punks gotta eat: if bands were gold food, what food would they be

Off the heels of Halloween, we’ve been feeling a bit luxurious. Who doesn’t love to adorn themselves in GOLD BABY! and feel a little rich? Because lord knows we’re on a budget! How extravagant is it that people actually eat gold?! crazy. weird. And what if that extravagance was a band? OMG WHAT IF BANDS WERE GOLD FOOD? It’s another edition of your favorite foodie feature: PUNKS GOTTA EAT– THE GOLD EDITION!

By: Henny X Harmon

Clean Bandit =Triple Layer Chocolate Cake.

Their awesome sounds and funky dance moves from their new video A&E (random acts) leave you fiending for more. Just like chocolate cake they’re sweet and their bass line is so dense that you might need a glass of milk after you listen to their tunes. The smooth transitions in their new song are just a teaser of what they’re made of. Trust me once you take a bite you will want more.

Santigold = Spring rolls

Santigold is one of our generations most refreshing music artists; her music is chill, complex, layered and JUST right. Just like a traditional spring roll, fried to a crisy golden crunch, her musical ingredients are varied but when put together it’s delicious. And if you’ve never listened to Santigold or tried a spring roll, well you don’t know what you’re missing. Cause we can’t get enough!

Trinidad Jame$ =A SOLID GOLD CHEESEBURGER

We’ve been pretty fascinated with the Atlanta sensation, Trinidad Jame$ as of late. In his smash single “ALL GOLD EVERYTHING” Jame$ proclaims “Gold all in my chain, gold all in my rang, gold all in my watch, don’t believe me just watch…” As ridiculous as that sounds, it doesn’t begin to touch how ridiculous Trinidad Jame$’ gold obsession is. But it’s kind of amazing and we’re so mesmerized, we can’t look away. The same way you’d think of a juicy cheeseburger with cheese drizzling down from the side, and fatty grease dripping down your mouth as both the best and worst of visuals. We feel guilty even admitting it now, but Trinidad is so next level he would be that juicy burger but only if THAT BURGER WAS GOLD!  the most insane, guiltiest of all pleasures! Instant boss status!!! WHO THE HELL WOULDN’T WANNA EAT A GOLD BURGER!???! This dude even has gold on his MacBook, so you know it’s not a game. Grrr!

Flatbush Zombies = Thug Waffles

Duh, did I even have to say it? For those of you don’t know what a thug waffle is it consists of one gold watch, money, that white shit, a Newport, bbq sauce, malt liquor (preferably 40oz of O.E), and an illegal firearm. Then you put everything in a waffle maker and the rest is easy. The result is topped with mounds of syrup and eatin with gold grill fangs. And while that may seem weird and gross, it’s delicious. And they know they’re “young black and arrogant, and addicted to the finer shit” so we’re not mad. But heed my warning, if you’re not down with the Flatbush Zombie movement you’ll probably end up choking on your thug waffle.

Thug Waffle Recipe:

Wiz Khalifa = Twinkie

We used to be down with the Hostess get down when we were little. Who didn’t like twinkies?! But slip me a twinkie now and i might gag just a little? *cough cough*…Wiz Khalifa. WTF happened to that guy. He used to be so cool! so fun! so awesome and made us excited! Remember “Name on A Cloud” or “Ink my Whole Body”? Now he’s all like “hey guys let’s all drink and smoke and sway from side to side and play golf with my Uncle Snoop Lion. You can be my best friend and I’ll be your homie la, la, la”. Im gonna make a movie about High School where im a cool pot smoking genius nerd. HUH? LIKE WHAT THE F*&#. But I mean for those of you who are still down for the Twinkie movement cool, but that probably just means you didn’t like Kush & OJ Wiz (the classic. RIP those days). #shame

ALL GOLD EVERYTHING