Alright, I've been involved in all kinds of drama for who knows how long that I haven't spent a sec online. I fucking moved out of a dissolving marriage and a nice apt in the middle of nowhere to my own place in the middle of a small city that doesn't register on the map. Don't care...not right now. I've been anxious to jump into another relationship and I've not been doing so well with that. Add in the anit-depressant pills and the alcohol and you would think I was a mess. Naw. I'm adjusting, except for the constant skirt-chasing, I'm doing pretty well. I haven't failed out of college yet. I'm wrangling my mind into submission like a cowboy hogtying a coked-up pig. I've also been fighting alienation, misanthropic feelings and self-loathing thru my constant moshing to symphonic black metal nonetheless. Does that sound like that makes sense? Probably not, but it should. I've been venting and getting all that negative shit out without getting into fights. And I have a lot of emotional chemistry going on. Sexual frustration... and deep-seeded angst. I accidentally bumped into the guy my ex cheated with in counseling. Wonderful. That was a trip, and that happened last week. Point is it has been an emotional rollercoaster and my self-esteem and image has been along for the ride, but now I'm getting to the point that I'm starting to numb out and stop giving a fuck about what people think about me anymore. And that's the way it should be. So what if I don't have a million friends? So what if the chicks aren't coming for my handsome mug? After so many years of living and dying by what people think of me will I make a change this year? Will 2009 be the year I finally take control and be assertive? We'll see. At least I'm being honest with myself. I think that's the only person that deserves to receive my genuine honesty.
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