I need a date!

Being Black is hard enough but also Black Queer and into rock is like a grab bag of wrong. My experiences with dating have been interesting to say the least. I have been lucky enough to surround myself with as many Queer people of color who are into the same things as me I but still have a hard time trying to find somebody who is compatible to me. Sometimes I find somebody who is intellectual enough for me but they are just so hood, or just a brain. I cant find a middle ground abnormally normal nut. LOL. I just want to know who you all are deal with dating in your area. Do you prefer people of color or non-people of color. How do you deal with the interrelations of relations.

Tags: Queer, dateing

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Permalink Reply by Kaos Blac on January 5, 2009 at 5:19pm

Thanks fro the complement. Yeah I also identify as Bi and I Just feel like i spin my heels at times trying to be a certin way for both groups. I Try to be "straight" for the ladies " and I try to be "gay" for the dudes but I just cant work like that. I'm to middle ground and anti to be content with what i have at time. but now that were in the new year i want to find someone to love. I miss saying I love you to someone I care for, in that I want to be with you and cuddle kinda way, lol.

Isa said:

I totally know how you feel. I was talking with a friend about what kind of lady I'd like to meet. When I told her that my ideal partner would be a woman of color who was into punk, metal & rock and had some DIY ethics, who was sober as well as had buddhists/taoist leanings, my friend laughed and said made a playful comment like "good luck finding her." Being afro punks, we are a minority within a minority within a minority...lol.

I identify as bi because I do enjoy men and women, however, my attraction to women is growing stronger. As I'm discovering how narrow my dating preferences are getting, I feel even more alone and "other". I've I pretty much date mostly men because I have never met my kind of woman....EVER!!! I truly feel like my own island. But when I date men, they tend to be older (over 40 white men). I prefer the maturity, calmness and sharing that I have never experienced with men in my 20's. But most of the men I've date are not punk or metal heads...lol. The men of color I've dated were more conservative in their views, politics and had a difficult time with my so-called "whiteness". Again, I've never dated a brown punk boy, because I've never met one :(

Also, I m learning that my age is becoming a factor. Being 36 years old places me in this weird in between space where I'm considered too old for one age group and too young for another. I don't meet many 30-something punker unless they are they apolitical punks who like the body mods and snearing a passerby while drinking lattes at Starbucks, but that is as "punk" as it gets.

Now I live in a city with a "lame queer community"...i.e, it's really small, homogenous and not very political. But that can be said for the straight community as well...lol. I'm thinking of moving to a larger city just so I can open my dating pool up a bit. I have no problem dating members of other races and do so, however, I prefer women of color. I'm just kinda sick of the "jungle fever" that's in the (white) lesbian community. As far as men go, I've dated men of all races, but now I'm not that interested in them. So I guess it's another period of celibacy and "reflection time" as I wallow through the lonely corridors of being uniquely unique...sniffle, sniffle.

; )

Great discussion by the way! It's good to know that it's not just me.

Permalink Reply by Madamoiselle De Sade on January 7, 2009 at 1:39am

I know what you mean. Total "grab bag of wrong". :(

I'm bi with a strong preference for women and I face a really stupid problem. Most people don't even know I like girls, unless they know me really really well. Eh, idunno. But. ...idk. ...*frustrated*

Permalink Reply by Kaos Blac on January 9, 2009 at 8:18pm

And she has a septic piercing. Oh yeah!

Not a Punk. said:

I feel ur pain bro but,
you shouldn't have turned me down
I would've rocked your world
I guess i'll see you next lifetime
maybe we'll be butterflies

For real though I'd like to go on a dinner date this month or next
Any takers? Ladies?
Kaos let em know what a catch I am
For instance:
I'm black and I like punk music

Permalink Reply by guitargrrrl76 on January 13, 2009 at 12:31am

We're like twin souls. LOL. I'm 32 and in the same type of situation. I'm too white for black people and too black for white people. I'm black, bi and punk. And most of the lesbians out here are like, what, you sleep with men, I don't wanna taste dick. They really think like that. But they are all sleeping with each other. And most of them are young and kinda stupid and silly and still trying to be punker than thou. The last guy I dated was 22 but mexican/irish. It was great finally dating a brown boy that actually preferred women of color. There is a guy that may have a crush on me now, but it's more of a black curiosity thing for him I think. He has made no attempts to get to know. He just likes to rub my back and make sexual comments. I'm not down with being someone's black experience. So, I'm with you on the celibacy tip.

Isa said:

I totally know how you feel. I was talking with a friend about what kind of lady I'd like to meet. When I told her that my ideal partner would be a woman of color who was into punk, metal & rock and had some DIY ethics, who was sober as well as had buddhists/taoist leanings, my friend laughed and said made a playful comment like "good luck finding her." Being afro punks, we are a minority within a minority within a minority...lol.

I identify as bi because I do enjoy men and women, however, my attraction to women is growing stronger. As I'm discovering how narrow my dating preferences are getting, I feel even more alone and "other". I've I pretty much date mostly men because I have never met my kind of woman....EVER!!! I truly feel like my own island. But when I date men, they tend to be older (over 40 white men). I prefer the maturity, calmness and sharing that I have never experienced with men in my 20's. But most of the men I've date are not punk or metal heads...lol. The men of color I've dated were more conservative in their views, politics and had a difficult time with my so-called "whiteness". Again, I've never dated a brown punk boy, because I've never met one :(

Also, I m learning that my age is becoming a factor. Being 36 years old places me in this weird in between space where I'm considered too old for one age group and too young for another. I don't meet many 30-something punker unless they are they apolitical punks who like the body mods and snearing a passerby while drinking lattes at Starbucks, but that is as "punk" as it gets.

