... the other Black experience

Single, Bi-Sexual Black Man Seeking Black Woman

I have this Black male guy friend. He just landed on the opposite side of 30 and finds himself single. Very marriage minded; he eagerly waits for the day when he can meet that special lady and have children. He’s a successful entrepreneur in New York City. He has a devilish sense of humor. He LOVES his Momma and always conducts himself as a gentleman. His body is cut up like a Greek statute thanks to his daily body building and yoga routines. His smile can light up a room. And above all else he is a man of principles; this guy is honest and refuses to play games with a person’s heart. So Single Black woman having trouble finding a ‘Good’ Black man…interested yet?

Single, Bi-Sexual Black Man Seeking Black Woman
Words Tracy Renee Jones for

This worldly Libra has his own place in Brooklyn (with Brooklyn swagger included). He enjoys spoiling a lover with time, affection and attention. He travels frequently and runs in some very interesting circles. He’s also a personal trainer so you know he’s got ‘stamina’ and what Good Black woman doesn’t want that in a man?

He shoots hoops with the (equally fine) fellas! He’s a collector of African art! He’s a writer, poet and photographer! He’s also a very active and in demand MODEL!!!! Are you sold yet? Oh, yeah. There’s one more thing I forgot to mention. This single, marriage minded, eligible Black man is also bisexual. That’s not a problem, right? Because he still possesses ALL of the qualities listed above, doesn’t he?

He wants to marry a woman and have kids some day soon. Like any other man, he wants to make a baby and one day be known to the world as ‘Daddy’. He has everything these single Black women say they want in a ‘Good Black’ man, no?

Queen ‘O’s knew what to do to (further) boost her ratings during her finale season of her monumental talk show. Her latest show with author J.L. King’s revisited the topic of down low brothers. Nearly everyone who watched it noticed the exploitative undertones of the show. I doubt some Black women need encouragement or a reminder from Oprah to continue to diligently witch hunt those lowdown, down low, sneaky, whorish, lying, conniving “closeted” BLACK gay men.


Some men are living a ‘down-low’ life; just like there are straight men that fall into bed with anything with a heartbeat and put their health and the health of their loved ones at risk. There are homosexual men that are semi-closeted and only come out to their close friends and family. There are homosexual men that live their lives in total secret for professional and religious reasons. There are homosexual men that do not go ‘down low’ to satisfy their alternative sexual appetite. There are homosexual men that are happily out and F- you if you don’t like it.

In the mean time guys like my friend Corey are pushed further and further into the realm of nonexistence. The behaviors and examples of gay men that are shown in the media all seem to be specifically chosen to reinforce the stereotype of the sissified, feminine, weak male. These are the images of gay men that both female and male heterosexuals find familiar and non-threatening. Homosexual men are not thought to be threatening or taken seriously. Homosexual men are here for your entertainment; or to be your best girlfriend; or at the very least, to tighten up your Doobie.

People often confuse sexuality with gender. Sexual orientation refers to sexual desires, feelings, practices and identification. Sexual orientation can be towards people of the same or different sexes (same-sex, heterosexual or bisexual orientation). Gender identity refers to the relationship between sex and a person’s experience of self expression in relation to social categories of masculinity or femininity (gender). Sexual orientation is not something you can ‘see’ no matter how great you think your ‘gay-dar’ is. A person’s gender has nothing to do sexual orientation. There are many bisexual (and homosexual) men and women who exhibit behavior in line with traditional gender roles up to and including the desire to marry someone they love and waiting for day when it will be their turn to pop out some youngings.

But what are the odds that a Black woman would still find this “Good” Black man to still be a worthwhile catch upon learning that he is bisexual? Would these Black women who are so desperate to find a ‘soul mate’ be willing to consider life with a man who openly and honestly admits to having maintained past relationships with both men and women? If he were to commit to one woman while in a relationship I don’t feel like his sexual history with men would matter any more than a straight man’s sexual history with other women. After all, as a bi man, Corey is DEFINITELY attracted to Black woman.

I think Corey is a “Good” Black man and he will make some lucky man OR woman a fine partner one day. He’s old fashioned and is looking to settle down and have children. I think he’ll make a GREAT Dad when his time comes. Here is a BLACK MAN who isn’t a felon, nor is he a disrespectful, cheating, emotionally unavailable, underemployed, abusive, angry, low down, “down low” excuse of a Black man. I’ll take him if yall don’t want him! Rather than looking at his sexual orientation as a DISQUALIFICATION, I’m willing to bet there are plenty who would accept his sexual orientation as a part of who he is or better yet, those who would see it as a QUALIFIER, possibly making this GOOD BLACK Man, the perfect catch.

