... the other Black experience
My Dirty Laundry: The elusive intellectual type
So, for my next two blogs, I have two things to do. Well, maybe three. Put one type of fucker on blast and to illustrate for you all what I am looking for (my discovery in abstaining *cough* has been that I have to discover what I want and settle for nothing less). My third is to explore the type who comes after me, and why I never seem to want them. I suppose that would be to analyze human sexuality and why we always want what we can't have.
Scenario number one is me and the elusive intellectual type. The type who is physically beautiful, as a matter of fact...one of the most attractive men in his friendship circles. He listens to bands you've never heard of, and the ones you have started out "indie" and when they got popular, he stopped liking them.
(we all know at least one girl like this)
He prides himself on snark, when really he's just a big pussy inside. Online he always has something to say, but in person "he's always so sweet." He makes hateful and uncalled for jokes about the inclinations of women in different races when he has little to no experience with them at all.
My Dirty Laundry: The elusive intellectual type
Sex chronicles Dorian Faust
(happy fuckers)
If he's white, there's a million of him. If he's black, he prides himself on being the only one in his group, or maybe even city. Oh, and if he'smulatto, that obviously means white.
Looking at his dating history, he has been with all skinny white girls who wear keds and skinny jeans, with high-pitched voices and a propensity to date black boys because it's what's cool. These chicks are the "artsy type," but are not artists. If he's been with any black girls, they are normally light-skinned and could pass as white. Perhaps they slept together a couple of times, and never spoke again...or maybe they had to quit when he finally found his next lily white tiny dancer.
Looking at his dating history, he has been with all skinny white girls who wear keds and skinny jeans, with high-pitched voices and a propensity to date black boys because it's what's cool. These chicks are the "artsy type," but are not artists. If he's been with any black girls, they are normally light-skinned and could pass as white. Perhaps they slept together a couple of times, and never spoke again...or maybe they had to quit when he finally found his next lily white tiny dancer.
He prides himself on snark, when really he's just a big pussy inside. Online he always has something to say, but in person "he's always so sweet." He makes hateful and uncalled for jokes about the inclinations of women in different races when he has little to no experience with them at all.
For example: "Wanna make a black girl laugh? End each sentence with "white people...." (and a snicker, obviously. Because black girls have no sense of humor outside of making fun of white people. Everyone knows that.)
He always runs when he sees me, yet he knows that we have a connection that could be utilized past friendship. A successful, powerful, determined, and driven black girl who is self aware and openly admits flaws as frequently as strengths is not someone he could even think of dating, let alone having a functional friendship with. Perhaps he thinks I am stupid when he says "see ya soon," or "it was good to see you, we should hang out soon..." and never acts on it.
His signals are confusing, yet he has no problem publicizing when he's going to hang out with his cream puff queen that he floats away with at night who won't call him on his shit, or protect him from bullshit from the outside world when he is right. He left me perplexed and not knowing what the next move should be in pursuing him, or if I should even continue contemplating doing so. This happens over a period of about three months, while watching him get fucked over by an insane techno fairy who weighs about 40 pounds less than I do, incur a few light but tangible darts of snark from him, and go back and forth with him on collaborating on a few art projects.
So I finally tell him what the deal is. That I'm "into him"... he admits to "liking me too, but that we should just be friends." Yet "the truth shall set [me] free!!"
I know what you all may be thinking. "Fuck, poor Dorian...she's bitter as hell."
Y'know what, that's about two percent of it now. This happened last year and I am pretty over being "bitter." This is actually a warning and a public service announcement that I have for all of you bad bitches out there to pay attention to whomever you may have your eye on for a relationship, dating....whatever. Make sure he isn't throwing you strange signals and pay attention to the type of chick he normally goes for. Even if he likes you, if she's the opposite, he's gonna stick to what's familiar. Even if its lame and boring. Sucks but it's the truth.
He always runs when he sees me, yet he knows that we have a connection that could be utilized past friendship. A successful, powerful, determined, and driven black girl who is self aware and openly admits flaws as frequently as strengths is not someone he could even think of dating, let alone having a functional friendship with. Perhaps he thinks I am stupid when he says "see ya soon," or "it was good to see you, we should hang out soon..." and never acts on it.
