... the other Black experience
lyfenlyn said:I prefer quality rather than just noise to keep me company. I do mean people. If they aren't stmulating cool people I'll go it alone. I hate being around boring cookie cutter idiots.
This. Plus, other people get in my way because they slow me down because I have to be nice to them when I'd like to just do what I need to do.
In highschool, I noticed I HATED hanging out with people and doing things that are of no interest with me. I'd rather do the things I like alone than do things I don't like with others. "I like to do the things I like to do" is something Yuen Biao said when asked by the Chinese media why he doesn't go partying with Jackie.
I only have a handful of people that are still my friends, and I like the small number. I've known most of them since elementary school and kinder care.
I like people but I like solitude and freedom of movement. I like my friends but I need my space. I like hanging out at the library alone and going to the movies alone and people watching. And driving alone is the best thinking time, ever.
I'm confused by people who NEED NEED NEED other people and by people who NEED NEED NEED to be in a relationship. To me, getting along alone is the key to happiness.
And yea, loners are considered negative or "weird" because we live in a society that promotes co-dependent behavior and every one being the same and people being afraid to do things on their own.
Permalink Reply by AfroCuban on I've been both. True loner first and the second type now. Too bad, I had some decent friends. Now, I have none. At least where I live now.
But I'd rather have no friends than superficial ones.
And you don't need friends to have a girl friend or date, so, who needs 'em.
Permalink Reply by Que on 
Permalink Reply by Cierra W. on Permalink Reply by AfroCuban on I am lonely. It's hard for me to find my "group"...the people I can really relate to and do things with. I have "friends" but on a very superficial level. We don't even enjoy doing the same things, don't enjoy the same music, activities, nor do we have similar outlooks on life. It really sucks when you can't reach out to someone (in real life) who is very similar to yourself...people you just "click with". It's been this way for most of my life, so at this point I'm just used to it. I've always been an outcast. I do lots of things alone because I haven't found people I "click" with yet. I am confident that someday I will, though. Just haven't yet. :-/
Permalink Reply by Rosenda on AfroCuban I think that is right on. Going to places and things where you like, and be open to meet like minded folks. At the very least, you satisfy your own desire to go see that band, hear that music, see that show, see the film, read those books, see the building, wander and explore whatever you want to see and experience on your own, even if you'd prefer to share that with another person. I have had to force myself to re-learn that right now, because vast majority of my friends don't have the time to do those things as often they used to (because we are all older now and their lives changed more drastically and more traditionally than mine did). So it's kinda weird for me to feel all awkward in my own company, after decades of being okay whether I was with people or without people, but I'm proof you can relearn whatever you want to. It's harder to do so when you're older like me, but it ain't impossible.
At the very least.............you keep busy doing fun shit, which can distract you, at least for that day/night/afternoon, about how lonely or out of sync with the universe you might feel. Good luck everybody!
Permalink Reply by Rosenda on There's nothing wrong ever with being alone..................I enjoyed the hell out of my alone time for probably the past 30 years straight. When I was younger I had to fight for that alone time, to learn how to always have enough alone time for my own self and adventures. Unfortunately, I've had enough of it and it's at a weird time in my life where I have to meet new people who more in my mindset than the people I've grown apart from just due to the years and decades that have passed. I dont' think anyone understands that............yes I know how to enjoy myself alone because I happily did a lot of shit alone for those same decades, just as much as the shit I did with other friends and family along with me.
It's just that now I don't need the alone time internally as I used to. It's built into my life, and I've grown out of it. I know that's a really hard thing for some people to understand. But it's the TRUTH. Just a cold hard fact and I have to live this. There is not amount of "talking oneself out of it", when it's a polar opposite shift to what you once were and needed.
Yes that need does change, both do, the need to be with other people you really get along with and the need to chill out alone and in peace. Ain't nothing wrong with that or either reality or need, but one should be completely honest with your inner self if those needs change, and don't let anyone else make you feel stupid or bad about it. Change is part of life. :)
Permalink Reply by DeAndre Woods on This is basically it. I have a few (maybe 2) friends that I hang out with when our schedules permit. At my age most of my friends have families or girlfriends so I can't expect them to just hangout on a whim as I do. I talk on the phone with my friends when we can though I speak to my brother daily. But for the most part I chill alone and hang out even in the social areas downtown by myself. Unless I'm on a date I roll out solo. I prefer to go to the movies, mall, shows etc. alone so that one isn't dragging the other. Just recently I tried to get my 'peoples' to roll with me to see the Tribe Called Quest documentary but schedules and other stuff made it not possible so I stepped to it alone. I love my bros all day but when I gotta go, I go.
But I don't consider myself a loner. That seems to have too much of the weight of someone who's antisocial or can't communicate with people, nuh-uh not me. I dig being out with my bros & sistas just that it all has to work out. I love living alone and not worrying about who put the dishes in the sink or if someone ate my food. The peaceful feeling of coming into your own home alone is precious. And I can share the space as I please.
Fashionfreak said:
^^^i don't think that's a contradiction :) i love being around people just as much as i love being by myself. aslong as they aren't close minded and simple.
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