S4S, FAKE STUDS, TOO GIRLY TO BE A STUD??? BORING LESBIANS

It would be nice to see more of a variety in the lesbian community. it seems like the lesbian community is full of women who are trapped in the boxes of conventional wisdom of what relationship should be, shackled to the labels and expectations, physical and emotional imitations of the male/female heterosexual relationship. People ask are you the "man"? How can you ask a lesbian that question. Have we conformed so much that even heterosexuals see us as being "males" and females??..

We call ourselves lesbians because we love only women. The difference between men who love women only and lesbians should be the fact that we are women who love being women as well being with one. But if you dont love being a women, then maybe you should redefine yourself, because there are plenty of terms for people who feel that way. But although most of us say we are lesbians or dykes, we are not living up to the definition. Because we're constantly putting a "man" in the relationship.

Lately this is all i see in the lesbian community, and i hate these labels because they make people feel like they have to choose one side or the other. But the problem with that is if you dress like a boy, and define yourself as a stud, the label brings on expectations and rules and regulations. You no longer can wear feminine clothes, talk girly, dance a certain way, act a to feminie, or you're consider a fake stud? If you are a female shouldnt you be able to be feminine if you choose?

I understand that many studs dress and act the way they do because thats how they feel comfortable and are being themselves. So women are genetically more masculine, and some women are just raised in an enviornment that makes them develop in a more masculine way. However, how many of you studs feel like there is pressure from the lesbian community to fit into a box? that people will judge you if you're not masculine ALL the time? How many studs feels afraid of being looked at as too girly???

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by GodsavetheQueer on February 19, 2010 at 6:08pm

I'll probably just be repeating what's already been said, but I kinda feel like black people more than the rest of the gay community have a problem with stepping outside the gender binary. I identify as queer genderqueer versatile but i lean more toward dominant. I've recently started seeing someone whose appearance and demeanor would lend people to thinking she's a stud, but she's actually quite submissive. I wrote a blog once about how she said I made her feel like a woman, because sometimes, although subconsious, in stud/femme relationships we fall into roles, e.g. masculine - changing the light bulb feminine - vacuuming. (Gross generalizations, but you get the point. In fact, go read it, lol: http://ichasethedevil.blogspot.com/2009/11/you-make-me-feel-like-wo...) But sometimes it's almost like the feminine person 'forgets' their partner is female and would like their partner to hug them from behind, or the masculine partner 'forgets' they're a woman, or thinks it's a sellout for all the stud community if Ms. Cockinpantz lets her lady put a finger in there. and then there's the whole thing of 'what do you perceive as feminine/masculine; strong/weak; dominant/submissive?' It's an antiquated way of thinking to think 'studs shouldn't cook' or 'it's okay for a femme to not have a job but not a stud' (i'll be damned.) and i'm not quite sure when we adopted this 1955 way of thinking.

stephany - i think i saw you on a queer tumblr. Unless 'genderaloof' is a popular term and I just haven't heard of it yet. But i'm pretty sure it was you.

Half of the rest of you - yall filtered over from Downelink, lol. Welcome!

Permalink Reply by angie1340 on February 19, 2010 at 8:31pm

Americans have such problems... Here in the middle town I'm living, there are not enough black girls to make their own community. But, for me, that kind of preoccupations come from people who don't have real problems, like how to find a girlfriend, whatever she is as she say yes:-)
In fact you have to much choice:-D
How other community live that fact? Asians or Italian, or...rainbow girls:-) I'm curious about the great differences.
I'm sorry but it's so amazing for me I didn't expect that segregation still exist, especially in gay community..

GodsavetheQueer said:

I'll probably just be repeating what's already been said, but I kinda feel like black people more than the rest of the gay community have a problem with stepping outside the gender binary. I identify as queer genderqueer versatile but i lean more toward dominant. I've recently started seeing someone whose appearance and demeanor would lend people to thinking she's a stud, but she's actually quite submissive. I wrote a blog once about how she said I made her feel like a woman, because sometimes, although subconsious, in stud/femme relationships we fall into roles, e.g. masculine - changing the light bulb feminine - vacuuming. (Gross generalizations, but you get the point. In fact, go read it, lol: http://ichasethedevil.blogspot.com/2009/11/you-make-me-feel-like-wo...) But sometimes it's almost like the feminine person 'forgets' their partner is female and would like their partner to hug them from behind, or the masculine partner 'forgets' they're a woman, or thinks it's a sellout for all the stud community if Ms. Cockinpantz lets her lady put a finger in there. and then there's the whole thing of 'what do you perceive as feminine/masculine; strong/weak; dominant/submissive?' It's an antiquated way of thinking to think 'studs shouldn't cook' or 'it's okay for a femme to not have a job but not a stud' (i'll be damned.) and i'm not quite sure when we adopted this 1955 way of thinking.

stephany - i think i saw you on a queer tumblr. Unless 'genderaloof' is a popular term and I just haven't heard of it yet. But i'm pretty sure it was you.

Half of the rest of you - yall filtered over from Downelink, lol. Welcome!

Permalink Reply by Pixel on January 15, 2011 at 2:02pm

yea i don't perscribe to thoes labels yes i'm a lesbian but i don't have to be a stud or femme sometimes i feel dressing really girly but then really tomboyish. I dated this one butch girl and she said i couldn't date femmes because i was a femme i was like wtf!?!?! lol obviously we stopped dating after that, that shit was stupid idk i think people should just be how they are don't get caught up in femme stud whatever just do you

Permalink Reply by Kaos Blac on February 2, 2012 at 7:55pm

Good questions raised. I often think about this topic. I mean where are the nerdier studs or the effeminate aggressive males?

Permalink Reply by Jorydan Iwa on January 11, 2013 at 9:07pm

im proud to be s4s

hmpf

Permalink Reply by Alex Banx on April 20, 2013 at 6:39pm

the term stud has really changed it's definition over the years. I remember when I was sorta growin up in the 90's stud meant hunk; now it's become this sort of default for butch Latina's and Blacks, most of which aren't very attractive, aren't tough at all but pretend to be, aren't self-sufficent in anyway and terrible in bed from what I hear from femme friends. I get so turned off when someone mistakenly refers to me as a stud. I am not nor have a ever been some middle-class wanna be gangsta livin w/ their grandma that's never had to struggle a day in their life. get a life. grow the f**k up and woman-up! butch/femme/whatever, just stop fakin the funk, you're makin the rest of us look bad.