Kifaru said my life was fabricated, I'd like to address that in this series of blogs, entitled "My Fabricated Life: A Journey"
I was born on Zu Mountain in 1888. I was "the funkiest monkey that ever popped out of an egg on a mountain top" according to my theme song.
My father was Kwai Cha'ang Caine. We used to wander the desert all the time together after the Siulam (told ya, none of that "xiao lin" stuff here, it's all Cantonese all the time. Did I mention I was fluent in Cantonese? Dim a?) Temple kicked him out because they "don't have any money". What did you think that pebble stuff was about? Speed? Skill? Mental lucidity? Nah, that's just a way to get people to leave. The Japanese bhuddists started it.
Anyway, my mother was an ancient terracotta statue of Bhudda in his female form (at leastI think that's what he was doing).
While growing up the warrior way I met a girl named Bulma. She was driving through the forest- I mean, right through it. So I picked up her car and crashed it. Then she got out and was all like, "Do you know who my father is?" blah blah "I could have your home turned into a dump site for failed genetic experiments." So, I was all like "Shut up".
Then she asked me to help her find "dragon balls" like we were in an RPG or something.
I didn't have anything to do so I shrugged and went with her. She freaked out when she found out I had a tail (up her skirt) and ran off. Turns out she was way off course. She was supposed to be looking in China, she had wandered into Black China (the one Runoko Rashidi is always talking about) near the Tibetan border.
Itinerant and shiftless as I was (and forever causing the gods headaches by crashing their parties, eating their food and generally being uncontrollable) , my mother showed some initiative and enrolled me in the Autumn and Spring school of opera arts. Angela Mao was my instructor. ..you know, Lady Whirlwind? She was awesome. I had no classmates of note but Agnes Aurelio used to stop by to kick us all in the stomach. Actually, I had four classmates of note; Fong Fong Kam, Little Heart [Hsia], Nnang Man and Nnang Siao. Kam was 4 years older than me, Little Heart was 4 years younger and the other two the same age. We all broke into together. We used to come over to the sets of popular Japanese idol shows (the pointless ones) and do stunts for the Idols. Pretty grimey work. Grim.
At age 16, I was released from the Autumn and Spring school of Lady Whirlwind. My training concluded, my graduation done I headed to Fo Shan to move in with Kam and be initiated into the stunt woman's guild.
But before I could do that an obstacle unforeseen presented itself. ... .
[to be continued]