't taught to think beyond what shade goes well with their eyes, they're bound to become dolls inside and out. Those kind of girls annoy me.
I don't care for money, I already have my own. I just want a guy who's smart and can keep up with me. The best date I was ever taken on was to a comic book store because I (and my guy (well, ex)) loved comic books. That didn't require money and frankly he was a little surprised that I wasn't trying to empty his pockets. I prefer free events over paid stuff because I feel weird otherwise, like you're paying me to keep you company. I just wanna be happy, not earn a check I don't need.
I've always been told I would scare guys off because I have a "strong personality" and very "masculine" in that I have opinions about stuff such as politics and don't care for the flighty stuff such as makeup and celeb gossip. Basically, even as a girl who wears petticoats, I've been told people would mistake me for a guy easily because I don't sound like an airhead.
Now I prefer the guy be smart, not crazy and keep up with me intellectually. Too many guys I have come across would tell me all these boring facts and such and expect me to go "Oh geez, you're so smart!" when really I'm thinking, "This guy's got the IQ of a broken candlestick," because a lot of them tell me that other girls are impressed by such redundant information. Heck, one guy was trying to tell me about his garmin phone (someone bought one of those, lolz) and how it's an android and how he paid lots of money but then it got stolen and such and such and such. Ugh, I thought he was never gonna shut up. I'm part of the Android OS community so I was kinda laughing he bought such a dud at a more expensive price than my unlocked Xperia x10 mini pro that you can't even get in the States. And I'm pretty much humiliating him with his little bit of knowledge because there's no way that crap is gonna impress me.He didn't even know what firmware is cell phone was and it wasn't even truly unlocked. I guess he thought because I have about 10+ cell phone charms on my phone including a realistic life-sized ice cream cone and teddy bear the size of your hand I'd be charmed but sheesh, man, shuddup if you don't know anything. This guy then started talking about how his shoes are so expensive and how he's only worn them twice and how they're $200 and I just remarked "Add $100 more and you could prolly buy one of my dresses." (I'm into lolita fashion) because that nonsense doesn't impress me at all. I know guy friends tell me that usually stuff like this work but man, if a guy doesn't does show any brains and think he's McFly, all I'm going to do is turn him into a joke until they get flustered and embarrassed and walk off or until I'm bored with Mr. Bricks-for-brains.
Then there was the fool who I think was trying to chat me up in the martial arts weapon shop. I was testing out the iron fist striking pad and he's sitting there basically asking if I know how to use one of those (I'm testing it right then and there, idiot.) and how he kinda trains (code for "Haven't trained since Hector was a pup") and talking to me about all the Wing Chun books in front of me - which is my training style. He couldn't get the terms right, didn't know what he was doing and couldn't identify most of what he was looking at and just relied on "Hey, I used this technique once" stories that I could easily top. I guess the guy was used to telling girls this and they swoon for some reason. I just wanted to price the Wing Chun poster in front of me and see how well the pad worked (it was pretty solid and in a pretty color too), not have some fool talk to me about stuff I already know.
I much rather guys who are not so laced up in whatever status quo they're trying to maintain and to be themselves. I've met just too many who are very immature, stupid, think money is everything or telling someone how you met Kanye West one day is appealing. And I haven't even dated any of them (why should I? They were already a waste of my time just talking to me) or wanted to talk to them, just had the bad luck of being in their line of vision. If the guy is respectful and talks to me like a person, sure I'll chat with him, there's a chance he might actually be able to hold an intellectual conversation. And if I can't see someone as being a friend, there's no way I could even fathom the idea of them being a boyfriend. Plus he's gotta be okay with being dragged to drag shows and having independent ideas or there's no reason for him to be there.
If the guy expects that girls just want him for his pockets, I have a feeling that's the approach he's gonna take. There's not a lot out there that are willing to just be themselves but then complain when someone isn't to their note. I dress in lolita fashion, go to drag shows and attend concerts frequently but I detest drinking and drugs, most guys are not going to spend time on getting to know me and when I key into that, that's when I start just making a spectacle out of them for my own entertainment because hey, if they were smarter, they would've left me alone. I don't like to put up an image to unravel later because if I'm going to ultimately date you sooner or later, the image is going to go anyways so no need to bother, no bait and switch and I would like the guy to do the same. If they're the wooing type, they should go for it but if they're not, stop trying to play the part because then it becomes a chore it seems. That's why I loved my ex-boyfriend (loooooong and complicated kinda story how it all fell apart) so much because he was himself and smart and unique and what I would prefer to date, not ignore or pick at.
I'm gonna be myself, imperfections and all, I expect the same.
- ‹ Previous
- 1
- …
- 7
- 8
- 9
- Next ›
© 2013 Created by Matthew.
