Words from a Mixed Girl: Dating outside of your race, yes, get over it!

Flicking through the pages of Essence Magazines, April 2010 Issue, one thing happened to catch my eye. "The Wince," by Jill Scott. Now it wasn't I who read it but my older brother, Ryan, who happens to be mixed. Upon finishing the article, one thing my brother said was, "She's biased." Jill wants the equality that African Americans have searched for for over 400 years for that same respect and equatability as that of caucasians, yet she feels betrayed and uneasy knowing that black men are still dating white women.

Words from a Mixed Girl: Dating outside of your race, yes, get over it!

Discussion led by Arieanna Garcia

Original post and comments can be found here

(Yes we can!)

Growing up in an interracial household, with an italian/mexican mother, and an African American father, I learned at a very young age to accept people for their skin color and judge them for their actions. My father, growing up in a time and place where racism was at it's peak, he still managed to look through the fog that was segregation, lynchings, white people hating black people for no good reason, and came out of it an African American man deciding to spend his life with a woman of porcelain complexion.

So why can't todays black woman do the same? How can looking past racism and color cause you to be a disgrace to your race? Should a black man forfeit his happiness just the prove that he is a credit to his race? Is it possible to date outside your race and still be considered a strong, black man?

(Does having a white woman on his side devalue his masculinity?)

However if you ask todays black man why he would choose to date a woman of caucasian background his answer is simple. "Black women are high maintenance, needy, and can't spot a good brotha when they see it."

Ok, with this being said, is it true?

How does slavery play a part in the black mans decision to date a white woman? Even Jill Scott herself said that, " In our past, if a black man even looked at a white woman he would have been lynched." Does this secret yearning and curiosity for white women in the past still linger in the blood of todays black men. I believe it's seen by many, including black women that these white women are just novelties and once they are out of the system of the black man he'll return to his African queen and everything will be right in the world.

But why is it so hard to understand that maybe what a black man wants is a white woman? I know as an African American woman myself I have no problem with our "brothas" dating outside of their race.

I date outside of mine all of the time. I think it's the fact that African Americans as a people are afraid of losing their heritage. But isn't what we want in the world a more unbiased and mixed culture and community? I'm not saying it's going to happen right away, but sooner or later the facts need to be faced that black men are going to continue dating these "white women" and there's not a damn thing that's going to be done about it. You can't have the equality, black women, and the ability to keep your culture separated from others and not allowed the opportunity to mix.

(Go ahead, he won't bite...that hard)

And as far as Jill Scott is concerned, she's a mother, an artist, and an actress, among the array of other endeavors she's explored upon. I honestly think the last thing she should be giving her opinion on is the state of relationships involving black men and white women. She won her own personal battle against that. She has her perfectly, unmixed family and she's set out and made the perfect family in which in her eyes is a black man dating if not married to a black woman.

So from black woman to many others. Love who you want to love, but don't let your heritage decide for you.

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Comment by Doshtrhillenhyd on June 5, 2013 at 2:46pm: RACEMIX !! DONT INBREED !! the world has sufferd enough with retarded children as an effect of people inbreeding with their own closley related races. Healt issues are the most in singleraces. The more away from your own race the better the childs helat becomes. a person with a white mother and a black father is the ultimate race. I dont care what you people think and say. I wont be classified as some race that im not again ! i wont accomplish great thing and let another race take credit for it again !! Never. Join the Hestanfell March ! DOSHVÅDEN !!

Beautifull photos. exept the one with the paraswhite in it a.k.a white man.

Comment by rocknsoulsister on March 19, 2013 at 6:20pm: I personally see nothing wrong with dating outside your race. I think what's more important than anything is the way a man treats a woman, and vise versa. After all love does not know color :)

Comment by K on August 11, 2011 at 5:23pm: Plus, people get pissed when they see blacks dating outsidetheri race, because it seems to send the message that blacks are not good enough and to acquire a better status in life, one must be with a white person. Some people think that if they have bi-racial children they will have a better status in life. Some people think this and some don't. But it is out there.

