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Black Witch On Relationships: Stick a Fork in it

There are those who have relationships that are on life support or total corpses and these folks wanna use stones, herbs and/or candles to bring the relationship back to life. Boy, are these folks the depressive sort.

By: The Black Witch, Contributor

The thing about relationships and magick is that, although magick is boundless and there is no such thing as impossible, it shouldn’t be used to provide a dying relationship CPR. If mundane actions such as communicating or interacting with each other in an equal manner couldn’t save the relationship, I highly doubt rocks and candles would.

Think about it, magick is to provide help with life, not live it for you. If a person has to rely on stones that help fidelity, candles that increase passion or herbs that creates irresistibility to keep a relationship alive or going, it's time to consider pulling the plug. A relationship should be of two people who actually care and enjoy each other's friendship to the point they feel romantic emotions. The love should be from deep down inside, not based on anything superficial. To be looking towards magick does say that one person at least wants the relationship to go well but also telling that there are some deep cracks in the relationship that’s probably going to ultimately kill it if not actually identified. Instead of working on clearing up the symptoms, work on the illness. And this is to say nothing of the fact that these metaphysical works do have to be recharged to keep going, they’re not permanent.

In my experience, when asking the inquirers about their relationships and why they are looking for whatever it is that they are, it really does seems like there are deeper problems that no bell, book or candle could solve on its own. If there’s no solving the problem that is starting all the issues, there’s no point. Assuming there is an issue and not a bad case of paranoia.

There are folks who are simply not cut out for relationships because they have so many issues with themselves that bleed into their interactions. They don’t trust others, they believe every negative stereotype about the gender they date, haven’t truly healed from past hurts, there’s a variety of reasons why these folks should take a break from relationships but they don’t. Instead they rather buy all these things that won’t help the relationship because it can’t help the person having the messed up ideas. If a person is forever suspicious of their significant other cheating despite the significant other not doing anything suspicious nor has a background in being unfaithful, there’s no magick in the world that could help the relationship and keep it afloat because the problem is not the relationship but one of the people in the relationship. It may seem easier to buy a candle and ask it to provide emotional security in the relationship but, trust, it’s a lot better to talk to the significant other and make sure everyone is on the same page.

Then there’s the fact that some do not understand – or want to understand – that the problem could be with them or the type of people they prefer to date. If a person consistently dates the cheating type, the problem isn’t necessarily the person they date (although, anyone who is a cheating type is certainly problematic), it’s them themselves because it’s their choice to get involved with such a person. This person, instead of looking within themselves and going “Hm, why do I keep going for these types?” would rather be stalking around a metaphysical shop trying to find black salt, various stones, candles, whatever to thwart any possible sneaking about their lover could be doing. And it’s a real doozy if they finally found one who actually is faithful because this person will have it so deep in their head that all wo/men cheat and thus that significant other will be treated the same. This person (and note I never called them a “witch” or anything that signifies dedicated metaphysical practice because usually it’s not a Witch but a dabbler) will probably never get it through their head that magick will not solve the problem. If anything, it may even exacerbate the drama and ultimate death of it.

As I have mentioned earlier, I have had the experience of talking to these folks as they stood there sifting through whatever 7 day candle looks most ominous and as I tried to be the voice of reason. If it’s for suspicions of cheating, I would ask, “Are you sure?”, “If you’re sure that this is a constant problem, why stay?”, “Have you guys had a sit-down discussion, do you really think magick is needed?” If it’s for lack of communication, I would ask “Does s/he know how you feel about this?”, “Have you guys actually talked?As in, you both are being totally honest, being blunt and all?”, “You are aware that this is a bag of rocks and not an automatic truth serum you’re buying, right?” When it’s dealing with a person who has a money drain lover, it’s “Okay, have you thought about separate accounts so they can drain themselves and you don’t bail them out? They can't play Wall St. forever”, “If this person is bad with money, have you told them?”, “These money spells you wanna cast won’t work if there’s a hole in the cup of fortune and it’s going to take more than magick to make someone decent with finances. Have you thought of dragging them to a finance seminar? The library has free programs.” No matter what, they are pretty much never deterred. They believe that magick is the silver bullet to their relationship when it really isn’t. Instead, these are problems where the person should think if it’s worth keeping their significant other around or not.

Now, all this is different from mutual rituals that are declarations and confirmations of love. Those can also involve herbs, stones and candles that symbolizes strengthened love, increased passion and things of that nature but they’re used as a supplement instead of as the defibrillator. There’s nothing wrong to have stones, herbs or candles that symbolize happiness and good fortune on the relationship, that’s what marriages are essentially, but the issue here is that these materials are not often used in this fashion.

The most outstanding problem of all this, once everything else is stripped away, is that it impinges on controlling others through magick, always a bad idea. These folks are not trying to really help the relationship through magick but fix it to their liking. It should be simple, if you don’t like the person you’re dating or they’re doing a deal-breaker, the relationship should come to a halt. No one is perfect, that’s fact, but no one should put up with dating people they don’t like either. Of course, it’s never that easy in every relationship but things shouldn’t get so bad that magick is sought out to help the problem. This is a spot where magick should not be needed because it’s a mundane issue. Everyone has relationship hiccups and no one has to practice the occult to remedy them, anyone who thinks that clearly should stay away from dating (and the occult) as a whole.

It’s important to use as little magick (to none at all) in the basic runnings of a relationship. A relationship should have intrinsic value, it should mean something sincere to the people in it. That can’t be faked through magick and if magick was used to make love happen where there isn’t, it could definitely produce a lot of problems from creating an obsessive love to a forever tumultuous relationship that’s hard to leave. It’s just too easy to complicate things with magick, especially a relationship.

Besides, if the significant other is this much of a problem, don’t use magick to change them, just dump the fool already.

 

Black Witch is monthly on Afro-Punk but weekly on Wordpress! Check it out here. Want more Black Witch?

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As always, I take questions for Ask Black Witch, which are at the end of the month on the Black Witch site.

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Tags: advice, black, relationships, witch

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Comment by R E Lee on January 16, 2013 at 3:24pm

this advice works as well with one's relationship with oneself.  

in that relationship dumping is NOT an option.  Healing is the only way to go


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