i was in pretty much a nonstop crisis of conscious from 28 to about 30, i would say.
At the time, it was bad.....in the sense that it hit me hard like a ton of bricks the full extent to which i'd wasted A LOT of time being severely focused on the wrong shit, and the fact that i'd gotten caught up like a dummy in the street life for so many years began to REALLY bite me in the ass.
Plus, i began to feel the repercussions of all the abuse i had dished out to my own spirit, mind and body for so long, and i realized that while i had earned much credibility and respect in the underground subcultural worlds i'm a part of, the reality was that i had next to none in the so-called "legit" straight world, and that i was gonna have to adapt and shift worldviews considerably, or else be headed straight to a life of perpetual poverty, depression, destitution, despair, failure, and total exclusion from the world (to an extent i would have zero pretence of control over).
But now, a month shy of turning 34, i'm GOOD. i went through a bit of a cranky old man phase during 31-32, until i realized this year that i'm still very much a young man with a lot that's still ahead of me. The fact that i've invested much time in bettering my health and wellbeing, developing a much more disciplined and responsible mindset, and bettering myself professionally and education-wise has really paid off. The quality of my relationships and friendships has jumped sky high, and generally speaking, i like the path that i'm on.
But it's been tough as hell too. i've had to make a ton of sacrifices (one of the hardest ones being my decision to put aside my music career and focus instead on school), i have had to take some losses and endure some hardcore tests of faith along the way, i've had to cut a shitload of people off, and i have had to face the fact that no matter how much i value things like economic stability and certain comforts in life, the reality is that the world is not a stable place for the likes of me and you, and no matter how good i get at playing certain parts of the game, i am not a mainstream-type of dude in the slightest, i hate all that "their" world represents more than ever, and there are certain types of environments where i am just plain miserable and where it ain't worth my while to even try fitting in, cuz it's just plain contrary to my nature.
But that's cool. Soon people like us will all emerge as the victors. We've all been sleeping on the floor for so long that we don't have to worry about falling out the bed, cuz either we never had a bed for long or never had one to fall out of in the first place.
Thanks for the responses! I just lately have been feeling like I am SO FAR AWAY from what I really want to be doing with my life in several areas. I also feel isolated because things could be so much worse I feel like I should just shut up and color but dammit I'm tired. Really tired. I've always been able to work things out up till now but I am running out of ideas for positive change/exploration/diversion.