My Dirty Laundry: He Jack Rabbits?

Say, Afro Punk. It’s Dorian again. Since my last entry, a lot of things have happened in my life. I have moved out of New Orleans to pseudo-bumfuck Louisiana to a town called Lafayette. I have…shaved my head. I have also taken every last one of my Burlesque costumes and embellished them, which made me a slave to fringe, hot glue, and rhinestones for the past two weeks. I have sat and looked at the motherfuckin trees…because I know that about two months from now, I won’t see any, because I’ll be in Brooklyn, NY. I’ve reflected on a lot of shit that went down between me and other people in New Orleans.

Needless to say, I’ve got a hearty meal on my plate.

But it’s never too much for a bad ass superfly stunna such as myself. After the Valentine's Day fiasco, it was time to get laid.

When I first came to Lafayette, one of my friends, who is also an alternative model, sent me a picture of a fine-ass motherfucker who she said I should “pose” with. This brotha was fine as hell. Muscles pumped up like Maximus. Tattoos of these interesting mythological creatures up and down his arms and his back. A smile like a beacon. He looked like he could work that joystick like Atari. I felt that “bizzerp”( think “sippin on some sizzerp”, not burping) in my vagina that is characteristic of arousal, and I told her to sign a bitch up.

A few days later I was talking to my new roommate, who is also a photographer, and it turns out he had photographed this dude before and could hook me up with him. I felt it was a sign from the universe that his dick was to be mine! Conquest, mystery, and the chase. (It wasn’t even that serious, but I have to write “officially,” right?) So, my roommate passes my number along to him on the basis of being a model and “posing” with him, and he throws in a couple of good words.

(Like my pose?)

Coupla days go by and I get a phone call from an anonymous Louisiana phone number. I pick it up, and it’s the man! We talk for a few minutes and he finds me on Facebook so he can check me out. Obviously, he was impressed because he made a date with me that same night to meet up. So by then I’m all excited and I take a nap so I can get up later and get ready.

It’s 7:30 and we’re supposed to meet at 10:30. I’m bumpin Lady Gaga and getting in boss bitch mode, taking a shower and slathering on a facial mask so I can have that glow when he comes to get me.

8:00 I’m washing the mask off.

8:30 I’m cookin a small dinner.

8:57 Stuffin my face.

9:32 A good brush of the teeth and lotion application.

9:45 Hair and makeup.

10:15 Clothes.

10:30 I’m waiting in the computer chair, purse in hand, waiting to get picked up…

10:45 Maybe he’s on CP time…

11:00 No show, no call.

11:15 I’m pissed.

I carry my sweet-smelling, soft-skinned, glammed-out punk ass to sleep.

(but I was sooooo cute)

That Sunday, we ran into each other at our mutual friend’s house. We talked for a bit. He apologized. He was moderately dense and hard to hold a conversation with. But, what the hell..he was still fine and I had some negative energy to release, and I thought a good lay would help that.

So, that night we met up and it was way less than a fantasy. Not only did he not kiss, nor was he sensual, he jackrabbits. That’s all he does.

Well, aside from the Lexington Steele style dirty talk… (“ooh baby yo puzzie is so fuggin wet”..”yew like dat dick? HUH? HUHHHH?!”) I wanted to ask him “Nigga are you Mr. Marcus…cuz this ain’t Booty Talk”…

So, from this point on…I am consolidating my sexual energy through methods of Tantra and Yoga until I get to New York. Using this time to sort of cleanse myself of impurities in my sex life and decide what I really want and settle for nothing less. Now, I’m sure you guys are thinking” well damn, what the fuck are you gonna write about now?”

Think about how much more your mind would be on sex if you decided to abstain for two months…I think your freaky-deaky level would compound exponentially.

Until next time. Hotep.

Oh, and before I go. If he’s reading this right now… (you know who you are…) I’m sorry but you suck in bed.

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Comment by Bipedalthumposapien69R on March 30, 2010 at 2:33am: LMBAO...dime store porn chatter and the dick don't matter...NYC is in for it, damn I've been off the site for some time and have some cramming to do. Love your wit.

Comment by Twyla on March 23, 2010 at 6:14pm: oooh I've been practicing tantric sex for 3 years now. Lovely.
And I abhor jack rabbits. I'm sorry, love.

And once again, my fellow blogger...

<3 u and your life.

Comment by ALL&FOREVA on March 22, 2010 at 12:41am: lol.. and the journey continues.. (NYC here she comes)..
i wish you the best in your discover..