Sex After 30

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by CaliforniaAfrican on December 13, 2009 at 1:37am

Am I getting old? I ain't had none in over a week! Tonight, I felt tired. Last Saturday, we went out dancing. I wore this outfit that was bangin. We get home, we strip, and I fall asleep. I was tired after dancin to all that funk the band played. Monday night, big parent meeting/dinner, too tired. Tuesday night, basketball game at my school, too tired. Wednesday night, Winter Concert at my school, way too tired to get some. Thursday night, another frickin basketball game, ain't givin none. Friday night, just too tired. Tonight, big birthday party at the skating rink for our daughter, came home, both of us jumped in the shower, got all moisturized, fell asleep in each other's arms. lol Now, I'm awake. He's asleep. *sigh* Am I getting too old to fuck even when I'm tired? Damn.

Permalink Reply by X-D-D-M*9 on December 13, 2009 at 10:41am

^^^ sounds like you're both too tired for anything with your hectic schedules which is understandable.

I started having sex in my 20's; I was too shy & awkward in my teens. As frustrated as I was in high school, it worked better for me in the end because I understood more about myself, women, and sex from observation. I had fun getting sexual experience at this stage.

By the time I hit my 30's, I had been told (and I was ignorant enough to believe for a nanosecond) that my best sexual years had past. Ha ha, boy was I freakin' wrong. At this point i was running into more adventurous women and had some life / intimate episodes which made for some great times. My 'sex ed' of the past made me more confident and daring and put me often in the teacher mode which was different from my 20's where I was an attentive student dealing with more experienced women.

And let me clear up some bullcrap I believed back then: no sex does not get worse (for me at least) after 30. It actually got BETTER. And I'm not selling some "wait until" or "y'all young'ns don't know nuthin' " rubbish. For me, I had more stamina and better all-around action which I can't fully explain. Maybe it's because I started "late" and had less experience than those who began early. I'm sure there are many out there who started in their earlier youth who have been going strong through their 90's. My friends and family clown me about how I'm "making up for lost time" in my teens which is probably true. I was in better all-around health in my 20's but sex improved for me in my 30's, go figure. Probably experience and self-esteem had more to do with it.

So everything went well up until I stopped cold nearly 2 1/2 years ago. So I've never had intercourse in my 40's (so far)...

Permalink Reply by Kemet on December 13, 2009 at 2:38pm

Yes, please!!! :-D

Permalink Reply by Brig Feltus on December 13, 2009 at 7:22pm

in my personal estimation, it definitely gets better with age, experience, wisdom, and relieving yourself (pardon the pun) of the cliches. the best lover you will ever have is one who has something deeper than what attracts you superficially. that sounds cliche but people ignore this for most of their youth. they go for what cute and easy. with experience comes the truth that all that superficial stuff is smoke and mirrors. most of those who look the part of a good lover, are not necessarily good lovers at all.
i believe that as you get older you begin to explore deeper sources in the quest for satisfaction. when that happens, then it's truly jumping off!
as for schedules, being tired, and other life priorities... isn't that ironic, that we don't think to have our priorities straight when we are young so that when we're older life will be easier and we can throw inhibitions to the wind? but life happens as it happens, people get tired, and sometimes, especially if you're in a long term situation with someone, you have to keep your creativity and personal growth going so that you have something new to keep it interesting.
pssst... i am 44. the hottest sex i've ever had has happened in the last 3 years. hot enough that i cannot elaborate further than to say, i have "arrived". the idea that i could have had that in my 20's??? i would not have been able to receive it. it would have been waaaaaay over my head emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. somebody would have gotten hurt and it probably would have been me.

Permalink Reply by X-D-D-M*9 on December 16, 2009 at 8:23pm

^^^ Truth about wanting something deeper than what's "cute & easy" when you're young. I can't wait to get out of the desert and get my 40's rolling.

