Intolerance in the natural hair community

“I know there’s a need for discussion about the self-esteem issues, cultural stereotypes and pigeon holes. But we should all check ourselves for any degree of intolerance that may be influencing our attitudes in these discussions. Diversity of opinion benefits everyone and is necessary to avoid group thinking.”

Intolerance in the natural hair community
By G G, Contributing Writer for BGLHonline

When I discovered the natural hair community online, I felt as if I’d been living under a rock. Where had I been?? With all of the resources and testimonials available online, I probably would have gone natural long ago had I discovered all of this information sooner. With that said, I’m glad that I didn’t tune in until I was at the end of my transition. My decision was completely self-involved and uninfluenced. That is important to me because my journey was very personal and linked to a significant change in my outlook on life.

Once I came out of my cave and tapped into the network of natural hair resources online, I saw that I wasn’t the only one experiencing this liberating change in perspective. I read stories about women like me who were becoming more self-aware and confident as they transitioned or big chopped. To my dismay, I also saw many women using the relaxed vs. natural debate as a way to cast judgment and label each other. At one extreme, some natural hair advocates believe that black women who relax their hair are unevolved and don’t love themselves. At the other extreme, you have relaxed black women who view natural hair and the women who rock it as unsophisticated and unkempt.

School Daze, anyone?

Just like light skin vs dark skin, skinny vs full-figured, and the haves vs the have-nots, we have let hate creep in to distract and divide us as if there is just one definition of beauty. It’s just hair. It’s just an accessory that God have us to play with while we are in these bodies. We can use it to express ourselves or not. We can relax it, weave it, curl it, or not. In the big scheme of things, when we look back on how we lived our lives, whether we were relaxed or natural won’t matter. We are all complex human beings whose experiences lead us in different directions. While I associate my journey to natural with my journey to personal enlightenment, this is not the case for everyone…and that’s OK.

I don’t intend to play down the significant impact of the hair debate on women in the black community. I am aware of the implications and deep rooted emotions. I know there’s a need for discussion about the self-esteem issues, cultural stereotypes and pigeon holes. But we should all check ourselves for any degree of intolerance that may be influencing our attitudes in these discussions. Diversity of opinion benefits everyone and is necessary to avoid group thinking. As women of color, we are all shades, textures and sizes of beautiful and our capacity to be open-minded with each other will only make us a stronger force in the world.

So, while I want my two daughters to feel beautiful with their hair in its natural state, I also want them to know that they have choices. They can wear their hair however they want and still be authentic and beautiful. I don’t want them to define themselves by anything but character. All tangible things like hair, clothes, skin, shape – the things that define beauty for many people – are guaranteed to pass away. We should enjoy what we’ve been blessed with and have fun with it while we have it. Our preoccupation with the physical will only result in egotistical thinking which is counter intuitive to inner beauty and sisterhood.

For more natural hair related issues and topics, visit Black Girls Long Hair online.

Tags: afro-punk, black girl long hair, intolerance, natural hair

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Comment by jihad.jones on October 4, 2010 at 12:08am: Beautifully written.

Comment by Sheree Monay on September 16, 2010 at 9:50am: "I also want them to know that they have choices. They can wear their hair however they want and still be authentic and beautiful."

This is a perfect summary of how everyone should view their hair. It's YOUR'S! God given. Wear it as you like.

Comment by MentalOrgasm on September 9, 2010 at 12:57am: I have been completely natural for nearly a year now, and I am a big advocate against perming and destroying your hair. I never got into perming, but I use to press my hair religiously and relentlessly. I don't look down on my sisters for perming their hair, but I am saddened by it. The fact is that most that do it, do hate their natural hair. They consider straight hair to be "good" hair. There are those that even cut off their natural, long, curly hair just to get sewn in, straight weave. Hair is not "just hair." It's a part of you. And hair is an important issue for women of any race, but not every race of women has been taught that their hair is ugly, foul, wild, and "bad." All women aren't subject to the same kind of brainwashing and taught self-hatred that us black women are. It is definitely ones choice if they want to process it or want it natural, but I agree with @Garrison. The question is "Why?" Why do you prefer straight hair? Furthermore, why is it that you would actually risk injuring yourself just to have straight hair? Why do you destroy your hair just to obtain straight hair?

Comment by Garrison on September 8, 2010 at 6:00pm: I try not to judge My People on why they straighten their hair right away I usually try and find out why they do it. But just as it is my choice to keep my hair natural, it is their choice to keep their own straight. But why would they WANT it straight? Thats a question that I ask Sistas AND Brothas when I can.

Comment by Genoa on September 7, 2010 at 11:14am: Hair is a very important discussion for women of any race. Many times how we define ourselves or see ourselves has to do with the "condition" of our hair.

I've been natural, relaxed, dreadlocked, bald and everything in between. It's only hair.

The best thing about black hair, is it's versatility. That's what makes a head of hair..... "good hair."

Comment by Kelly Chinaski! on September 7, 2010 at 3:28am: I've been free of the creamy crack since 2001 and I have encountered the 'good hair/bad hair' debate on more than one occasion. I just say that I enjoy the freedom of scratching my scalp or getting my hair wet without the stress. I'm feeling India Arie when she sings, 'I am not my hair,' and if that's one's issue with me than they're not worth my conversation...

Comment by Kodachi on September 4, 2010 at 12:32pm: This was a great read! There's so much Black hair politics, it can drive anyone up a wall. If you perm, you think you're "White", if you keep it natural, you're "too Black". It's a struggle on top of your head because the hair you wear defines you sadly. There's benefits to both and negatives to both but it's good you don't want to nail the stigma of both sides in your daughters heads. That simply wouldn't be healthy.