op-ed: sex and music – how young is too young to teach little girls about owning their sexuality?

When I was 9-years-old I overheard Sasha climax halfway through her track “Kill The Bitch.” And overheard is a word I’m choosing to use loosely, considering I purposely pillaged the CD tower in the basement for the Bogle reggae compilation album.
And as disturbing as this sounds, I know for a fact there are little girls who are verbally “surfboarding” and things since Beyonce’s recent self-titled album dropped. While this isn’t another think piece on Mrs. Carter, it is one on sexuality and how musicians are not responsible for the type of music that flows through the headphones of children.
The merging of sex and music isn’t anything new, but how easy it is to be accessed has changed within the past 20 years.

By Niesha Miller, AFROPUNK Contributor *

Janelle Monae and Erykah Badu’s single “Q.U.E.E.N.” was one of the most important songs to be released in recent years. Women should not be shamed for having sex or ashamed of being sexual.

Sexual shame is what creates that barrier where taboo topics are created. Sexual shame in women is one thing, but when it trickles down to young girls, they fear being judged for having sex. Fear leads to miscommunication and miseducation, and that’s the worst thing that could happen in the big world of sex.

Instead of chastising musicians for the type of music they’re recording, why not just have those awkward conversations with your children. In relation to Beyonce’s album, a friend of mine lamented on how disappointed he was in the pop star for singing about sex, but not about the importance of keeping sex between her and her husband. The same has been said about Erykah Badu and the relationships she has with the hip-hop artists who father her children.

I understand that musicians have a major influence on youth, but that shouldn’t stop values from being enforced or suggested in the home between parents and children. And no matter the age, the forbidden is always so damn appetizing.

A child may not understand the words that’s leaving their mouths when they hum certain tunes, but being told not to listen to a song may entice them to listen to it a little bit more. The dismissal of the birds and the bees conversation will do more of a disservice than the music itself. I suggest using music as a way to educate our children about sex, and sooner than we think is necessary. It’s everywhere. We live in the world of “16 and Pregnant,” and where the distribution of homemade porn is dispersed through all cyber verticals.

Also, if we’re going to fear the sexual exposure music has on our young girls, the same should be done with our little boys. Sometimes it seems like our biggest fear is little girls and sex, and maintaining that innocence. A lot of the times the attacks are on the female artists who are open about their sexuality in their music. The pure souls of our little girls always seems to be at stake. However, young boys are being celebrated for sleeping with these same young girls that should be protected.

Until we live in a world where there are no sexual double standards, we should spend valuable time teaching girls to own their sexuality. And let’s keep in mind that sexuality is more than the movement of her hips and the deflowering of her innocence. It is also mental. Opinions will always be around, but that peace of mind is something special.

If anything music helped me understand sex a little bit more before my parents had the time to chase me down for the talk. I wanted to wait until I met the right person, I scared myself to death reading up on STDs, and it got me interested in how my body works and the importance of keeping it healthy.

I have the women who lived in my boombox and on the radio to thank for that. From sexual angst to sexual liberation to blatant misogyny, the music I listened to encouraged me to search for more information.

If music can possibly spark the conversation in sex, then welcome it.

* Niesha Miller is a Philadelphia-based arts and culture journalist. Her work has appeared in regional and national platforms including Global Grind, The Philadelphia Daily News, Clutch Magazine and Jump Magazine. She is also the creator of CultureBlush.com, an online publication that highlights the dopeness of women in music. Follower her on Twitter at @NieshaMiller.