BTW, the above pics are of Corey… Holla!

Views: 4663

Tags: afro-punk, bi-sexual, community, woman


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Comment by The Deacon on February 21, 2011 at 11:47am

The problem is a lot of time there is underlying sexual abuse history that turn folks towards that way of life. I'm sure one or two people will say that's not the case with me, but I have talked to enough lesbians to know better. But understand why the black community have huge issue with this sort of thing. Most of it revolving around the destruction of the black family; the emasculating of black men; in prison the lifestyle is pushed on black men as a way to break down their psyche; homosexuality is seen as something imposed on us from the outside--white folks.

With that said, I think everybody got to be honest about who they are and live their life as they see fit; my only issue is I think people make the argument on moral grounds. Or the scientists spread this nonsense about a gay gene when the answer is as clear as when you look at yourself in the shower and how life is produced. But as callus as the male population seems to be, I'm surprised more women don't turn towards the lifestyle.

Comment by ReadNex Poetry Squad on February 7, 2011 at 11:34pm

LOVE is LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Always be yourself and love who you love!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just Be Dif'Rent!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment by VampyreNyckei on January 20, 2011 at 11:09pm

Loving beyond gender is not for everyone... but this man is a CATCH. I've been loving beyond gender all my life and I'll tell you, none of that matters. It's about the person that comes with the qualifications that you need for happiness. If this man has all of those things, why does it matter who he slept with before? Especially if he's HONEST about it. I don't want people dismissing me from their datable list because somewhere in the world I have an ex-wife. But they do. Such is life.


P.S. Tell Corey I'm rooting for him! His perfect mate is out there somewhere!

Comment by Starky Gonzalez on January 14, 2011 at 9:13pm
I couldn't agree with you more. People may find this as a shocker, but I don't have an extensive history of past lovers. Lol. I'm actually kind of picky, but that's just my thang. lol
Comment by NuLite on January 14, 2011 at 8:27am
Can't forget those who ASSume that when one dates both sexes, that automatically there is this major freak that awaits them....lolz I met guys who thought a 3some was going to happen or ppl who just think you want to have sex with anyone! That is sooo not the case for everyone! (nor me)! So it could get very messy lolz I have self control~
Comment by Starky Gonzalez on January 14, 2011 at 2:15am


Yeah, homosexuals have a tendency to just not like bisexuals. I personally think it's real silly. It's crazy because everyone just automatically assumes that you are just too scared to came out as fully gay or you are just playing around. And a lot of them have these feelings against bisexuality 'cause they probably got ditched for somebody of the opposite sex. And, then there are girls that pretend to be bisexual to impress guys. It's very messy.

Comment by NuLite on January 13, 2011 at 5:46pm

I've dated men who've been with men in the past, I've had loving relationships with women myself~

If I wasn't dating women only, I still would date a man who was or is bi~ The LGBT fam can be brual at times and have so many opinions when it comes to Bi or Transgender ppl, but we are all family when a good head count is needed for rallies and marches etc ....(whatever)


You can't live your life living out other ppl's satisfactions so do you!



Comment by Starky Gonzalez on January 13, 2011 at 1:39pm
Yeah, being bi is definitely a good elimination tool if your aren't sure of who to date. It has everyone fleeing. lol
Comment by Earth129 on January 13, 2011 at 6:50am

@ Starky - you guessed right - I did mean Oprah

I am in the UK and I am not sure whether she's even on over here at present. I did not see the show referenced in the article and neither have I read JL King's book but I do know of a few unfortunate situations where a very closeted man has married and his wife has later found out that he is gay and seeing men. Not good for anyone concerned. But the "solution" should be to encourage a more open society and I would have a lot more respect for her if she did that.

@Askabisexualguy - good advice. Being yourself is always important but when it comes to the most intimate of relationships its even more so.There are enough bigots out there. Don't take em home.

Comment by Starky Gonzalez on January 13, 2011 at 5:51am
I was kind of thinking she meant Oprah, but I didn't wanna assume something I was too sure of and appear like a moron. lol I really don't watch Oprah on the regular, but I am familiar with the book On the Down Low by J. L. King. It's shocking that there are people who are treacherous like that, but hey it is what it is. Yeah, the whole bi thing, I don't like debating with people over it 'cause they have a tendency to turn it into a it's-either-this-or-that sort of thing as if they really know what it's like. Plus, it does make things easier despite it being rough to find someone who's understanding, particularly a female. If it's one thing that the ugliness of people have taught me, it is that it taught me what I don't want and what I don't wanna settle for.

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