Now I live in a city with a "lame queer community"...i.e, it's really small, homogenous and not very political. But that can be said for the straight community as well...lol. I'm thinking of moving to a larger city just so I can open my dating pool up a bit. I have no problem dating members of other races and do so, however, I prefer women of color. I'm just kinda sick of the "jungle fever" that's in the (white) lesbian community. As far as men go, I've dated men of all races, but now I'm not that interested in them. So I guess it's another period of celibacy and "reflection time" as I wallow through the lonely corridors of being uniquely unique...sniffle, sniffle.

; )

Great discussion by the way! It's good to know that it's not just me.

Permalink Reply by DanielaInfinity on January 13, 2009 at 2:58am

lmao

Not a Punk. said:

I feel ur pain bro but,
you shouldn't have turned me down
I would've rocked your world
I guess i'll see you next lifetime
maybe we'll be butterflies

For real though I'd like to go on a dinner date this month or next
Any takers? Ladies?
Kaos let em know what a catch I am
For instance:
I'm black and I like punk music

Permalink Reply by Rand0mgirl on October 4, 2009 at 8:21pm

I'm bisexual and it truly is a "grab bag of wrong". i'm also vegan and i don't drink/smoke/do drugs. One day I might find someone... :/

Permalink Reply by Satra Sia on October 7, 2009 at 6:23pm

I am too...you are not alone..lolz Vegan, & no drugs..

Isa I can dig it. Trying to find my ideal or closest thing to protype have left me single.

I would love to find someone African or of color for that matter who is spiritual, with knowledge of self, who's apart of an organization to help our people, and is open minded, lover of the arts, who enjoy vegan and vegetarian meals...with a PEACE mentality...ahhh that would be so nice...lol

Sarah said:

I'm bisexual and it truly is a "grab bag of wrong". i'm also vegan and i don't drink/smoke/do drugs. One day I might find someone... :/

Permalink Reply by Rand0mgirl on October 7, 2009 at 6:42pm

that sounds way too perfect. lol.

Satra Sia said:

I am too...you are not alone..lolz Vegan, & no drugs..

Isa I can dig it. Trying to find my ideal or closest thing to protype have left me single.

I would love to find someone African or of color for that matter who is spiritual, with knowledge of self, who's apart of an organization to help our people, and is open minded, lover of the arts, who enjoy vegan and vegetarian meals...with a PEACE mentality...ahhh that would be so nice...lol

Sarah said:
I'm bisexual and it truly is a "grab bag of wrong". i'm also vegan and i don't drink/smoke/do drugs. One day I might find someone... :/

Permalink Reply by Lunakiss on November 13, 2009 at 6:48pm

I'm a Lesbian womyn. Maybe you ladies and gentlemen should look on here for dates. I know what you mean. I'm lame AR and I don't even have any friends at all. Finding a WOC whose into what I'm into is like a needle in a haystack. I'm a single lady and reason why I join websites like these for comfort and normalcy.
Frustrating!

Permalink Reply by Suburban Soulgirl on December 14, 2009 at 11:13am

Yeah it's kind of irritating when many lesbians don't want to date a bi woman w/o getting to find out her intentions...However, I can kind of feel them on the whole tasting peen...YUCK! Even my bi friends think it's really gross and would rather be with a single woman than a woman who deals with men cos of that issue.

As for me I'm trying the whole internet dating thing...It's pretty rough cos so many of these sites are so white (or rather anything but black) & youth oriented. When you're black and over 30 the pickings get slimmer. *sighs*

guitargrrrl76 said:

We're like twin souls. LOL. I'm 32 and in the same type of situation. I'm too white for black people and too black for white people. I'm black, bi and punk. And most of the lesbians out here are like, what, you sleep with men, I don't wanna taste dick.

Permalink Reply by guitargrrrl76 on December 21, 2009 at 2:02am

My thing with the lesbians is...I'm monogamous. So, I'm not going to fuck some dude and then be like, "hey girlie, let's get it on." I'm also not into sleeping around. I need an emotional connection with someone first. It's so hard and it sucks. And in Austin, there are really not a lot of colored queer punk peeps. Although I have met a few and they seem like nice people. Still doesn't get me a date though. ahaha. I wish I had an update from the last time I posted on this thread, but I don't. Me being the cat lady seems like an inevitability.

Permalink Reply by GodsavetheQueer on December 28, 2009 at 4:37pm

Man, you know how i found a date? I was on downelink and just did a search for a hunnit-mile radius and picked out the girl negress with the Ani D. lyrics on her page. Figured in order to be in the south, be negro, and know who Ani is she's gotta be worth a shot, lol. I mean, a date wasn't gonna happen any other way. Girls here are NOT into me; i'm too boyish to be some femme, and i'm not thuggish enough like the studs around here, and i want me a woman of color because i'm racist. As for (black) women who won't date bisexual women...that's the most retarded thing in the world. I'm not particularly monogamous but i'd hope the chick i'm with would at least inform me before she jumps on some peen so I can have cause to be grossed out (lol). Omg i'm so braindead today that NONE of that came out how i'd planned.