When did you "stop fucking around" and get your shit together?

Assuming you've done that, LOL. I know I haven't. I turn 33 on Friday and I think I'd rather get nailed to a cross than quit goofing off, but shit man I need the grown-up ducats and a distinguishable career path. So, tell me about it.

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Permalink Reply by YamiNoSensei on October 30, 2009 at 11:42am

I started trying in my mid-30s, didn't really pull it together until I was almost 40. Being an aimless fuckup is all well & good when you're young, but just pathetic by the time you're pushing middle age. Not to mention you start needing reliable health care after a couple decades of self abuse via aimless-fuckuphood!

Permalink Reply by Nick Macklin on October 31, 2009 at 2:43pm

Shit man, I feel ya on this topic.
I'm turning 31 in December and I'm the only cat out of the guys I grew up with that don't have kids, a car, a wife (or an ex-wife) and I still don't really understand how a "home owners loan" works. It fucks with me harder than even I myself can understand. I wonder somtimes if I'll die alone and sometimes I wonder if I might actually deserve to die alone when I look back on my life.............Then I wondered if it was time to quit drinking. So a week ago I quit cold-turkey. Started going to meetings, hanging with the other sober musicians, eating twice a day and saving money. That's right, SAVING MONEY!! I was soooo excited and the future looked bright. Ya see: I've been playing in bars since I was 14y/o and working in them off and on since I was 17y/o so being surrounded by drugs and booze has never been more more out of the ordinary than , say, a secretary with coffee breath. It's just the background static of the life I used to. So there I was. Sober for the first time in my life and then......HALLOWEEN COMES AROUND. I have a side project called BEER which as far as we can tell is the worlds only FEAR cover band and this year we did a house party at one of those squatter/party houses that aren't too different from the kinds of houses I lived in when I was younger. They're always filled with sweaty floors, dirty kids, pets with no particular master, booze, cocaine, weed and crappy PAsystems. They also have my particular favorite addiction: drunk punk rock grrrrrrls between the age of 18-22y/o!! The worst part was was that I was in the squatter scene almost 10years ago so I got REALLY HAPPY GO-LUCKY when I saw tons of drunk punk-rock girls between the age of 18-22y/o who MADE UP THE ENTIRE RACIAL DIASPORA!!! Asian ones, latin ones, black ones (redbone, black-berry and Haile-berry) and all those rock'a'billy redheads with the tattoos all over their sweaty cleavages. Needless to say I got drunker than a poet on pay day.

I'm still a kid it feels like. I love it usually but somtimes I notice I'm the last one at the party if ya'know what I mean. I ain't getting any younger. Everyday my back hurts a little more, I get the shakes, my stomach is an ulcerous wreck and I'm balding slowly but WAAAAAY too quick for your truly. The kids at my shows keep getting younger and younger and my neices, nephews and God-children keep getting older and older and older. 2years ago I hooked up with a friend and her son who I lived with back in the 90's. Back then he was an infant........now he's taller and stronger than me!!! I just don't understand.

Oh well, one day at a time.

Permalink Reply by Rosenda on October 31, 2009 at 3:22pm

I know the feeling Nick. I thought I had my shit together but really.....in the past several months, I realized that I just let shit fall into place on its own up til now. That was fine up until the last few years, but I was so lazy about it, I didn't notice that there was nothing of my own specific intentions or goals in my life. I'll probably never totally "grow up" but I think that's just my personality.

What I mean now is I can't let my life "just happen". I have to be deliberate about everything. And that is fucking harder than I realized. I'm still gonna do it and I still am, one day at a time, Nick, exactly as you say that. Good luck.

As for feeling you don't blend with the rest of your age group......I know I never will totally. But I dont blend with the real young folks either, and I do recall Rant telling me that I must learn to see that unique place and state of mind I have as an ADVANTAGE.

Permalink Reply by dj ceiba on January 25, 2010 at 4:34am

bro. first of all give thanks you're not a robot like the most of the people in our age group. why, i'll bet you still got that burning look in your eyes that straight people can't bear to see. it's a gift, a mark of greatness - & all of us here have it.

now calling my shit is "together" may be a misnomer; but i can say things function a lot smoother now than ever before & i did it in stages. all of the stages have to do with me removing myself from negative external influences. as those influences ceased to have meaning in my life, i've built a clearer relationship with myself. in knowing myself, i found out what i REALLY want in life and i've uncovered the courage to go hard at it EVERY DAY.

as far as $$ & a career, those things USUALLY come from skills. if you don't have any, get some. if you do, build on them & make them unassailable. once you have a set of world class skills & a plan to use them, the world will open to you in ways you never imagined. focusing your mind is a skill like any other. personally, i'm concerned with health, wealth and self knowledge, not death, poverty & ignorance. focus your mind & spirit on your needs & you'll get all that you need & some of what you want, too.

1 perfect love

Permalink Reply by Brig Feltus on January 29, 2010 at 3:48pm