Dating Other Goth/Alts People

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Heretic on October 29, 2010 at 4:33pm

Living in Minnesota, spotting Goths of Colour is a lot like playing "Where's Waldo?" However, I have learned to spot the more alternative-minded of the local African-American population at specific times and in specific places:

Public Events - Concerts for certain bands and theme nights at locals clubs are a given, but state fairs and local festivals attract all kinds. Find the darker, more mysterious areas at events like these, and you are likely to spot some of us.

The Arts - A hallmark of all Goths in an attraction to the artistic, not simply music. Local museum events, gallery openings, and art shows -- not to mention poetry readings, dance performances and small theatrical productions -- are one of our natural habitats. So gear up, get some culture, and keep your eyes pealed; some of the most interesting people I've ever run across were people I happened to bump into by chance under these circumstances.

Areas of Personal Interest - Before I was married, I was on the hunt like anybody else. Luckily, I realized that chasing was a waste of time and money. I learned to simply go on about my business, doing the things I like to do. What I discovered as a result was that whenever I ran across someone who piqued my curiosity, our common interest served as common ground, as well as a perfect icebreaker. By lying in wait in my blind of choice, I greatly increased my chances of finding someone I could connect with (and no, not just "hook up" with).


- Heretic

Permalink Reply by Lunakiss on October 29, 2010 at 10:37pm

Thank you for replying back. You're right. I will try those places. Thank you.


Heretic said:

Living in Minnesota, spotting Goths of Colour is a lot like playing "Where's Waldo?" However, I have learned to spot the more alternative-minded of the local African-American population at specific times and in specific places:

Public Events - Concerts for certain bands and theme nights at locals clubs are a given, but state fairs and local festivals attract all kinds. Find the darker, more mysterious areas at events like these, and you are likely to spot some of us.

The Arts - A hallmark of all Goths in an attraction to the artistic, not simply music. Local museum events, gallery openings, and art shows -- not to mention poetry readings, dance performances and small theatrical productions -- are one of our natural habitats. So gear up, get some culture, and keep your eyes pealed; some of the most interesting people I've ever run across were people I happened to bump into by chance under these circumstances.

Areas of Personal Interest - Before I was married, I was on the hunt like anybody else. Luckily, I realized that chasing was a waste of time and money. I learned to simply go on about my business, doing the things I like to do. What I discovered as a result was that whenever I ran across someone who piqued my curiosity, our common interest served as common ground, as well as a perfect icebreaker. By lying in wait in my blind of choice, I greatly increased my chances of finding someone I could connect with (and no, not just "hook up" with).


- Heretic

Permalink Reply by Kurojira Uzumaki on May 22, 2011 at 5:23pm

I tried.  Tried and tried.  My experience has lead me to self-imposed exile from the scene (which is no problem since I married outside of everything).  It seems apparent that to me that artist idealist folk are either hard to please and/or hard to get along with.  It wasn't due to the quotient of my goth/punkness.  I was voted most goth Kansas City '03 (I think it was '03) and Dallas '06.  My problem was I was attracted to people who's character was deficient and attracted to character where there was no chemistry.  Just beware and be patient.  I wasn't enough of either.  It felt like looking for a diamond in a sesspool.  Sissyphus ever rolling that stone up the hades hill just to have that dungball roll back down again.

Permalink Reply by MissE on July 7, 2011 at 10:12am

I agree with what Heretic said but would also add to just check your behavior. I too have some aspects of my lifestyle that potential love interests might find "concerning" and due to having gotten shit for them in the past amongst other things I tend to be on the defensive or think "Oh they aren't going to want to talk to me/I'm not going to talk to them, they won't understand me". You unconscuously project that when you think that way and it either drives people away or draws leeches who like to pray on the unconfident.Also, it's surprising who will click with you. Like the last girl I was really feeling what this cute but kind thuggish looking Domme and I was certain that she wasn't going to be cool with the fact that I'm Pagan. We started talking and I ended up learning a ton about folk magic from her. In the end, turned out she was trying to make me her other woman which pretty much prevented her from be Miss Perfect but that's a different post.  Also, try not to appear desperate. One unfortunate thing that I have seen FAR too much of amongst Black alts (at least around here) is because we are so few and far between folks kind of latch on and instead of coming off as charming, interesting and sexy they come off creepy, desperate, and extra CREEPY. I've had dudes think that a little bit of conversation and a few drinks mean they can stick their tongues down my throat because they don't like to "play around" (NO! At least ask.) You don't seem like that kind of individual but just a suggestion.

Permalink Reply by MissE on July 7, 2011 at 10:12am

*facepalms* Sorry about the essay.
MissE said:

I agree with what Heretic said but would also add to just check your behavior. I too have some aspects of my lifestyle that potential love interests might find "concerning" and due to having gotten shit for them in the past amongst other things I tend to be on the defensive or think "Oh they aren't going to want to talk to me/I'm not going to talk to them, they won't understand me". You unconscuously project that when you think that way and it either drives people away or draws leeches who like to pray on the unconfident.Also, it's surprising who will click with you. Like the last girl I was really feeling what this cute but kind thuggish looking Domme and I was certain that she wasn't going to be cool with the fact that I'm Pagan. We started talking and I ended up learning a ton about folk magic from her. In the end, turned out she was trying to make me her other woman which pretty much prevented her from be Miss Perfect but that's a different post.  Also, try not to appear desperate. One unfortunate thing that I have seen FAR too much of amongst Black alts (at least around here) is because we are so few and far between folks kind of latch on and instead of coming off as charming, interesting and sexy they come off creepy, desperate, and extra CREEPY. I've had dudes think that a little bit of conversation and a few drinks mean they can stick their tongues down my throat because they don't like to "play around" (NO! At least ask.) You don't seem like that kind of individual but just a suggestion.