... the other Black experience

Not for any particular reason. Like I kill myself durring the week or something. I was supposed to go to school to take care of my fashion DVD situation. I'm supposed to have them transferred from VHS, but the thing is every saturday I get up around noon and then putter around for a few hours. By the time I get showered and dressed and made up it's like 3pm. Then I have to catch a bus downtown. They close @ 5 and it takes a long time to do the transfer so it's not enough time to get it done. The switchboard is closed at 2 so I cant call Flaco and tell him I aint coming, since he's so covetous of his cell number and all. He won't do it during the week, and I sort of don't like I gotta go in there on saturday to do it. But whatever.

I was watching Tough Love, which I think is sort of a useful show, becuase it reveals all the negative behaviors and patterns women create that keep them single. Today they got made up like elderly women, and then some actual elderly women came to speak to them about how it is being single in old age. Turns out they made some silly choices in prime time that impacted them into their later lives. Mostly about how they wasted precious time with the wrong damn man, and the denyal that kept them there. Everyone was crying and stuff. I thought about it a bit, because I am in my 40's and looking for a relationship. I don't really think that in my 20's I was doing anything counterproductive to mess me up. The reality is I was in a negative environment for 20 years. My prime time. Maybe where I faultered is I didn't realize it at 22 and bounce. I can't say a husband and kids has been my goal my whole life. I think the environment seeped in a bit and I spent a stint accepting that no one would take me seriously. I don't think I should have ever done that, but I can't change that now. I am lucky because I look alot younger than I am. I get pegged for 27-29 all the time. It's good in a way, and in a way it makes it more difficult to relate to more 'mature' men. I suppose my big push is the career, once I get going in that area more options will open for me. Even since moving to south florida my desireablity has gone up considerably. Even in 2001 if I would have come straight here I think I would have had more of a chance to be in a serious situation. You try to grasp that 'everything happens for a reason, and you are where you are supposed to be right now.' So you don't spend time beating yourself up for not making better choices. (shrugs) I've been on my amazon wish list the past 3 days collecting more stuff for the wardrobe. Stuff that is more polished and sexy, so when I go out on dates I can be feminine. When I am at school it's all about comfort. Not sloppy comfort, but not sexy.

have made some promising contacts, so lets hope that things pick up.

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Comment by lyfenlyn on January 25, 2010 at 2:40am
Hey man, sexy don't ever go out of style. Just ask David Bowie & Iman. LOL!


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