In my opinion, I see people who date interracial may date for status or fetish, and those who just date who they like regardless of color. It's not my business and it should not be anyone elses business.

Comment by K on August 11, 2011 at 5:13pm: I think inter-racial dating is cool. Why not?

But I do not fail to see why Black Americans get pissed when they see one of their own dating outside thier race, especially white Americans.Considering the history of Blacks and Whites in America, if I was black American I might just loath White people entirely. I see the constant BS. Have you studied American history as a whole? It was much more grotesque that what they taught us in Social-Studies. And the last time I check, blacks had to fight tooth and nail for any rights they had, and white society only gave it away begrudgingly. And on top of that, all these rights blacks fought for, whites are quicker to give those liberties to other races than blacks.Classic example is school admissions in predominately white schools. Now schools rather give admissions to Asian students who have this so called 'model minority myth' than admit black students to their schools. But it was blacks who fought for these opportunities in the first place and who do they give it to? Why do people ignore these things?

One may have a white lover, spouse, etc. But at what point are they going to get tired of hearing all the BS you go through on a daily basis just because one is black. And at what point will have to ignore the fact you are black in America (dealing with BS) to stop making your spouse feel uncomfortable. This reminds me of the movie 'Something New' when Sanaa Lathan was venting to her man, and he just did not get it and go annoyed that she seemed to make everything about race.

And it is not just the past that whites and blacks share, rather it is the benefits that whites have reaped due to their past and the poverty blacks have been subject to because of it. And another pet peeve if the fact that, after all that is said and done. Most whites pretend as if slavery did not happen and they get uncomfortable when it is mentioned or racial issues are mentioned. It's like the worst thing you can call a white person these days, is racist. They are so scared of being labeled that. But they refuse to look beyond the surface and see why there is still inequality amongst blacks and whites till today.

They rather not be called racist but it seem they enjoy 'white privilege.' Example. Let a white family adopt a black child. Society think: 'oh what a nice giving family they are to adopt this African/black child.' Let a black family even try to adopt a white child, society thinks: 'what are they doing with that child.' or they will think the black beasts have kidnapped the child. I have seen this happen. A black man, who has a interracial daughter (she looked fully white), had the police called on him when he was shopping with his daughter, because it was thought that, that could not have been his child. The child's mother had to come and tell them that he was the girls father, before they let them go.

The truth is, White individuals are not all bad people, there are some really amazing,non-racist, good people. But the majority of them are racist. White people are not bad but their society breeds bad things for everyone else they come in contact with.

Comment by Audrey Johnson on July 15, 2011 at 11:23am: I don't get why people are angry about IR dating. They should just get over it people date whoever they want to date and that's it.

Comment by andrew maddalena on April 9, 2011 at 5:52pm: yes, i feel the same about IR dating. i grew up with black girls all through school. the first girl i kissed was black. it is in my mentality that i like black women.

Comment by Barbara R. Lee on May 28, 2010 at 3:12pm: Right on!!! I have always dated outside of my race because hell, variety is the spice of life! If you are hot or really sweet or just are plain fun, there is no reason why I shouldn't date you.
I just find it funny that when I was a teen ager, I had nappy hair and spent as much time in the sun as possible and not caring about getting darker because I loved my brown skin, I had other black women berating me for dating white boys. Now these women spent every two weeks in the salon to make sure not a single nap was to be found on their hair and just about all of them stayed out of the sun as much as possible. Hypocrites! People who spent so much time being bourgeois ( I grew up in the Long Island suburbs) and trying to look white, giving me a hassle, saying I'm an oreo cookie. It boggles the mind. I tell ya one thing, it really doesn't matter. A jerk is a jerk, I've met white jerks, I've met Asian jerks, I've met Black jerks, etcetra, etc..
I just wanna meet a nice guy who can do the Electric slide, pogo and can listen to the Grateful Dead and Phish without laughing at me.