S4S, FAKE STUDS, TOO GIRLY TO BE A STUD??? BORING LESBIANS

It would be nice to see more of a variety in the lesbian community. it seems like the lesbian community is full of women who are trapped in the boxes of conventional wisdom of what relationship should be, shackled to the labels and expectations, physical and emotional imitations of the male/female heterosexual relationship. People ask are you the "man"? How can you ask a lesbian that question. Have we conformed so much that even heterosexuals see us as being "males" and females??..

We call ourselves lesbians because we love only women. The difference between men who love women only and lesbians should be the fact that we are women who love being women as well being with one. But if you dont love being a women, then maybe you should redefine yourself, because there are plenty of terms for people who feel that way. But although most of us say we are lesbians or dykes, we are not living up to the definition. Because we're constantly putting a "man" in the relationship.

Lately this is all i see in the lesbian community, and i hate these labels because they make people feel like they have to choose one side or the other. But the problem with that is if you dress like a boy, and define yourself as a stud, the label brings on expectations and rules and regulations. You no longer can wear feminine clothes, talk girly, dance a certain way, act a to feminie, or you're consider a fake stud? If you are a female shouldnt you be able to be feminine if you choose?

I understand that many studs dress and act the way they do because thats how they feel comfortable and are being themselves. So women are genetically more masculine, and some women are just raised in an enviornment that makes them develop in a more masculine way. However, how many of you studs feel like there is pressure from the lesbian community to fit into a box? that people will judge you if you're not masculine ALL the time? How many studs feels afraid of being looked at as too girly???

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by brandi Williams on January 17, 2010 at 11:08pm

man, you are right on time with this. even in a city like Atlanta that has such a large gay population it's still no room for variations. if it's not stud/femme or two femmes then it can't happen here. I'm a stud who is attracted to other studs and when I tell people that, it's like I'm coming out of the closet all over again. it's so taboo. it's no point of complaining anymore, all we can do is live our lifes the way we feel fit and lead by example. hopefully those who are closeminded to all that isn't "regular" will see us happily living our alternative lifestyles and know that there are other ways. if not, fuck Em and keep it moving.

Permalink Reply by Rexy Radical on January 18, 2010 at 7:12pm

I totally agree with you. It is so tired. I am especially disheartened by the need for some studs to take on extreme misogenistic qualities to appear to be even more butch than thou so that they will be accepted by their peers. I say leave that shit to hetero men with problems, if I wanted one, I would go and get one. It's really sad that we can't get out of the boxes even a little bit.

Permalink Reply by Kalachylde on January 18, 2010 at 8:45pm

I've noticed that this happens a lot in "our" coummunity. We MUST put a label on everything. I thought being LGBT gave us the green light to do things outside the norm. I never fear doing anything that would be considered too girly, I'm too old and too confortable with myself to worry about what others think of me. As stated, we are all women who love women, and at times, it's that feminine hint that attract women more. Whatever label you choose to wear on your nametag is your business and no one's words, beliefs or feelings should strip you from that.

Great post BTW.

Permalink Reply by Jovi on January 19, 2010 at 11:30am

Here's for self identifying as queer... I will never identify as lesbian even if I behave like one because of the lesbian communities tendency to conform to gender roles. Two women don't always have to emulate a heterosexual relationship.

I find that queers are a little more open minded when it comes to fucking with gender.

Permalink Reply by Lunakiss on January 21, 2010 at 1:09pm

Interesting Take on the word Queer. I agree role creation is boring and misogynist.

Jovi said:

Here's for self identifying as queer... I will never identify as lesbian even if I behave like one because of the lesbian communities tendency to conform to gender roles. Two women don't always have to emulate a heterosexual relationship.

I find that queers are a little more open minded when it comes to fucking with gender.

Permalink Reply by Sweetmiz on January 22, 2010 at 1:48pm

I like to consider myself more of a soft stud because yes I dress like a dude and take on the more dominant role in the relationship but at the same time I'm still very feminine. I'm not trying to be a dude and I get mad when I meet other studs who have a problem with me because I don't necessarily act like the stereotypical stud.

