punks gotta eat: if bands were food, what food would they be rapper edition

Is it lunch yet? We’re in the mood for sushi, but only because we’ve been listening to Ava Luna and for WHATEVER REASON Ava Luna reminds us of sushi? Listen to some jams to get your appetite going. It’s the next foodie edition of PUNKS GOTTA EAT, and our favorite bands compared to our favorite foods!

By: Henny X Harmon

Oxymorons = Cheese Pizza

If you didn’t catch them at AFROPUNK’S  Battle of the Bands this past summer OR if you missed them at the AFROPUNK Fest you’re cray!!!! But if you DID you’d know that everyone loves these guys! that’s why they were our Battle of the Bands winners! Show up to a room full of picky-hungry eaters, no will complain about cheese pizza. it’s universal yummy! The #GEEKSQUAD boys have made everyone their fans while continuing to rock out in their own tasty way! 

Moruf= Tomato and Carrot Basil Bisque

Moruf aka Moo has one of the smoothest flows my ears have been blessed to discover. He is one of those musicians that have effortless rapping capabilities, and he’s actually good. He’s juuuust right if you want to listen to something light AND heavy at the same damn time. Like a warm ass bowl of tomato and carrot basil bisque. Both are just MmMMmM. It’s perfect in any weather.

Joey Badass = Garlic Rosemary French Fries

This kid’s flow is nothing like I’ve heard in a while, yet familiar. Hot. Crispy. Kinda sophisticated. Joey Bada$$’ old skool style is both refreshing and pretty freakin delicious. I mean have you heard this kid spit?! He’s something for all ages to enjoy, young or old just like french fries! But he’s not regular fries– he’s garlic rosemary french fries. If you haven’t tasted them nor heard Senor Bada$$ then order some foolio!

Danny Brown = Coney Island Chili Dog

Danny Brown is ill as HELL and is compared to the late great OBD aka Dirt McGirt. But He has his own style that is unique to him alone and although he may be reminiscent of something you may have heard before, that’s just your brain trying to make a comparison because you’ve never experienced anything quite like The Adderall Admiral.  This guy’s character is beyond amazing (he’s like… a nice guy who’s mad giggly) and he’s incredible live! So incredible, there is no describing the flavor of the show, you just have to experience it for yourself. The Detroit native and the Detroit coney classic are similar in their deliciousness, drool-worthy-ness and big blast of detroit flavor with every bite. You may be saying “I’ve had a chilidog before” but NO YOU HAVENT if you havent had a DETROIT CONEY! They are different, so don’t sass! And if you havent tried it, are scared to try it or think there is no need to, you’re slipping and I’ll just smh at you while i wipe this mustard off my satisfied grin.

Trey Songz = An Onion

All Trey Songz does is CRY. He cries in every song about every little thing yet still gets hella punanny. I could go on about how annoying Trey Songz is, but I guess some women still like sensitive men. Aside from this guys body (meh, who cares tho) I honestly don’t get what people see in him. He degrades women along with the rest of the rappers out there, rolls his Rs when there are no Rs in the word, and scream-cries in the rain all the damn time. And yet he’s still hot ish? What if I went up to you and said…hey baby what’s yo name. Hey girl it’s your birthday and I know you’re thirsty, therefore open wide and say ahh. I swear if anyone told me to open wide I’d go Ike Turner on em. This guy sucks. Disagree? boo-hoo CRY ME A RIVER TREY SONGZ