endings

I remember those films with the central character who's an outcast, then suddenly the popular kid is interested in them. Not circa she's all that. More like circa Carrie. The hot guy takes Carrie to the prom only to dump a bucket of pigs blood on her. Little does he or anyone know that she has super powers, she kills everyone involved in the stunt. Yay for Carrie for having super powers when someone has wronged her for absolutely no reason.

My situation feels more like a beauty contestant that has won the pageant and is being chauffered through the streets on the back of a convertable, with her crown atop her head, opra length gloves waving at the cheering crowd, only to be assasinated by a single bullet to the chest.

I went throught all 5 stages of grief..

1-Denial- I know this mo fo aint actin like this.
2-Anger--I wished I knew thugs who broke kneecaps.
3-Bargaining- I swear I will never do this again.
4-Depression-This sucks.
5-Acceptance- Whatever, fuck that dude.

There was one more at the end. Pity. I truly pity this person. It's just sad that someone is so worthless in their own life that they have to resort to trickery and lies to get what they want. I take responsibilty for my missteps in the sitation, but regardless of any hasty mistakes I made, I didn't deserve this. I spent 4 days going through the motions. I stayed home yesterday and read and prayed and cleansed my house literal and spiritual top to bottom. I was quiet, and meditiative. I may be that way for the rest of the month to make sure my peace has returned. Things definately have to change for the better from here on out.