Permalink Reply by Compound Egret on December 16, 2009 at 9:38pm

A week isn't really a long period of time in the larger scheme of things. Keep the lines of communication open and express the feelings you did in this thread to your husband. Enjoy yourself and don't damage any chandeliers.

Permalink Reply by CaliforniaAfrican on December 19, 2009 at 10:49pm

Compound, you're right. We only have one chandelier.

I notice that as a woman who is now in my 40's, sex has gotten better. I don't have the same fears and inhibitions that I had as a 20 something woman. I'm not trying to break any records and have nothing to prove. We take our time now. We enjoy the time before and after sex so much more than before, when we were young and wild. Perhaps it is because I've been having sex with the same person for over 14 years now, that I feel so comfortable. I actually tried things this year that I've never done before. Sex after 30 has been great because I feel more of a complete person. I feel like I know who I really am. This is me. I'm 41 and I like to fuck. lol During love making, I still see myself floating up on a cloud, just like when I was in my 20's. The experience is so rooted in who we are together. No insecurities. Just love.

Permalink Reply by Scotty Swan on January 15, 2010 at 5:34am

i think once i started to pay attention & ask questions & tried shit out ,that's when it got better..i was doing my thing in my teens & i started to be more open about trying new shit in my 20's but as soon as i hit my "dirty" 30's & i knew where all the hots pots were & stayed uh.."down there" longer ..I got all sorts of little tricks that I have been doing that seem to work pretty lovely ..shiiiit."Girls can't freak me,I'm just too nasty!"

Permalink Reply by YamiNoSensei on June 11, 2010 at 4:51pm

Way better... especially since I turned 40 and magically started doing the squirt thing. I think it's having reached the "DGAF" point, where I'm not worrying about how I look in action... and knowing how to ask for what I want... and being intuitive enough to know what my partners want. I was a little freak when I was younger... but I definitely leveled up when I hit 40 and so far it just keeps getting better!

Permalink Reply by Boombats on June 13, 2010 at 12:51pm

We do most of our boning in the mornings whereas back in the day we managed to stay up late enough to bone at night

Permalink Reply by JamadianUK on June 30, 2010 at 6:55am

I'm doing the celibate train,nearly 2yrs and the heat is playing with my mind lol.

I come from a really sexually liberated and open family. Getting older means getting much more and no shame. My Grandparents are in their 70's and 80's. I'll stop right there.

Permalink Reply by dj ceiba on June 30, 2010 at 9:38am

i was inna relationship/married to one person throughout my 20's. i came into my marriage as a sexual amateur & came out a semi-pro (conservatively). i say this because of the reaction that i was getting from women in the WILD interim period before i linked with my new partner & something my ex-wife told me :). i guess it was from the repetition & finding out what really pleases a woman & listening to her needs & incorporating that into my style. from talking to other men about this, i learned that many men don't "bring their "a-game" to women that they have sex with casually (as i'd learned to with my wife). many women i had sex with after i divorced in my 30's (i assume) were used to the smash and dash approach. some became uncomfortably attached to me too quickly & pointed to the way i "made love" to them to justify their feelings & were CERTAIN that i shared their love. which i didn't. it was just how i knew how to do it.

my current partner is great in bed (AND emotionally stable) & we get it in. however right now, we place a lot less emphasis on sex because we've just had our first child & she shares the bed with us. both of us are usually exhausted at night, anyway. the newest sport around here is trying to squeeze in quickies during the kid's nap in the daytime if i'm around. it's a fun challenge that brings a type of intensity to sex because we gotta make it good onna time crunch - you never know when the kid'll wake up (CAN YOU FEEL ME PARENTS?). sometimes it's tough to keep my lady focused on getting her orgasm(s) FIRST before she runs with leaky breasts, sweaty & often, still cumming to find out the child's need when she hears ANY sounds coming from the other room. parenthood.

it's a beautiful thing, though & i wouldn't trade any of those experiences (marriage & divorce/bachelor 2.0/current relationship + daughter) for anything.