white guys?

so every white guy i met which is the total of three have liked me and it appeared we were dating with the long phone calls etc but then it stops. I know part of it is me cause i wear my heart on my sleeve and mention my feelings for them too soon and it is too much for them and plus i think i am just a black girl fantasy to them. its interesting i mean i am in white boy phase.. its like i am the best of both worlds for them.. i am black and "white" cause i listen to rock or like certain sports... but i never get to go out in public with them? people have told me there are white guys out there into sisters but where are they? or prehaps this field isnt for me and my aim is narrow ... love should not be based on one color of men and i should just let whoever ( whatever race) come and love me. Anyway white guys have hurt me the most it seems.. i mean the irish guy , we talked and then friend told me he told did her roomates the same things as me but i never confronted him but rejected him with an email and left and he poped in and out my life and then we were suppose to meet up but he stood me up.. now i think i broke his heart and he wanted to do the same to mine idk.. he told me "everyone knowns i am a asshole !" like its an excuse.. after him i changed and met this other guy and i lost my good girl image and after months of being online he mentions were dating but then when i ask him about his day or the movie he watches he blows me off.. mind you we only have talked about sex and with irish guy we talked about life, movies, sex was a little but not much... anyway its my fault w the last guy for losing my personhood and introducing myself as SEX... and the very first white guy was in middle school and his brother kindly told me he tells everyone i am his friend and his brother called me a nigger. Anyway , i seem to have bad luck w white guys and i have hate for them and when i see them i try not to look at them but they spot me but i just need to heal and regroup and find myself again.. i make guys my life and that is a NO NO!!! no one should be your life!!! anyway hard to let them go and the hurt but little by little it changes...

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Permalink Reply by X-D-D-M*9 on June 20, 2011 at 10:25am

Tomeka J, I'd suggest remembering your experiences but to not let them taint future relationships. Again the same experiences could be told by a sister in an urban environment or rural area. Seek what you want or need.

I echo AfroCuban's perspective of "I like women" and "do you". I'm interested in all types of women though my dating has been majorly women of pan-African backgrounds (in the US, Caribbean, South America, UK) and some Latinas (mostly of clearly direct African heritage).

Personally I do find white women attractive especially those of eastern European descent. Most likely because I didn't grow up knowing much about their societies and I'm interested in different cultures, including their women. Russian, Czech, Romanian, etc. communities are a whole other world to me. In the US I've only dated a few white women but I'm not against in and even with my honest curiousity I try to avoid fetishization (even when the same Black exotification is directed toward me).

My assumption is to be true to what you want and use your experience but attempt to not box in everyone.

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Permalink Reply by Tomeka J on June 20, 2011 at 11:35pm

thanks:)

Daoud said:

Tomeka J, I'd suggest remembering your experiences but to not let them taint future relationships. Again the same experiences could be told by a sister in an urban environment or rural area. Seek what you want or need.

I echo AfroCuban's perspective of "I like women" and "do you". I'm interested in all types of women though my dating has been majorly women of pan-African backgrounds (in the US, Caribbean, South America, UK) and some Latinas (mostly of clearly direct African heritage).

Personally I do find white women attractive especially those of eastern European descent. Most likely because I didn't grow up knowing much about their societies and I'm interested in different cultures, including their women. Russian, Czech, Romanian, etc. communities are a whole other world to me. In the US I've only dated a few white women but I'm not against in and even with my honest curiousity I try to avoid fetishization (even when the same Black exotification is directed toward me).

My assumption is to be true to what you want and use your experience but attempt to not box in everyone.

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Permalink Reply by X-D-D-M*9 on June 21, 2011 at 1:52am

^^^ Thank you. Though interracial dating is a running theme on AP, your honest personal perspective brings a different side. All the best.

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Permalink Reply by Edgar Wharton on August 30, 2011 at 12:05am

You gotta toughen up and cover your heart some. Allowing someone to see your emotions and feelings too soon can put them in a position of power and domination over you. It doesn't have to be an outright dominance, but just reading how you have been hurt and the way that it is constantly making you feel is similar to an emotional dominance.

Tangent: One thing that I have come across is the idea that people have of a "preference"--say you're talking to a white guy/girl/queer..etc.etc and the first thing they tell you without even getting to know you is that "I'm not into black guys or girls...not racist...its just a preference" DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE TO ANY OF YOU? What preference is it based on---in my case most guys no matter what color of their skin have a dick--the only preference left is skin color...

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Permalink Reply by Tomeka J on November 10, 2011 at 10:41am

thanks for your reply as with everyone's comments i learn more about myself and take the advice in. Im doing a little bit better since i wrote this. Im becoming more open minded and not showing myself too much as i once did. I guess i am growing up:)

Edgar Wharton said:

You gotta toughen up and cover your heart some. Allowing someone to see your emotions and feelings too soon can put them in a position of power and domination over you. It doesn't have to be an outright dominance, but just reading how you have been hurt and the way that it is constantly making you feel is similar to an emotional dominance.

Tangent: One thing that I have come across is the idea that people have of a "preference"--say you're talking to a white guy/girl/queer..etc.etc and the first thing they tell you without even getting to know you is that "I'm not into black guys or girls...not racist...its just a preference" DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE TO ANY OF YOU? What preference is it based on---in my case most guys no matter what color of their skin have a dick--the only preference left is skin color...

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Permalink Reply by taryn m on November 10, 2011 at 2:48pm

the last thing you said girl...it does change. nothing stays the same forever. and as for the white guys...it really doesnt matter if he is a douche he is a douche ya know? you will find someone worth a damn. but i know how you feel girl about the black girl fantasy thing. it could just be paranoia too sometimes. a guy fucks anything doesnt matter as long as it has a hole.

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Permalink Reply by Tomeka J on November 10, 2011 at 4:04pm

haha! thanks for the encouraging advice:) one day i will find someone .

taryn m said:

the last thing you said girl...it does change. nothing stays the same forever. and as for the white guys...it really doesnt matter if he is a douche he is a douche ya know? you will find someone worth a damn. but i know how you feel girl about the black girl fantasy thing. it could just be paranoia too sometimes. a guy fucks anything doesnt matter as long as it has a hole.