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.................... You ask me if I’m happy and what do you get? You get a smile and the response that I am. Andthis is true in any turn of the phrase. But if you ask meif I’m content you might seethat smile drop to, at best, the deep look of soul searching ponderingand, atworst, a numb, constricting ache thatseems to asphyxiate ones hopes and dreams. I now believe the mid life crisis is the product of the acceptance of this lack-of-hope feeling into themind ofthe disheartened. Even if person is instilledwith a dogma to never give in or up, the loss of this hope makes lifelifeless. You then just exist instead ofappreciating the holiness of the opportunity we have been given. Areality that we can only explain in tangibleconstructs made of numbers and equations while at the same time, beingunableto remove the unexplainable magic that surrounds us or that has beeninexorablywoven into the tapestry of our existence. Sothenthe question remaining is have I been disheartened?No. But I am afraid of it; afraid of losing that curiosity. I don’t want to be that orfeel that. I want to be able to stepback from myself and still feel happy about what I see and the directionI seeit moving in. I want to retain thatcuriosity that they say is childlike because I don’t think it ischildlike atall. That feeling doesn’t correlate withage, but with innocence. I think thattype of curiosity is full of heart and hope that has yet to succumb totheconstriction of life’s temperament. That curiosity has yet to besubjugated to themental recesses in the mounting shadow of the fears of being the peoplewe are. Pure curiosity!I am still very curious. I love life and I enjoy it thoroughly. However, I can imagine aday, and a path of life that could take me to a place where that will bedifferent. Every day I live withoutmoving toward my dreams, is a step on that path emotional obedience. Every wrong step I take is potentially astep on that path to spiritual death.The end of a decade. I almost don’t want to welcome the next decade out of the fear of me losing my spark. At the same time when I look to the future my flame of curiosityburnsbright through the endless possibilities of being. For nowthat flame far outshines the darknessof doubt that looms in my head. I praythis always is. Hello 2010. I’ve beenwaiting.See More