Bullying and Gender Fluidity

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Permalink Reply by blaqvenus on May 15, 2009 at 2:32pm

My family bullies my little cousins. It's a lot of pressure on a child to behave/look/play the way society tells us is "right" based on gender. I feel sorry for my cousins, and voiceless because I am not a parent. However, when my cousins are with me, i let them be themselves. I think they thank me in their own special way...and I hope they grow up knowing that not all people are the same and it's okay.

Permalink Reply by Monstah Black on May 15, 2009 at 4:56pm

yeah, I think in general, as a society we don't understand how much harm the wrong words can cause on the mind of a child. As a teen and adult for that matter. It's great that your cousins have you to be themselves around.

Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on May 17, 2009 at 3:20am

My family tried to "shame" me out of my rough housing and need to play sports by making fun of me. I wasn't ever allowed to play sports, the only choice I had was dance ensemble. Even in my teens my mom made a big, nasty deal about me wanting to play rugby and tried to embarrass me about it all the time. And oh God the weight lifting. She honestly tries to sabotage my diet.

They always tried to discourage me from doing things I really enjoyed because "it's not right" for a girl to do and all those other girls could grow up to be dykes if their parents let them or something like that.

My male cousins would get whoopins for being even remotely feminine.

:( Great memories.

Permalink Reply by Monstah Black on May 17, 2009 at 2:06pm

Interestingly enough, my immediate family was pretty supportive in allowing me to be who I was. For me it was mostly people from the community and my peers who I felt the ridicule from. Because I was brought up in an artistic environment at home I was encouraged to go into the direction of my natural talents. It only became a little more difficult with my parents when I began to embrace my Punk androgynous side and made myself more of a spectacle in the community. Punk, queer and the baptist church didn't mix well, but now my parents can see how it's not a phase and is a positive thing in my life.

Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on May 17, 2009 at 8:04pm

I wish I had grown in a place that allowed freedom of thought. You're lucky.

Monstah Black said:

Interestingly enough, my immediate family was pretty supportive in allowing me to be who I was. For me it was mostly people from the community and my peers who I felt the ridicule from. Because I was brought up in an artistic environment at home I was encouraged to go into the direction of my natural talents. It only became a little more difficult with my parents when I began to embrace my Punk androgynous side and made myself more of a spectacle in the community. Punk, queer and the baptist church didn't mix well, but now my parents can see how it's not a phase and is a positive thing in my life.

Permalink Reply by Nadia C on May 17, 2009 at 8:56pm

With the exception of my mother, my family is very judgemental. With my aunts, and her children...I didn't know how to dance...I didn't dance in their ensemble(With other kids from the neighborhood/*their schools) In fact, I would arrive at their practices dressed as a baby bat...And watch them dance from the corner...Which would *really piss my aunt off. She would make sure she looked at me like I was out of place. I didn't want to date anyone from the community, of *their choosing...Some random man they thought was *good.

I do remember my mother saying some very judgemental things when I was younger...Like, according to the Bible, a woman was not suppose to dress in the clothes of a man...And when I started to dress only in pants as part of my Gothic/Heavy Metal outlet she would say that, I might start to look at women(Because I was dressing like a "man", I would start to look at woman? Not sure how that makes sense.)

For the most part, my mother was very supportive of me. Sometimes she didn't understand why I was into the things I was into. Sometimes, for example, she liked some of the music I was into, so much so that she would listen to it herself, and thought it was a *good thing that I liked it, cause she *understood it was a helluvalot more positive than most of the other stuff that was available to me.

But sometimes she really didn't even try to understand.

As far as the whole gender thing, well there was that conversation about the clothes, and then there would be other instances where I would be watching television, hearing someone(Like someone saying Eminem was gay or smething, like that would be a *bad thing, if it were true) say something against gays, and I would just say aloud that it was alright, there was nothing wrong with it(I expected my mother to be of the same mind), and my mother would "correct" me, and say it most certainly was not.

My response to it was definitely the stuff I got into. Which was mostly Gothic and Heavy Metal, at the time. I didn't want to be a stereotype, and I didn't want to be accessible for just *any man, or *anyone. I wanted to be my own person, an individual, not limited to what society thought I should be because I was *black, a *woman, or a *black woman.

Permalink Reply by Monstah Black on May 17, 2009 at 10:51pm

It's all such a crazy cycle that "society" has created. The rules that determine what is what. Colors, mannerisms, tastes, preferences, likes and dislikes determining if you are wrong or if you are right.

Permalink Reply by jihad.jones on June 2, 2010 at 1:29am

growing up, i liked to play with the boys. any contact sport was my thing. before i became a teenager, my parents did everything they could think of to discourage me from playing with anything but Barbie & Ken (granted, it was fun to make Barbie fuck Ken lol). as i got older, it became apparent to my folks, especially mom, that i was not a feminine girl. they let me play basketball & dress almost any way i wanted to (grungy flannels, chuck taylors & bermudas, anyone?) as long as i was happy. i would get picked on by my peers for looking the way i did. many times i was asked if i thought i was a boy, if i wanted to be a boy, or if i was a quote-unquote "dyke". even now, i have to defend myself from verbal assaults on my style & personality from strangers & friends alike. it used to make me angry, but now i don't give a fuck. my androgyny excites me. my fluidity (in sexuality, style & everything in between) is a part of who I am. i am unique. if people can't handle me in my entirety, they don't deserve me.

Permalink Reply by Q.A.Bradford on June 6, 2010 at 8:19am

Its even more subtle for guys. Anything that deviates from the womanizing, excesso-aggressive culture gets slammed as being feminine. On top of that, you also have women who reinforce the retardation. Its funny how in nature the masculine animals are aesthetically more showy while quite obviously male. The gender bending I think is no prob for guys but people are so stupid that they confuse gender bending with sex bending.

I remember as a kid that my mom bought me a janet jackson night shirt. I was too little to get it and my mom was too crazy to not buy me it (probably in an attempt to be cheap in shopping for kids clothes). luckily by supporting my art abilities and putting me into a boys program, they allowed me to become gender neutral enough (I had an older sister and I was a nerd. girly things cant be helped) until i got to comics and video games. But middle school and friendships of adolescence got me into the introspection again and now in my adulthood, I finally have some clarity on it.