Permalink Reply by blaqvenus on January 25, 2010 at 6:35pm

Society has conditioned ALL people to think a certain way. This is why some of the queer community suffers from internal homophobia. Which is conforming to male and female gender roles. Because anything in between is wrong or means you are confused, right? My best advice is to do you..... when you are secure with who you are and who you've been , the universe will drop the right people in your circle.

Permalink Reply by Kalachylde on January 29, 2010 at 6:51pm

Well said... I'll drink to that!

blaqvenus said:

Society has conditioned ALL people to think a certain way. This is why some of the queer community suffers from internal homophobia. Which is conforming to male and female gender roles. Because anything in between is wrong or means you are confused, right? My best advice is to do you..... when you are secure with who you are and who you've been , the universe will drop the right people in your circle.

Permalink Reply by Suburban Soulgirl on February 9, 2010 at 10:51pm

IAWTC....

blaqvenus said:

Society has conditioned ALL people to think a certain way. This is why some of the queer community suffers from internal homophobia. Which is conforming to male and female gender roles. Because anything in between is wrong or means you are confused, right? My best advice is to do you..... when you are secure with who you are and who you've been , the universe will drop the right people in your circle.

Permalink Reply by Dirty Sanchez on February 19, 2010 at 3:18am

Oh my. I hoped there would be more acceptance in hotlanta, but Dean has crushed my dreams of a black progressive queer eutopia.
:sigh:

Labels are for the simpleminded.
I actually know a wonderful quote for that, but it's 3am and I don't remember it. smh.
Glad to see a few who feel the same way.

Permalink Reply by angie1340 on February 19, 2010 at 5:04am

All those controversies come from lexical over precision. I always say that i'm just sexual without prefix, I'm not homo-sexual or bi-or whatever, just sexual, no matter who's my object of desire it's olny mine. So I don't know how you can live without support of gay community in your area, but in mine it's ok. I don't need to be marketinized to to survive.
As a woman, I think, that gay organizations, or specialized stuff are most for gay men because of money.
I really don't like it.+ I have a kind of nostalgia, for this old "St. Germain des prés" spirit. You know, community based on intellectual or artistic skills and not, bitchy bizness. It's horrible, but when homosexuality was illegal, gay organizations were less stupid. People who committed themselves were strong and rebel, and now because of there fights, other who are, sorry, stupid bitches took the control and made lot of money creating bars and prostitution nets.

Most of all if I needed a man in my relationship, why going out with a girl?
I learn that in fact there are olny 10 per cent of real differences between man and woman. I mean physically and mentally.
When you know: your sex is in 3 phases, sex of you brain, sex of your body and sex of your object of desire.
So you can be a guy with man mind who loves men, or .... all possibilities are possible.
Not olny 2!!!

stefany said:

Ahhh...this.
I identify as queer. That means I don't do rigid roles and identities. I'm genderaloof. I can't be pigeonholed, which means that a lot of lesbians don't quite know what to do with me. blaqvenus said:
Society has conditioned ALL people to think a certain way. This is why some of the queer community suffers from internal homophobia. Which is conforming to male and female gender roles. Because anything in between is wrong or means you are confused, right? My best advice is to do you..... when you are secure with who you are and who you've been , the universe will drop the right people in your circle.

Permalink Reply by angie1340 on February 19, 2010 at 7:03am

I will add, just add comment I think we are kind of zebra, like you say genderaloof, is a sign of IP. Did you ever made IQ test?
IP people always drop in alterity, sorry for those who feel bad about that, but when your IQ is over a certain limit,+ if you are kind of free minded it's logical not to be closed in a gender or sexual attitude.
If you can imagine how I suffer as IPC, @ school, or university, but Gay community.... Ho my god!!! is the worst place for IP people to be. No more Georgia O'Keef, Cocteau or Gide....:-(
You'll never find you way in this crab nest. Gay community is not for intelligentia anymore, only money and vanity rules.
This is the root of the problem that start this discussion. Nuances and tolerance need intelligence to exist, intellectual leadership like in the 70's is missing, and we are suffering because of stupidity of few people who took control especially boring lesbians:-D