HEY. I tried three times to send you a message but I haven't been able to get it to go. Congradulations on graduating_ now the real learning begins. You say joining the group is the easy way out? No it's not. I quote Ayn Rand, "I don't have the courage to be a coward, I see the consequences too clearly." You can't conform. Your intelligence won't play dead even for you.
I love you Ms. Indigo, I suggest you do the same and I know damn well that you don't believe being black or white means having to act a certain way, so you can just kill that nosie MS. Thang. You're way better than you know.
Okay, okyay, I admit, I am being a little pig headed, maybe even at lot pigheaded on this topic. Sorry. I am good at prommoting things I love and waging a holy war against injustice. Sometimes I can get carrried away. Rebel with a flaw...
Get yer computer fixed. I'm sure there's still tons of things we can talk about.
Message recieved but not agreeded with (I know, that comes as a big surprise huh?) I'm going to have to dig real deep to answer you but I will reply. I'm not trying to prove you wrong, i'm only trying to get you to take this seriously.
Message recieved, reply forthcoming. My inernet explorer went haywire on me yestirday before I could get to you. You hit upon an interesting topic Ms. Indigo, very interesting.
I will send my reply later today but in the meantime, if you are planning on downloading some music from this site, AP vol III would be a good place to start. I think it's better than the first two Vol.'s_ even though they are good too_ but Vol III rocks the most in my opinon.
Spookycreep slowly lurches your way...be afraid. Be very afraid...
I tried to send you a message but my inernet connection is so slow right now that it wouldn't go through. I hate retyping stuff but I will. A quick question: do you believe in life after death? If you do, you know, the world coming to an end won't let you escape. I'm struggling with a problem now that I feel I can't win. I have to get that defeatist thinking out of my head but givin up cigarettes is hard. None the less, it's something I have to do so some how, some way I have to let these bitches go. I have chronic chest pains and still crave cigarettes! It's crazy.
My next post to you_ the god of machines willing_ will be as a priviate message.I am only talking to you. (and you need a good talking to lady! Like my old man use to say, where's my belt?)
I love you kiddio! If you don't do anything else, hang the fuck in there. I agree with you on the so-called mental health profession. I saw an analyist for almost a year, going once a week and twice every other week. It wasn't very helpful and I eventually left against my therapist wishes. Fuck her, she wasn't the one feeling the pain and since her shit wasn't working for me I had no choice but to go elsewhere. It'a a long story. I tell it in a little more detail in the mental health group. Check it out and you'll see what I mean about not knowing what tomorrow will bring.
PS: you don't have to return the gift. Being your friend is gift enough and you are completely right, there were plenty of times when I felt I was just a doomed soul. You understand me pretty good. That shows you think about your experience and try to figure it out. NEVER STOP TRYING TO DO THAT. You'll be okay. It's not over until you put down your guns. Keep them guns ablazing girl. When one's life doesn't go the way we planned it's because the Gods have better plans for us. Trust the process. What is a weakness now, can be turned into a greatest strength later on. Life is goof-ball like that.
You're very welcome. It's odd though. I tried to send you this ribbin with my last post to you but it didn't go through. It's three days late! (stupid machines) None the less, better late than never.
You do what you do for a reason. the habit isn't the real problem but the reason that caused you to develop the habit is. Your mission is to find out what those reasons are and then you'll be able to take it from there.Maybe it will be a hard struggle but do you have anything better to do? At least this would be pain with light at the end of tunnel instead of more darkness. I wish you the best of luck and if you ever want to talk about it, feel free.
You say you are a social retard? Sister, sister, I'll have you know I was the king of that shit in my youth. Now I'm cool as fuck and pretty too.
You never know what tomorrow will bring. You have a lot of intrest so you're a long way from out of the game. The world needs you, your friends and family need you and most important of all you need you. I know it's way easier said than done but try with all your might never to give up hope. That may sound like some weak bs in the face of pain but that weakness can keep you alive when nothing else will. I imagine you use music as a means of escape at times too_ I did during my years of personal hell, rock n roll played it's part in keeping me alive during the many years I wanted to die. The point is, dont's listen to defeatist thoughts, They are like birds, you mighty can't stop them from landing on your head from time to time but you can stop them from building a nest there. The mind, controlling your thoughts, that's the frontline of the battle you're in but it's your mind. We only have two options: to control it or be controlled by it. It is always our choice.
I'm trying to find some magicial words that would help you but I guess no such words exist... for what it's worth, I'm rooting for you.
Pleased to make your aquaintance. As for the child porn, Goddess knows I'm not an authority on the subject but I assume they mean all of what you mentioned as well as adults with children. I agree with you that the people who make child porn should be locked up. They have to be human monsters to destroy an innocent mind like that.
I don't know much about self mutilation either. What in the world is up with that? I imagine that it would do no good telling you things you already know, like you should stop doing that. It must serve some function for you but life will put enough scars on you without your help. I wish there was something I could do to help.
Stick with me kiddo, maybe an occasional laugh every now and then will do you some good. When I'm not being all smart and sensitive I'm pretty damn stupid. It's a good mix.