His signals are confusing, yet he has no problem publicizing when he's going to hang out with his cream puff queen that he floats away with at night who won't call him on his shit, or protect him from bullshit from the outside world when he is right. He left me perplexed and not knowing what the next move should be in pursuing him, or if I should even continue contemplating doing so. This happens over a period of about three months, while watching him get fucked over by an insane techno fairy who weighs about 40 pounds less than I do, incur a few light but tangible darts of snark from him, and go back and forth with him on collaborating on a few art projects.
So I finally tell him what the deal is. That I'm "into him"... he admits to "liking me too, but that we should just be friends." Yet "the truth shall set [me] free!!"
I know what you all may be thinking. "Fuck, poor Dorian...she's bitter as hell."
Y'know what, that's about two percent of it now. This happened last year and I am pretty over being "bitter." This is actually a warning and a public service announcement that I have for all of you bad bitches out there to pay attention to whomever you may have your eye on for a relationship, dating....whatever. Make sure he isn't throwing you strange signals and pay attention to the type of chick he normally goes for. Even if he likes you, if she's the opposite, he's gonna stick to what's familiar. Even if its lame and boring. Sucks but it's the truth.
Am I wrong?
Comment
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Comment by Cyd DidIt on May 18, 2010 at 12:52am -
i'm amazed at how much of this relates to my life at the moment
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Comment by VAL on April 28, 2010 at 12:20am -
In my teens and early 20's realized that my alternative likes and dislikes made it harder for me to find someone to date. Alt or not black men don't tend to be attracted to me. Some people have preferences others don't. It's best not to let this effect how you feel about yourself.
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Comment by X-D-D-M*9 on April 26, 2010 at 9:18pm
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We all honestly must look at ourselves and what we think we're attracted to and why. Check your own faults a bit deeper and his. If he has all these shortcomings, why bother if you're better than that?
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Comment by DUNDUN1021 on April 25, 2010 at 1:37am -
I agree with you on this one. It was been extremely tough for me to date because the type of man that I want does not want me and does not even look at me. They are to busy looking at my 40 pound friend. I gave gone out with several African American "hipsters" and when it ended they are went back to dating the same type of women they dated before me. The skinny hipster white girl. It know it shouldn't make me sad, but it does a little bit.
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Comment by Q.A.Bradford on April 20, 2010 at 5:44am -
We're all poseurs posing as though we aren't.
No one's in control, so just let go.
C'est la vie!
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Comment by Jasmine on April 18, 2010 at 6:34pm -
A successful, powerful, determined, and driven black girl who is self aware and openly admits flaws as frequently as strengths is not someone he could even think of dating, let alone having a functional friendship with.
Amen, amen, AMEN!!!!
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Comment by paul pelt on April 17, 2010 at 8:40pm -
Are 'blipsters' as superficial as 'hipsters'? If so therein might lay some of the problem. It's rare that you find somebody who's totally hip and totally down to earth.
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Comment by Jody The Grinder on April 17, 2010 at 7:07pm -
@ Compound Egret. I was confused because I also was looking for the reader to explain why this person they were pursuing was an "intellectual" Seeing the title and reading the blog threw me off, not what I expected, I had my mind ready for something else.
Yes the individual the blogger speaks of is clearly immature and has a lot of growing up to do. He was really just showing how lame he really was. And if he only dates 40lb (with boots soaking wet) girls he probably has a fetish for them and probably not worth the time of day.
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Comment by lyfenlyn on April 17, 2010 at 6:45pm -
i feel ya wholeheartedly
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Comment by James Graham on April 17, 2010 at 5:48pm -
Well, you feel how you feel. If you perceive it to be real, then that's real for you. It's all good to vent about these brothers posing on a straight up woman like yourself. Look at me! I don't fit that category of brother. I'd rather be with the one who vibes with me whether black or white. I connect more with afro-centric types anyway.
Lianne La Havas - Is Your Love...?
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