Over 30, single and afropunk.

What is it like to try and have a relationship over 30?

Add being a nonlinear type of POC and what happens?

Do you find that you struggle more than say your 'straight' or 'mainstream' counterparts?

If you are single now, how much longer do you see it going on?

How do you view marriage in relation to your afropunkness.

SPEAK!

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by lyfenlyn on April 23, 2009 at 1:30pm

I think most people have this perception that if you are over 40 then there is no way you aren't desperate to get married. I'm sure she thought she had a sure thing when she went out with you, and when you just wanted to chill it killed her plans.

Zachary said:

I am 41 and recently single (alarm bells) I have no intention of getting into the whole this is my partner/ girlfriend/ sig other etc. Is it possible to just hang with people of the oposite sex and just hang. If anything happens fine but hell just to hang with no adgenda . Just had a conversation with a woman last week who took offence to the fact that I did not want a girl friend but having coffee and just chiiling is cool enough for me. She was a tad aggresive about the whole deal. Crazy. Is this a feesable existance.

Permalink Reply by lyfenlyn on April 23, 2009 at 1:31pm

What's up with yall? Us? 3 years is about the mark when men get lazy, start taking for granted and really stopping dead with the romance and passion completely. Then you wonder why we stop having sex with yall.

Afrotechnica said:

Marriage is for the birds. Done it twice both were disappointments. In the first one, we were really compatible. Loved CLub 688 and Metroplex in the Atlanta punk scene. We had a ball for three years. That's usaully the window when married stop having sex with their husbands :(
Why is that?
What's up with y'all?

Permalink Reply by lyfenlyn on April 23, 2009 at 1:32pm

The one who steps up to the plate with the right qualities and disposition.

Afrotechnica said:

"the right man" Who might that be?

lyfenlyn said:
I have always struggled when it came to dating so not doing it now isn't a big shocker. I am in the most joyless suburban wasteland ever right now, so I find it hard to just happen crossed men that capture my imagination on a day to day.

I think I have been trying to take a proactive approach but with dismal results, but at least I can say I am trying. My gay friends are about 50/ 50. Some are in relationships and most are not. I have more friends with kids than married or partnered so I don't stick out like a sore thumb or anything.

I think marriage would be awesome with the right man.

Permalink Reply by X-D-D-M*9 on June 30, 2009 at 6:02pm

Pretty much. I'm about to let this one woman in her early 30's who I believe has me wrong and thinks she's slick that i'm only trying to chill and I'm sure she won't dig that. Oh well...

lyfenlyn said:

I think most people have this perception that if you are over 40 then there is no way you aren't desperate to get married. I'm sure she thought she had a sure thing when she went out with you, and when you just wanted to chill it killed her plans.

Zachary said:
I am 41 and recently single (alarm bells) I have no intention of getting into the whole this is my partner/ girlfriend/ sig other etc. Is it possible to just hang with people of the oposite sex and just hang. If anything happens fine but hell just to hang with no adgenda . Just had a conversation with a woman last week who took offence to the fact that I did not want a girl friend but having coffee and just chiiling is cool enough for me. She was a tad aggresive about the whole deal. Crazy. Is this a feesable existance.

Permalink Reply by YamiNoSensei on November 5, 2009 at 12:12am

At age 47 I'm doing the "dating" thing for the first time in my life, and I have to say I don't care for it much. Going on dates reminds me of going to job interviews... such an unnatural situation! I never really "dated" when I was younger, just always seemed to end up with someone from whatever scene I was into at the time... that's where both of my husbands came from. Earlier this year I ended a two-year serious relationship; before that I'd been solitary for 6 years after leaving my 2nd hubby. Husband-hunting has never really been me... but it was nice having someone special in my life for those two years, and I'm at a point where stability looks really good. So now I'm dating, and I guess I am ultimately looking for "Mr. Right". Or Mr. & Mrs. Right; I'd love to be part of a FMF triad.

Being "nonlinear" definitely makes it harder, 'cos it's difficult for me to get past my deeply ingrained distrust of "mainstream" types. I'm working on being less prejudiced but it's not easy! And there aren't a lot of unattached people out there who share even some of my eclectic interests & whatnot. But really, I think many of the issues are common to anyone who's single at this age: Why has this dude never been married at age 40+? Why has this one been married four times? Do I really want to get into a LTR with someone who has young children?
On the other hand, there are some good points about being single over 40. I know what I want from a partner/relationship and am not afraid to say "sorry, ain't feelin' it" if it isn't there. I know how to express my own needs and feelings, and am certainly way more sensitive to those of a partner (I cringe to think how selfish I was in my 20s, especially during my first marriage).
Outgrowing the unfortunate taste for serious biker & metal types has been helpful, too!