Another year has ended. Yep. BW just recently passed into its third year on June 9th. I am still surprised it is still around. To be honest, it has not been an easy year to keep up things and it pretty much, personally, became a year of disappointments and being slowed down to the point I couldn’t achieve major goals for the column/blog. I’m glad people are reading and interacting but I’ve been slipping. I haven’t been on time with the Afro-Punk side of Black Witch (even this column is late), I think for the AP version of “Bedknobs and Broomsticks” I didn’t look at any of the comments, I don’t even know how many are there. I’ve been shrinking away from dialogue and instead caught myself trying to make another cardboard fortress, so to speak, for a few months so far.
Words by Black Witch
I really hate to look as if I’m incapable but what’s been happening during the year has mainly been personal issues, primarily deep seated mental issues, which have been wiping out everything and getting worse as time goes on. For example, anxiety issues ramped to the point I couldn’t look at comments, regardless how many times I said “Oh, I’ll look at them today. They have got to be responded to.” Hours turned into days and days into weeks and so on and so forth. Even if I did respond, I wouldn’t be back. I’ve just very recently reached a breaking point with my issues so I’m currently getting them corrected since I’ve been needing to do this for a very, very long time and it’s getting to the point where I am missing genuine opportunities to propel myself and Black Witch forward.
Now, this doesn’t mean that the column/blog is going to be shut down due to my issues. That’s why I’m getting help, so it doesn’t get to that point. I know, usually when a blogger or a writer of some sort says something along the line of “Oh hai, I haz personal issues but it won’t affect nuffin, just wanna let y’all know”, it’s pretty much the prelude to seeing a “This user has deleted their blog” screen by surprise one day or you plain don't ever see them again but to restate, I’m trying to make sure that doesn’t happen, hence why I’m reaching out for once and getting help, something I don’t commonly do. Besides, it didn’t shut down this time last year and I was heavily suicidal to the point I made a couple attempts and was even sent somewhere. Plus, I had to live elsewhere for a while enable to stave off the beached emotions and despite that, still all the postings were regular while dealing. I’m simply trying to make sure those moments don’t come back, for which they’ve tried and even gotten worse in the process.
Now, given that I’m identifying that I have personal/mental issues, it isn’t a bad thing. So if anyone is thinking, “Ha, the fact she think she’s a Witch is driving her crazy”, I’ve had these issues always, most of them from when I was heavily Christian (meaning, I've had some of these issues since I was a kid). Besides, everyone has issues, I’m just more comfortable with discussing mine, because, well, everyone’s got problems.
The BW Meet and Greet still happened, tho. There might be another in the future but when I get better. I want to get a BW vol. 2 out and revamp vol. 1 but those also have to wait until I get better. I will be going to the Afro-Punk Festival this year (I'm very excited to see Straight Line Stitch and Janelle Monae on the bill and I look forward to meeting Erykah Badu) and I'll actually be at Otakon, Baltimore's anime convention, too. I'm part of the local lolita community so that's where you'll find me unless I cosplay Lil' Slugger from Paranoia Agent. And I'll be walking around Artscape, too. That's all for now.
Black Witch posts monthly on Afro-Punk but every Friday on the external site: Black Witch